Tuesday, May 30, 2006

My son, my son.

I don't know what to do. Tonight was his first little league game. He was awful. Not as far as batting and catching, which he can learn to do better. He was awful as in playing in the outfield, picking up the dirt and tossing it in the air, turning around and looking at the lights, taking his cap off and turning it backwards and just continuously playing around. I was embarrassed. The coaches would tell him to be ready, put his cap back on, stay awake, etc. They kept telling him to back up on the grass, but he would just get to the edge so he could play on the dirt. I was sitting behind them and I think they weren't sure if they should yell at him or not. I am an awful mother and went up to one of them and asked him to tell him to focus and pay attention.(I basically asked him to yell at my son across the field.) I am afraid he is going to get hit by the ball if he isn't even watching the game he is supposed to be playing in. We had a talk about it tonight, and I told him he is letting the team down if he is going to be messing around and not taking care of business. I think he thinks it should just happen and he doesn't have to do anything. I told him its something he needs to work and practice at. I told him I didn't know whether to let him go ahead and play if he is just going to do that, he got upset, so I am hoping it will sink in. I am really hoping he starts maturing up to his age level soon. There is going to be a lot more problems in his future I am afraid if he doesn't. A little messing around is fine, but enough is enough. They only played 3 1/2 out of 5 innings. (the score was 13-3, no way they could catch up.)I know its good for him to be involved in sports, but not if he continues to do this. The coaches (an I as well) have told him its not peewee league any more, and the rules are more strict. One of the boys on his team is also ADHD and they go round and round. I told him tonight just to stay away from him. The coaches aren't there to be babysitters, and they should be old enough to take care of themselves without someone having to sit between them. It drove me crazy! I need to relax more, but I am hoping he can get his act together soon. I want to be able to go to a game and relax, and not watch him acting up. He doesn't think anyone will ever hit the ball out that far, so he doesn't care. I have tried to convince him that the boys are bigger now and hit a lot harder than the ones he played with last year. He may have to learn the hard way. :(

God Bless, and pray my sons hard head won't get beaned with a ball. :(

Monday, May 29, 2006

Which Superhero are you?


Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Iron Man
Wonder Woman
The Flash
Green Lantern
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Saturday, May 27, 2006

What I learned on my summer vacation

1. No matter how hard I wish it, my house won't clean itself.
2. How to thread a weedeater string.
3. I can spend whole days getting nothing accomplished, and not feel guilty.
4. The guilt-free thing only lasts till I look around at the interior or exterior of my house.
5. My lawn mower hates me.
6. I need to learn how to get rid of yellow jackets. (the bees, not clothing attire.)
7. Walking a lot and drinking a lot of water makes me feel better.
8. My sons teachers aren't all bad.
9. I'm scared of the unsureness of my future. (oh wait, I already knew that.)

Ok, thats the list. I know its kind of short, but I have only been out of school for 2 weeks. I have one full week of glory left before its time to go back. Sigh

I am confused by a friend of mine. She says I am like her best friend, but I don't know. I don't know what being a best friend means to her. I have tried to confide in her, and I know it doesn't go any farther, but she has an odd attitude I think. My opinion is if someone is down and needs to talk, you listen, nod, and maybe even say "I know it has to be hard" or something to that effect. When I mentioned about being so sick and tired of driving 74 miles a day to school and back for me, (she lives less than 5 miles from school) she says, "yeah, me too, but we can't fly." We were talking about some other things that are affecting both of us, and I guess the grass looks greener on the other side. I think having one income is better than having none, even if you are used to 2. She thinks its harder to get down to one income than have none coming in. ????? I am not trying to outdo her. I just want her to count her blessings instead of getting so upset. It could always be worse. I know I have some obstacles ahead of me, and it scares me shitless. But I am thankful for what I have, and the things I have made it through.

I am still logging my steps every day. It helps me make better decisions about my exercise and eating habits. I have lost 13 lbs so far. I am still retaining too much fluid, and still have no idea why. Today the belt on the mower came off, so I called my stepmother. She was coming over to pick strawberries this afternoon so said she would help me get it on. Meanwhile I went to use the weedeater, and the string ran out. Then I got the pushmower out and showed the kid how to trim around the trees and poles and stuff, and showed him 2 and told him to go on from there. While I was weedeating he went around those 2 things, put the mower back in the garage and went back in the house to watch tv. Thats not going to happen next time. He is old enough now to get some more responsibilities. I push mowed for awhile and got a lot of mileage in today. It was up to 89ยบ when I was push mowing, so needless to say I didn't get a lot done. I was a wringing wet mass of sweat when I got in the house. I called my nephew about the mower belt, and he said its supposed to be even hotter tomorrow. I went in and turned the central air on. I am not going to suffer like this again tomorrow. It wears me out.

