Sunday, January 09, 2005

Tomorrow is the big day...

and I am scared shitless. Sorry about the language, but I am. My first full day of classes. I feel like a 14 year old insecure girl with braces. I only have 2 classes on campus tomorrow. At least the weather will be good, and since I am taking dad's truck I don't have to worry about the freakin car. That lets me concentrate of the fear of my insecurities. I want to be able to blend in, but thats not possible. I need to get so worried about it that I would fix what is wrong that makes me stand out. But I don't. I worry, whine, complain, and feel helpless. Then I eat. That really fixes things. I have plans, and keep thinking I will start tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, but then its today. So I will start tomorrow. I am a real piece of work.
I know I am getting wound up for nothing. I am sure it will be fine. I'm not stupid. I can't let my friend that starts tomorrow know I am scared. She will probably pee her pants, or just not show up. I have to be the pillar of strength. (I will wait to bawl like a baby when I get home. LOL) I am sure by that time it will be over with and I will know there was no reason to get scared.
The next day is the b'f eye surgery. I hope I don't have any homework cos I have to go back to school Wednesday, and the eye thing will take the whole day. Most will be on the road. Over and hour to his house, over an hour to the surgery, an hour of preop, an hour for the surgery, an hour in postop, over an hour back to his house, tending to him, making sure he is safe and secure, and fed, and over an hour back home. I don't have to leave here till about 8:30 AM Wednesday. I will be lucky if I am home by 8 PM. I don't want to leave him alone, but I have to get the kid to bed ready for school the next day. Plus homework, and so far I don't know when I will get to access my online classes. Those start tomorrow too. I am going to stop at Staples and see about another modem I think.
Time to go. Brownies are about done in the oven. (After all, tomorrow is another day.....) Take care, and kiss the family. God Bless.

1 comment:

Kicknit said...

I hope all went well.