Monday, February 28, 2005

No rest for the wicked....

Well, I took a few days off of the study routine. Days that I somehow thought I deserved. Today it all came crashing down. Now, come Monday I have not one, but TWO tests. We had a test in hardware today, and will have another test chapter next week. In Network, we are having a test over 4 chapters. EEEEEKKKKKK! I have two outlines and 3 tutorials in Logic due before then too. :( Who's stupid idiotic idea was it to take a few days off????? Oh yeah. Mine. :( Back to the grindstone. Later. LOL

Tomorrow is a busy day. I get to take kitten to the vet for the first time. He is going to hate me more than he already does. He is getting declawed, and emascualated and has to spend the night at the vets. I feel sorry for him, but he is such a good cat I want to keep him around. He goes at 8, and at 8:30 the kid has a little program at school. "The Three Piggy Opera" is at 8:30, so I will be flying to the school. He said he doesn't have a part, he just sings. I told him thats a big deal, and if he keeps looking at it like its nothing, it won't be anything. He said I was just telling him that to make him feel better. He sounded so disappointed, I just want him to enjoy everything, even if he isn't first, or second. Crap. I am not doing as well in school as I thought I would. I am working my butt off, (well, except for this last week) and had real high hopes of doing better. I am going to keep reaching for the stars. If I reach, great. If I don't, maybe at least my arms will get longer. Maybe stretch out the gams a bit. LOL My b'f told me tonight that I am his hero. He said I am always striving for ways to better myself. Its better than sitting on my ass not doing anything. I want to be thinner, therefore it takes work. I want to be smarter, so it takes work. I want to have more money, etc, etc, etc. I am not the type of woman that men rescue, no matter how much I want it or need it. They all think I can do just fine on my own. Thats what I have wanted people to think for so long. There is nothing worse than appearing needy and being ignored. Therefore, I don't need anyone else. Except I do. One of my ex's told me once that I didn't need him. I told him thats when I needed him most. I told him once that he didn't need me, and he said no, but he wanted me. That was a great feeling. I was doing searches for myself on the web tonight, and people I care about. Just to see if I was there, and if they were there. I don't like being able to type a phone number in Google and have my name show up. WITH A MAP! I did that a few years ago and had it taken off. I don't show up in the yahoo search either. Thats a good thing. Anyway, I did a search on the old b'f that I found in bed with someone that I thought was a friend of mine. (yeah, I know, I had heard of it happening, but just knew it wouldn't happen to me.) :( He must have moved to wife #3's place, cos the address was different than where he lived with wife #2. I was just long term live in #2, between wife 1 and 2. (2 was my supposed friend till I found them naked together.) He left her for wife #3. I lived with him and his kids for a year, and I still really miss the kids. I think of them every birthday, and other times when I wonder how they are growing up. They were just great kids with a shitty dad. I hope they are growing up well in spite of that fact. I wasn't allowed to see them after I said goodbye. It was awful. I moved back in with my grandma and I had to go on antidepressants for awhile. She said I would cry in my sleep. Must have been bad if it woke her up. Gee, is it any wonder I don't really want a relationship?????? I don't think there is such a thing as a knight in shining armor anymore. The only man I met I can trust, I don't care for. I am not even sure about trusting him. He doesn't trust me, and my ex husband was that way. He didn't trust me and I think it was because he knew what he was doing, or trying to do. Oh well.

I have to go pay my hospital bill tomorrow. :(( I called my attorney, and he said if I had it, it would be a good idea to keep on good terms with the hospital. Its over $800, and I don't know if I will ever get it back. Pretty bad the record I had with the company and they won't take responsibility. The settlement would be nice, but I would be thrilled if they would just pay the bills. Even if they don't, I am glad I had it done. Its amazing how much difference it makes. I can play cards with my kid now, we can battle on gamecube, and my hands don't get numb at all. It just amazes me. I still have that one finger thats numb on the end that I got caught in the machine, but at least its still there. It could have been very different. He (the attorney) said I should contact the workmens comp people and ask about a permanancy settlement for it. He said he would help me if I needed him, just let him know. If I don't need him, it means more money for me, and at least they paid the bills on that one. Its wierd though. With half of it being numb, its hard to pick stuff up with it. I had to start doing my makeup a different way. When the dr. sewed it up he got the skin too tight for one thing, and said there is probably some nerve damage. No shit. LOL

Time for bed. Its a long busy day tomorrow. I have a logic assignment due tomorrow night too. Ain't life grand?????