I need to get to bed. I am whooped. God Bless.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


I started this blog when my friends daughter was killed in a car accident. She was almost 17. I didn't have anyone I could talk to about my grief, so I wrote it here. I was just thinking about my friend. She has made a lot of changes, and has her ups and downs, which is very understandable. She is starting a sort of foundation in her daughters name. She is trying to do a collaborative book to raise money to help people in need. I applaud her for this, and I know her daughter is pushing her on. She would be so proud of her mom.

Her graduation from high school is this month. I'm not sure when. I know that her class is carrying a candle in her honor during the ceremonies. I was hoping to get to see my friend while I was on break from school, and thats when she told me. She is mourning all over again, and I understand. I mourned when my daughter should have started school. I mourned her when she would have gotten her drivers license. I mourn her every birthday she should have had. Sometimes I secretly and quietly mourn her when I see the cute little girl baby clothes at Walmart. I know my friend does the same. My heart hurts for her so sincerely.

I thank God so much for my son. Even though he is bullheaded, thinks he's boss, and knows everything. (sometimes its like looking in a mirror.)

God Bless. Please say a prayer for my friend. She needs all the support she can get. Thanks.

Friday, May 12, 2006


Another semester over. Thank God. and I mean that! I don't know what I got in math yet, but I have an A in psych, a B in wireless, and a C in security and server. I wish it was better, but it could have been worse. I wanted to crash on the couch and watch a movie with my kid, but he had a better invitation. (sniff sniff) So, my big night as a free woman, not a care in the world, and the wild woman I have become, I watched a tv movie tonight, and then played pogo for awhile. I am ready for bed now, and I forgot to celebrate with my wine cooler even. Geesh. Some party animal I turned out to be. I am even bored with myself.

I am going to take my boring old self to bed. Maybe I will dream of knights in shining armor coming to sweep me off my feet and take me off into the sunset. Hahaha. I quit believing in fairy tales a long time ago.

God bless, and thank God that finals are over. Whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.


I have a final in one hour and 32 minutes. I get inspirational emails so I thought I would read one more for some divine inspiration before the exam. (like flipping the pages of a Bible, and sticking a finger on a verse that turns out to be just the one you needed at the time.) Well, I open the next one that comes in my inbox, and lo and behold, here is the title:

"Help, I Have Lost My Mind (again!) - May 12, 2006"

Ok, I was looking for something a little different. I had already knew that. lol This was a great confidence booster to see. ??? LOL. Here is the rest of the article:

Help, I Have Lost My Mind (again!) - May 12, 2006

"For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But
we have the mind of Christ." (1Co 2:16 av)

In the hectic and messy lives we all live, it is easy to loose our
focus. A common expression we use is "I have lost my mind" or someone
might ask you "are you out of your mind?" I have a perfect answer for
you next time someone asks you the second question; say "yes, I am out
of my mind, I have the mind of Christ"

God has given us a wonderful roadmap to knowing Him better. What is even
greater is that He has not given us a "piece of His mind", but rather He
has given us the whole thing. It is all perfectly contained in the
Bible, the unaltered word of God. If you find yourself thinking you are
about to loose it, or you are struggling with anything that keeps you
filled with anxiety, go to the Bible. I guarantee the answer is there.

I have fairly regularly globe trotted over the last few years on
different mission trips. I love it when I tell relatives and friends
where I am going. The response I always get is the "are you out of your
mind?" Next time someone asks me that I intend to tell them that I am
out of my mind, and promptly ask them to join me in leaving my mind
behind. Maybe I can just leave it in the back pocket of my jeans at

Contributed by Carl Holmes:

I get these mailings daily from here if you're interested:

I better get going. I have to do a quick flip through my Bible before I leave. Lets see what the next message I find that is planned for me on this day.

God Bless, and keep a lookout for some divine inspiration.

Monday, May 08, 2006

God's subtle hints.

