Tuesday, January 18, 2005


I have been working on homework all freakin day. I still have 7 pages to read for tomorrow afternoon, but I am trying to be an over acheiver and am taking copious notes. I thought the outline thing for the business class was such a good idea, I am doing the same for the network class. I have handwritten 7 full pages of notes so far. I know to expect a quiz tomorrow. My brain decided to shut down for a bit today, so I guess it was time for a break. I played a little solitaire to clear my head.
My son had his dealio at church after school, so I thought as a treat I would get pizza for dinner. We haven't done that in a very long time. I got a free one, and I ordered him a small cheese pizza. Thats all he really likes. Sometimes pepperoni, but most often not. He gave me oodles of hugs when we got home. He went to eat, and came in and said he is never doing that again. They put freakin sausage on his pizza. He hates that. It was a waste of money. We scraped it off the rest of the piece he had, and he finished that. I repeated it twice for her. I wish they gave us a copy of the reciept for it. I think I paid for a sausage pizza, but now he wasn't happy, and I wasn't either. He was so excited. He loves when he gets something "special" and still we had to scrape.
I woke up at 4 am and checked email. I do that alot when I have trouble sleeping. Nothing special. I went back to bed, and felt the need to hold my boy. I held him in the crook of my arm till the alarm went off. His little kid skin is so smooth on his face. His hair smelled like boy sweat. I hope and pray for a good and happy life for him. A good woman, as many children as they want. If he ever doubts anything, I hope it is never that he was loved. A couple of years ago, he got in real bad trouble. I was letting him have it all the way home. Not yelling, just lecturing strongly. He sat there with his lip quivering, and I asked him if he had anything to say for himself. He said "Are you sorry that you had me?" OH MY GOD! It couldn't have taken me more by surprise if he would have had a knife and twisted it in my chest. I told him I love him no matter what. God knew I needed him, and that he needed me, so he put us together. We are a team. The reason I get so upset sometimes, is I want him to be a good person when he grows up. I want him to know right from wrong, and if there are gray areas to be able to sort them out. It never crossed my mind that he would think I didn't want him. Although his birth wasn't planned, he was my gift from God. God knew what we needed. I definitely need to control my temper and not get so angry. I don't control it very well. To me its common sense, and I don't have a lot of patience for people that don't have any.
Break time is over. Time to hit the books. Say a prayer that my kid will have a good life. He is a challenge, but I didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I love him. Kiss your babies and loved ones. God Bless.

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