God Bless. Even exboyfriends, wherever they may be.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Saturday morning....

I am getting out of my funk over missing Jerry. He was like a drug to me. Even though I was pushing him away, only because I didn't want to be an enabler, I thought it was for his own good. I guess it was too little, too late. Ah well. A wasted life. (ok, maybe I'm not, but am working on it. )

I got a bread machine Thursday night. Needless to say, I have wanted one for a very long time. The kid loves cinnamon raisin bread, so I will find a mix for it. I googled recipes but some of them have ingredients I have never heard of. The b'f is low carbing it, and I have been toying with the idea, so I was trying to find some low carb bread for the machine. I stumbled on a cool site that has a message board. I LOVE good message boards, so I am seriously considering taking the plunge. I know I will, but crap. I JUST GOT A BREAD MACHINE! I made a loaf of whole wheat bread yesterday, and have a mix for hawaiian bread. I am hunting some low carb mixes. I know they exist, but the small store I was at yesterday didn't have any. I don't know why I am so afraid of getting hot looking (and feeling). Its not like I can get pregnant any more. Sex was always great when I was smaller. Now I don't even want it. I think that depends a lot on the partner. Hmmmmmmmm, going for low carbs to sex in the same paragraph. (Too much coffee and wheat bread for breakfast I think. ) Maybe some pent up frustration there.

I had lunch with some of the girls I used to work with yesterday. The only one still working there is fast approaching her last day. Next Friday, and her birthday is Tuesday. She has been there about 27 years. She works part time at Walmart too, but is going to full time. I wish her well. It was great to get together. We talked about what everyone is doing. A couple of them who are barely older than me are babysitting grandkids. Not much money in that, thats for sure. One doesn't get paid at all, and I am sure the other one treats it just like a job, and gets paid. We sat at the restaurant for 3 hours. It was great.

My friend that is having a severe life change/b'f problem called me on the way home. Her b/f is out on bond now and called her. She said she didn't tell him where she moved. I don't know if she can keep it up, I think she will be seeing him again. She says she just wants to get money from him now. Maybe she didn't really love him like I thought? I told her she just needs to get away, cos any money she gets may not be kosher anyway. She didn't act like that was a concern. I just say run, run QUICKLY.

Time to get moving. I am going to dye my hair today before b'f gets here. It will be real extreme for a day or two, but I didn't want to do it before lunch yesterday, but want it somewhat "toned down" for class on Monday. It makes me feel hot, even if I don't look it. That and the colored undearwear does wonders for my disposition. I even exercised yesterday. AGAIN! :)

God Bless, and hug your loved ones.

Thursday, February 24, 2005


I treated myself when I went out shopping the other day. I got my flowers I didn't get for valentines, candy that I didn't get for valentines, and I got a Barry Manilow Cd that wasn't the live version. I like live versions sometimes, but not when its the only album I have by that artist as a rule. (Yes, I said artist, and if you are going to diss Barry, don't let me hear you.) Anyway, I've been up since 4 am. My son came and curled up with me, and for being so small, is such a bed hog I decided to get up. I put in my new Manilow Cd (Ultimate Manilow) and was just watching my WMP. Pathetic, I know, but its fascinating. I was playing with the visualizations and it just amazes me what one plunk of the chords on a piano will do, making the visualtions jump and flitter about the screen. I really enjoy technology. Its so awe inspiring how things have changed since I was a kid. I can only imagine what it would be like with a fast connection. I found out I am out of the area for DSL, but they are putting me on the wish list. :( Someday I too will be able to fly with the big boys.

With all these cool visualizations, it makes me long for the good old days of drug induced fun. I miss a lot of the fun I had back then, but responsibility is a big ummmmmmmm, responsibility. LOL The last time I was stoned was when my son was conceived, and that was over 9 years ago. Before that, it had been a few years. I was already growing up. Too many bills and not enough cash flow. I have never been the type of gal that guys bought drinks for, given flowers, and apparently chocolates. LOL. I just go out with duds. That is the problem. I went out with one guy who gave me a rose on the first date, which I thought was kind of cool, but we only saw each other twice. My son wasn't even 2 years old yet, and this guy wasn't someone I wanted to be around my kid, which meant he wasn't good enough for me either. I had to start basing things on that, because I used to hang with a lot of people that weren't good for me, but since it was just me it didn't seem to matter as much.