I play at Pogo quite a bit. Last night I was there playing some solitare minding my own business. I like to unwind, and play whatever strikes my fancy. (come of think of it, I don't ever recall having my fancy struck, and not even sure what they mean by fancy, but I probably would have known if it was struck at any given time.) Anyway, I was reading the chat while playing. I go to the same room to play solitare because the people seem very nice, and they all seem to know one another, so its like witnessing a family gathering when someone pops in and they all say hi and ask how the family is, etc. Its amazing how people can get close without ever meeting. Anyway, I usually don't say much. I am not a "regular" in there.
Last night when I was reading the chat while I was playing, someone came in I had never seen before. Someone commented on how they hadn't seen them in awhile. They asked after his health, and how everything was going. Well, he said that they were close to losing the house. There wasn't anything really that he could do, and he was questioning whether it is worth living or not. They talked for quite awhile, and I just read. The person they were talking to had to leave, and most of the regulars weren't there. It got real quite, and no one was chatting. They have private chat on there for members, so I thought maybe I should chat with him and let him know that people care. I talked myself out of it. A lot of people meet on Pogo to hookup, and I didn't want him to think I was hitting on him. Some women are so desparate for attention they will hit on men who are married, act like jerks to them, etc. I didn't want him to think I was coming on to him. So I go on with my game. I am thinking about this poor man and his family. Apparently he can't work, and he said his wife is working her fingers to the bone to try to hold onto everything. I keep playing solitare. I say a prayer for him under my breath while I am playing. I feel for what his wife is going through. Working hard and worrying about losing their home, and him being so depressed, and the kids not caring. I keep playing. I think I should talk to him, but geesh. He doesn't know me, I don't know him. I keep playing. I pray about it, his circumstances, his family, whether I should talk to him or not. I keep playing. I go to flip the next card, and nothing happens. I click again. Nothing. Everything else seems to be working, except the game. OK, OK! I got the hint. The chat still worked. So I private messaged him. Its those subtle little hints that God give me from time to time. (its like someone standing behind me and shoving me into dong something I am hesitant to do.)
We chatted for awhile. I told him he needs to let his wife know how much he appreciates and loves her, and that as long as they are a team they can get through whatever comes their way. I told him not to give her more to worry about. It would be awful to wonder if you were going to find your husband dead when you got home. You just never know. He was very chatty, and I hope it helped him just being able to talk about it. I told him I would be praying for him and his family, and I have been. Quite a lot. I know prayers can work miracles. God just doesn't always give us the answers we want.
I am going to bed. I am beat.

God Bless, and let people know you care. Maybe it will help.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Almost done

One week left to go. I have 3 exams on Wednesday and one on Friday. A lot of prayer for me would be very appreciated.

I found myself snapping at my son all day today. He talked all day long, from the minute he woke up till about 20 minutes ago. I could have sworn he didn't take his meds today. I asked him nicely to calm it down. He started making all kinds of noises. He was testing me, and my patience was gone. I was getting really angry. We went and got groceries, and I lost it. I know if anyone heard us they would have thought I was an awful person. He would go off making some outrageously loud obnoxious noise, and instead of saying "calm down, or be quiet" I would clench my teeth together and go "SHUT UP!!!!!" I hate that phrase. The kid was driving me crazy, and was enjoying it. We stopped at BK after shopping, and I realized I only had one cup of coffee today, so I was having caffiene withdrawals. I quit drinking pop again, so I haven't had a diet pop in about 2 weeks. Until today. I can feel the blood coursing through my veins again. I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR! I love caffiene. I don't even feel like roaring at my kid. Maybe cos he went to bed and is being quiet. :)

We had city wide rummage sales in town today. We took the stuff that was leftover from the last sale. We set it up at a ladies house that my stepmother used to work for. It was about 7 am, and it was set in the paper to start at 8. People started coming as soon as we got there, and they already had about 3 massive tables of stuff set out. The lady started screaming (I am not kidding) that the sale didn't start till 8 and we weren't open yet. I think she thinks she is doing the public a favor by letting them touch her stuff with the option to buy. My philosophy on that is, if you see anything you want, buy it. If there is a box we haven't unpacked that looks good to you, feel free to root around in it. A sale is a sale. At the end of the day, the old bitty only made about $25, my stepmother made $124, and she almost threw all the stuff away after the last sale. She said it wasn't worth dealing with. Its a pain in the butt, and I really hate rummage sales anymore, but she had some nice stuff. I quit going since I end up buying someone elses junk and never use it. The only thing I have bought in the last few years (besides a few articles of clothing for the kid) was a cloth angel who sits proudly on my shelf in the living room. She is a beautiful whimsical country angel.

I had my first session with my new therapist yesterday. She seems very nice. She said I don't give myself enough credit for what I do, the same the therapist-in-training said. I don't know if she read it on the chart or what. We had a nice talk. She said it sounds like I am doing all the right things for G. I am so worried I'm not. I don't want his life to be as screwed up as mine was. I know how it feels to be picked on as a kid. I felt better after talking to her. I started reading a book called Raising an ADHD Child, A Parents Handbook, (or something like that. I care more about the content than the title of the book.) I haven't made it very far into the book, but at least I feel that I am not alone anymore in the way I feel, the way he is being treated, and the reflection that is put on me as the parent. Thank goodness there are others out there. Anyway, once this week is over, I plan on devoting a lot of time to walking and reading this book.

I haven't been going for walks like I was before. Too many projects due and not enough time. I have one homework assignment due for Monday, which is actually a practice final for math, which is going to be very helpful on remembering what all we covered for the semester. I am going to do it tomorrow. Then I just have to concentrate on studying for the finals, and I can have some downtime. The kid goes to school for a couple more weeks after I am done, so I will have some free time to go for walks by myself, nap when I want, and get caught up on Dr. Phil and The View. ;)

I better get to bed. God Bless, and say a prayer for me. Thanks.