There has been some discussion about old flames calling back after years. I have had that happen a few times, and one guy would call every couple of years to see about getting back together. He was a sweet guy, not hard to look at, and he treated me like a woman. BUT he was an alcoholic. He would tell me he quit drinking, or needed help quitting, but he didn't really want to. One time he called and told me he quit, so I went over to visit, just to see. We had a great love affair in our earlier years, and it would have kept going if not for the drinking. I get over to his place, and he was telling me it have been almost a month since he had a drink. Of course, I sat across from him in the living room and could see the beer sitting under the coffee table with the condensation running down the can. I mentioned it to him, and he got this sheepish look. If he would have been honest, he would have had a better chance, but don't try to get back with me and lie to me the first time I see you in about 5 years. He used to call every couple of years, and then it stopped. Of course, I did the Google thing, and nothing. He had so much potential, and we treated each other really well. I just got tired of the passing out, the lying, and being with a drunk all the time. I found an obituary archive online, and checked. His name was there. :( He died 3 days after my birthday. I don't know how, but it was probably self inflicted. Such a crying shame. He was a good man, just a good man with a problem which made for stupid decisions on his part. Such a waste of a good person.

I am going to back to staring at the visualizations now. I am depressed. God bless. Kisses to Jerry, wherever you are. :(

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Whats wrong with me?

I don't think of myself as overly sensitive. Most of the time I don't feel I am sensitive enough. Sometimes I feign caring about something that really doesn't matter to me. I can't think of any particular incident, but its standard for me.

That said, there are two things that can make me cry within seconds. One I can understand, but the other I have no clue. When I see a baby, the tears start. I know this has to relate to the daughter I had that was stillborn. I don't necesarily think about her in the moment, but I know its close to the surface. Today I saw my aunts great grandson at Walmart. He is 2 months old today. I didn't cry in front of the mom, but I started choking up. She probably thinks I am a real flake. Either that or she thinks I have a cold. I will go with that one. I understand that one.

Since that one makes sense, at least to me, this next one doesn't. I have had uncles in the military, but it was when I was very very little and didn't know what was going on. One uncle was in Korea, before I was born, and the other one was in Turkey, but I don't remember when. I don't consider myself overly patriotic, which may be a bad thing to say. I am grateful for my country, and I thank God there are people who are willing to risk their lives to go fight. I love my country, I just don't consider myself a flagwaver. Before this gets to sound like those boring humdrum political blogs, (which I don't completely comprehend) on to my situation. When someone sings patriotic songs, I bawl like a baby. When people say the pledge of allegiance, I lose it. I was at a Mark Lowry concert once, (one of many actually, a very very talented Christian comedian) and he did a tribute to the branches of the military. When he said the name of the branch, he wanted the men in the audience to stand up so they could be applauded. I was a mess. I am a strong person, and felt very odd bawling like that. People around me were wondering what was wrong, but I don't know. I can't explain my reaction. No one I know has served, except for my uncles, and that didn't effect me. I have had this reaction for years, and the first time I noticed it was at a fireworks display. Today before I went to Walmart I had planned to do some banking, but the streets were blocked off. Then it hit me. Today the local troops were coming back from Iraq. When I saw the street blocked and the people walking toward the square, I started bawling. They were walking that direction from all over town. (I had tried various routes to get to the bank, to no avail) By the time I got to Walmart, I had to sit in the car and pull myself together. I got in the store and I think I looked ok. Then I saw the baby. We talked for a few minutes, and I went on with my shopping. Then they started over the intercom. " The troops are currently on route ## and about 20 minutes from town. " CRAP! I started tearing up again. A few minutes later I hear "The troops have now entered the city limits. Lets welcome our kids home. " DOUBLE CRAP! I can't even type this without bawling. Do I need therapy? Or what? What the hell is going on with me? Don't tell me I am a caring sensitive person, cos I wouldn't believe it. Did I lose someone in a war in a past life? Ooops. I don't think Christians are supposed to believe in past lives. If anyone has a clue, or an idea what I can do to stop this behavior, let me know. I feel like a freak.

God bless. Love and support your troops and your country. Wherever they/it may be.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

You just never know.....

I got a call from a friend tonight. She has been madly in love with a nice looking guy that she met online quite a few months ago. Her family has met him, and they get along great. She is one of the ones that keep bragging about how great they have it. Well, her heart is broke and I just want to cry. I don't know all the particulars, but this was supposed to be her knight in shining armor, and he let her down. Badly. She was so upset when she called. She wanted to know if through the program we are on if you are allowed to transfer schools. She says she has one week to move. All those times that she bragged and bragged, and the advice she gave me about my b'f, and now this. She fell hard. She doesn't know where she is going yet, or what she is going to do, but she is a survivor. I told her I have a room she can use for awhile if she needs it, but I really pray she doesn't. I like her well enough, but I am way too hard to get along with. I had a roommate before, and we didn't speak for a long time after she moved out. Two women living together after they are as old and set in their ways as we are wouldn't be a good combination. The offer is there if she needs it though. Everything was great on Friday morning, but came crashing down sometime since then. Say some prayers for her. She thought this was "IT".

I have been doing homework all day. Literally. The other girls never got in touch with me on the lab thats due for tomorrow, so I am going to take what I have so far. I just got done with a quiz in hardware. I didn't realize it had to be done before tomorrow, but it expires at 8 am, so I got it done. The instructor is some kind of prankster. There were 15 questions and they were all worth .666 points. I am not cracked about that idea. I got my business outline and quiz done, my computer logic done, and the quiz. All today. In the morning when I get up I will work on the lab for Networking. If I am the only one working on it, my name will be the only one on it, thats for sure. I thought with all of us working on it we could have been done by Thursday or Friday.

Time for bed. Say a prayer for my friend, and her ex. Sounds like he needs it too. God Bless.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

It's Saturday night!

B'f and his son just left for home. They came over early today and we got the sump pump down in the basement straightened out. Now I shouldn't have to put the hose out the window any more and the one in the pit will work automatically. Now its pumping out directly to the backyard, so it won't be as bad as it was before. YAY! It was going to be a "work on my house day" as far as do-it-yourself stuff, but thats all that got done. He started working on the sink drain in the bathroom, but it was time for the show so he said he would finish it when we got back. I could tell he wasn't sure what he was doing, so when we got back he didn't even go to the bathroom. This is a guy who usually goes about every 1 1/2 hours like clockwork. I thought he was going to explode before he left. LOL. Needless to say, I will have to try to figure it out later. Like maybe Tuesday. I have a ton of homework and 3 assignments due Monday. Not a good thing. Dishes are waiting till then too.

I took the kid for our yearly shopping trip yesterday. I took him to Red Lobster for lunch, which he loves as much as I do. I got one of the super duper big meals and brought half of it home with me. G got chicken strips. I was shocked he didn't get shrimp. He loves that, but it was his decision. We went to the mall so I could look for a particular store that I had never been in. We found it, but I wasn't impressed. He begged to go to Spencers. I don't think it was a good idea to take him in there, and I won't be doing that in the future unless they change. Used to be the "questionable" stuff was in one basic section, and I could kind of steer him around the butt stuff, vibrators, and boob stuff. This time everyplace I turned there was a picture of a big ass in a thong, boob mugs, etc. It's a shame, cos they have some neat joke stuff, which is what he likes, but he's not ready for that other seamier side of merchandising. I got a pair of jeans on a great sale, and they were expensive jeans. I got a pricey jacket at the same store, but being the type of person I am, everything in the store was 25% off. Then, if you filled out an app for a charge, it was 10% more off, and if you actually used it for that purchase, it was another 10% on top of that. Needless to say, I got both for 45% off. Good quality for Walmart prices. :) I also got me a new top at another store. There was a strange woman who came in shortly after we did. I thought she came in with someone, as she kept talking, but turned out it was to herself. Being a small clothing store, it was odd. She was carrying on half of a conversation, and no one was picking up on the other half.

We got some more gamecube games while we were there. They were used, but they were ones he wanted, so it was a bargain. Buy 2 get one free. We played Mario Golf after we got home from the show. We went and saw Are We There Yet? It was a riot. I really enjoyed it. B'f and his son had seen it before, but said they would take us. We tried to get in last week, but it was too full when we got there.

I was pricing some treadmills and eliptical trainers. I need something. I tried one of the trainers at Sears, and I think it would give me quite a workout, and wouldn't be hard on my feet. At least it didn't seem like it would. Low impact, I like that. These old bones aren't as sturdy as they used to be. I thought I was getting an exercise bike from a friend of mine, but she changed her mind. Seems that she needs it now, which is fine. Whatever. I need something for the breaks between homework. I am sitting on my butt too much.

Time to close. I may not study tonight, but I am going to get my workstation all set up so I can start right in tomorrow.

Take care, and God Bless.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Valentines is over for another year.....

and I am glad. B'f came over, so he was happy. Since he is diabetic, and he used to love sweets, I got him a heartshaped box of sugar free chocolates. When I talked to him tonight he was eating some of them. He said they were very good. He brought in a big red and white gift bag when he came in. I got a calendar with some great castle pictures. He knows I have enough calendars to choke a horse, but knows how I love a good castle picture. Very thoughtful actually. Told me he thought I could scan them in for desktops. I have been finding some great desktops for the new computer, but I sure miss all the ones I had on my old system. I really need to see about getting that back one of these days. Anyway, he got me a stuffed dog that sings an Elvis song. I hate stuffed animals, but don't have the heart to tell him, since that is his standard gift. Every Easter and every valentines I get a stuffed something. Now, for the kicker, there was a good sized heart shaped box in the bottom. About 5" probably, and about 4" deep. I was hoping for some chocolate since I haven't had any decent chocolate in awhile. I am not a big candy person, but dark chocolate is a great treat. I opened the box.... and it was a bag of carrots. CARROTS! He said he didn't want to ruin my diet. I didn't realize I was on one, but I guess I am. I kind of try to be most of the time, but it was VALENTINES DAY. No flowers, no chocolate, but carrots and a freakin stuffed animal. Ah well. I knew it was no love match anyway.

My feelings on flowers: I don't know why other women appreciate flowers. I only know why I do. I love the beautiful complexity of God's creation for one thing. Flowers can be so intricate in the design. I know of no one that could have done them any better, no matter how they try to engineer them. To me, since they are disposable, it also means they care enough to throw a little money away on me. It may sound funny being as practical as I usually am, but it means a lot to me. Now, when I say flowers, I don't mean a dozen roses. That is very impractical unless they were home grown. One, two or 3 roses would mean more to me. Lets not be foolish about it. Money is hard to come by, after all. I will admit, roses are my favorite flower I think. I love to come in the room that has very fragrant roses sitting in there. The best time to get flowers are the "no reason" flowers. Stopping and getting one at the convenience store would please me to no end. B'f has only gotten me flowers twice. Once, his son told him to get me a rose (at the convenience store) and it was wonderful. I didn't find out till later that it was his sons idea. His son didn't even like me very well then, but I think he had seen his stepdad do it, and thought it was a good idea. Smart kid. I oohed and awwwwed, etc, but the only other time was when I had my hysterectomy. I think there were flowers and balloons then. I was pretty drugged for a few weeks so its kind of fuzzy. I mentioned to him how much I love flowers, and he told me that his ex yelled at him for buying them before, so he just doesn't. I told him kind of jokingly that I wasn't his exwife, trying not to sound too bitchy, but it didn't work. I have bought me a few bouquets at Walmart when I am feeling a little fancy free with the checkbook. When my kid runs out of milk for his cereal, I would feel like crap if there were flowers sitting on the table that I paid for. I have a huge lilac bush in the front yard and when they flower I race out and bring some in. They really are beautiful. I wish I had one growing out the kitchen window, and have thought about putting one there. Its awful close to the drain thingie though. (sorry about the technical jargon. Its a gift. LOL)

I should be getting to bed. Its stormy out and I am kind of spooked. Its dropped 30º in the last 6 hours or so, and its very very windy and rainy. We had some sleet/hail/ice pellets falling a bit ago. I asked b'f what the difference is in sleet and hail, and he said one is bigger than the other, but they are both ice pellets. So, we had some sleet on steroids it sounded like. Glad I was safe and warm in my home. I have classes tomorrow, so I had better try to get some sleep.

Call your loved ones, and let them know you care. God Bless.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Conflicts conflicts conflicts

I have worked my butt off all weekend trying to get my homework under control. Yesterday I got one class finished, and got a good jump on another one. Today I got the 2nd one done, and took 2 quizzes, helped my son with his homework from missing school last week, and helped a friend of mine who has one of the same classes as I do. She called asking for help, so I did what I could. Then she called again, and we worked together some more. I had to get online to do one of my quizzes and get my other assignment turned in, so I called her as soon as I got offline again. She was crying. She has no faith in herself at all, and thought she was doing it all wrong. She was so flustered she didn't think to check the book to see if it looked right. It was perfect, and she had uninstalled and reinstalled the program twice cos she thought she messed it up. I assured her it was great the way it was, and relax. I get frustrated, but I want to throw things more often than not. I don't, but I have issues, thats for sure. Ok, I don't OFTEN.

B'f told me Friday night that he is planning on coming over Monday night for Valentines day to spend some time with "his sweety" (gag!) I told him if I got enough work done, that would be ok. I am such a bitch sometime. I know he thinks I am putting school before him, but if it wasn't school it would be something else. I have sooooooooo much work to do. I like the Computer Logic class, but am having a hard time with the instructor. There is still the issue of the test I took, and she probably hasn't read the last email I sent her yet. I imagine I will hear about that tomorrow. I can't believe I got such a crappy grade, and can't even find out what I missed. I know its all computerized and stuff, but after telling her the problems I had, I think she should let me take it over. She said there is nothing we can do, and I will know better next time. I did NOTHING wrong. It didn't give me the results like it was supposed to. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Life goes on. I just want the best possible GPA that I can get, and don't want to get screwed because of a glitch.

Time to hit the sack. I can't study any more tonight. The pages are blurring in front of me. Say a prayer for me, please. God Bless.

Friday, February 11, 2005

It's HERE!!!!

I got my tax return this morning. A very pleasant find in the checking account this morning. :) Of course, I already spent $1500 getting caught up on bills and getting my computer paid off like I said I would. I need to find out for sure how much I own on propane, and that will take another chunk. It feels good not to have any late bills sitting on the shelf. I get my unemployment check tomorrow, and then in a few weeks I get my Pell grant check. I may get a new bathroom this year after all. I have to be very very careful with what I have, so not too much fun money. I want to take the kid to Red Lobster. I guess I will take b'f if its feasible. We can't go this weekend, as it will be way too crowded by the time he will get here, especially with it being Valentine weekend. I need to go shopping now and find him something. He goes overboard, but its sweet. He takes a lot more stock of holidays and anniversary's than I do. Maybe its because he thinks he is in love, and I am not? I know when I was married it broke my heart when he was out of town on my birthday, or anniversary. I know our first year anniversary he was supposed to be home but got a load out. (he was a truck driver) It was an overnight run, so I went against the rules and went with him. I packed a basket, and we ended up celebrating our first anniversary eating freezer-burned wedding cake and drinking sparkling apple juice (that looked like wine) at a rest area outside of Indianapolis. Those were the days. Too bad it turned ugly a few years later. He is on wife number 3 now. I learned the first mistake, and don't intend to make it again. I wish I could love b'f. I respect him in a lot of ways, and Lord knows I am not perfect, but he is too quick to fall into doom and despair, and won't even try to find his way out. He thinks the whole world is out to screw him over and he can only sit back and take it. That I can't respect. Even if you try and fail, at least you try. I get all gloomy and stuff too sometimes, but I like to think I keep trying. I don't have a choice. As I went outside in my jamas last night to take the hose out to pump out the basement for the 2nd time of the day, I was counting my blessings when I got in the house. For all the brokeness and complaining I do, my house is still warm and cozy. (at least it felt warm after being out in jamas when it was only about 20º out!) I have a kid that loves me, I have the "privilege" of being able to go to school, I have a home, and no car payments. I guess its all on priorities. The car looks like crap, the house needs work, school is a lot tougher than I thought it would be, but life keeps going.

Well, off to the shower and then shopping. I pick the kid up at 11:30 today to take him to lunch with a friend and then to the dr. He has a nasty nasty cold and I have kept him home for 2 days. He went today since its just a shortened day for him, and he was doing better this morning. We have to see about getting his medication changed. I may get him a movie or a gamecube game for Valentines. It feels so good to have money in the bank!

Hug the family. Make sure they know you care. God Bless.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Its been a day....

Not too exciting. G and I both have colds. When I picked him up today he was coughing and carrying on. If not any better by morning, we are both staying home. I have enough homework to last me for quite awhile. I got a big assignment turned in today, and took my test in computer logic. The test was messed up though and part of the questions didn't show up. I took screenshots of the ones I had and emailed them to the instructor. I told her I had to guess because the whole question wasn't there. I hope I get points for any of those I missed. I thought it would be one of those that is graded as soon as you take it online. All the others have been, but not this one. :( I have no idea how I did. I think I did ok. But then again, I thought I did ok on the Business test, and I sucked at that one.

I am ready for bed. I have to do an outline for Thursday, and I don't know if I can get it done. I only stopped here because I have to wait for the basement to finish pumping out and I can't read the business textbook any more tonight. My eyes are getting sooooooooo tired.

No mail at all today, which was a good thing. My state taxes were in my account Saturday when I went to balance my checkbook. YAY! Can federal be too far behind???? It only took about 3 days for State to get done. I had just sent them in Saturday night and it was in my account Wednesday. Its not much, but I got groceries today. :) G was thrilled. We had pig in the blankets and mac and cheese for dinner this evening. Poor kid didn't feel like eating though with his cold. I gave him some Dimetapp, filled up the humidifier, and later put one of those cold patches on his chest. They really did good for him last time. I sure hope it helps. I hate when he is sick. He has an appointment with the Dr. for Friday anyway, so she can see how he is doing by then. If he gets any worse before then, I will see if we can move the appt up. (fat chance, but its worth a shot!)

Well, I am off to bed. I can't take it anymore. God Bless.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Off to a bad start.....

The owner of the local Rural King stores called me today. How can there be so many asses in the world? At least he was polite. I told him its a shame, cos I did enjoy shopping in his stores, but it will never happen again. I don't understand whatever happened to customer service. I also told him he needs to be careful about doing business with people that are hateful to customers. After I called the tech line at the pump company and he told me NOT to unplug the floater, the store owner said I should just unplug the floater and it would work the way I wanted it to. Duh. Thats why I did, but was told not to. They just want their money. They won't get any more of mine. I would rather pay double somewhere else. I did thank him for calling though. At least now I know the assholiness goes all the way to the top of the ladder. Good to know. I was so upset I had a real hard time studying. I have been fighting that all day. (concentrating, not the owner of RK, that didn't last very long, but was still too long.)
I am feeling like such a failure at this point and time. A failure as a mother, since I had to go in for a meeting with his teacher and the behaviorial whatever. It was a good meeting, and I told them some of the things I have been doing at home for discipline. They said that was good, and there were some things there they never considered, so that made me feel better. I am going to take him to the dr. next week and discuss meds with them. I noticed him getting out of control, but they don't affect him at home the same way that they do at school. (structured environment and all that). I feel like a failure as a homeowner. My house is falling apart, and it needs some serious work. I thought about applying for Home Makeover. I am sure they have about 20,000 letters and videos that are far worse than mine. Well, maybe not. But I don't think I would be a big draw because all the videos they show on the application part, they all cry. I spent a lot of my life trying not to. I don't want the sympathy vote. I hope to get my taxes back soon and get the bathroom done, so I can have my calgon moments and stay in the tub till I am like a giant prune. I am going to put a boombox in the bathroom, candles, and will break out a wine glass and a little bit of the old crap I have in the fridge. LOL It gets better with age, doesn't it? It was good before. It ought to be great now. LOL Yes, I have a drinking problem. My problem is, I forget to drink it. Its been in there about 3 years I think. I bought some wine coolers once and had them for a year. When my b'f found 3 in the bottom of the fridge, he thought I was "drinking again" I really ought to cut him loose. (all talk, no action, thats me) I used to party (a lot!) but that was before my kid, and before I grew up. Now I am just old and no fun. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so damn responsible.
On to the failure list. I feel like a failing student. The grades are great for now, but I feel like I have been faking it, or its just been luck. I had a quiz yesterday, and it was awful. When I read the questions, it might as well of been in Chinese. (note: I don't know how to read Chinese) I have a hard enough time getting a handle on the English language. ( I sure had a handle on the ones I screamed at the RK manager though. :) ) Out of 26 possible, I got 4.
4! That was 4 RIGHT. 22 WRONG. Not a good thing. As we were passing papers, I saw an 8 slide by, so at least it wasn't just me. We did get to make some cables after that, and got to keep them. Mine even works too. :) So, if they give me an hour, I can make a cable, just don't ask me what type, how long it can be and still be effective, what year they started using this type of wire, and who was the man in the little cubicle that invented Dilbert. Ok, so those questions weren't on the quiz, well, the first two were. I think I will do better on the next one though.
I was trying to do homework today for computer logic, and it was like listening to Charlie Browns teacher, so I went and took a prayer break. There were like a thousand things running through my brain, and I just wanted them out of there. Even while I was praying I was going off on wild tangents. Thinking on how I could have dealt differently with the RK people, but if I didn't let them know how I felt about the way they do business, and would have just taken it on the chin, I don't think I would have respected myself. I am tired of being walked on. There I go again. I wish I could have one day just sitting around watching tv. I miss Ambush Makeover. I have to study study study though. I got a reprieve for a week on my business class, but thats not going to last forever. I have a test to take, and am going to study tomorrow for that one and take it then I hope, while the kid is at school. Its online, so available whenever I am ready.
I am done whining. Gonna try to read some more computer logic before I go to bed.

Good night and God Bless. (even the people at RK, ESPECIALLY the people at RK)

Tuesday, February 01, 2005


That was nicer than what I said to them in the store. I really lost my cool. I went to return the pump I bought last week, that the guy from the manufacturing company told me I shouldn't have got. (See other blog, He was an ass too) I calmly and succintly told the store manager about the company, and said that the pump didn't function the way the packaging lead me to believe it should. I told him how rude and crass the person was from the pump company. He proceeded to tell me that since I used the pump, that they can't take it back, or give me my money back. It was $77.92 shot to hell. I said (very loudly) "this is #$%#^#@*(#$%^ #$%^#^^! and I am never going to buy anything in this @#$%^# store again, and neither is my family. I am going to tell everyone I know about the kind of customer service you have. " I shoved the pump back in the box and stormed out of the store. I am such a genteel lady. NOT. I sure didn't feel like a lady. I called the corporate office when I got home, but the regional manager was out of the office for the afternoon. Not sure if I buy that or not, but I will try again later. I am so tired of having to deal with crap like this. I think it is false advertising, and with no directions, I expected it to work like the pwetty widdle pictures on the box said it would. (thats for the asswipe that talked to me like I was a f'in moron.) Needless to say, I need a calgon take me away bubble bath, but since I only have a shower, the bubbles don't even get started before they are gone. I have a wonderful idea! I could put calgon in the f'in flooded basement and freeze to death in the meantime! Ok, so I have a nasty attitude.

I went to pick up my son after church, and got a note from the teacher. "They" want to have a meeting with me about his behavior. He got 2 tickets today alone, and its just the 1st of February. I about cried. I don't know what else to do. Maybe get his meds changed, but I wish he didn't have to take them at all. I don' t think they make any difference at all. Maybe they need to be stronger. I know my son is no angel, and I get very upset with him sometime. BUT HE IS AN 8 YEAR OLD BOY!!! They aren't going to be behavioral role models as a general rule. When I took him to Saturday school this past weekend, (for the tickets he aquired in January), there wasn't one girl in the bunch. Whenever I picked him up, its been all boys. Some of them from the time before. I have talked to him, grounded him from tv, and I keep moving his bedtime up thinking that might help. If not just getting more rest, but if he gets more tickets, before long he will have to go to bed as soon as he gets home from school. Nah, then he would just get in trouble for not having his homework done. When he gets a ticket, I have the teacher send me a copy so I know whats going on. We talk about them every time. What he should have done differently, and why the offense was wrong. Sometimes he acts like its no big deal, and sometimes its not, BUT, I told him a teacher can't let that happen. What if everyone in the class decided to do that? No one would be able to learn anything. I told him he isn't there to be entertained, or to do the entertaining. I love the little beastie so much. I hurt thinking he is getting a rep for being a "bad kid".

Enough whining and moaning and groaning. I'm going to have a tiny glass of wine, and go to bed. I need to wash my mouth out with soap for the potty mouth today. I think the wine will kill the bad stuff, ya think?

Hold your loved ones tight, and God Bless.

(btw, I'm not perfect by any means. Just forgiven. God still loves me even though I went off on the store manager. I am going to say a prayer for him tonight. The boy needs to learn some manners in dealing with pissed off women waving sump pumps!)