Monday, February 28, 2005

No rest for the wicked....

Well, I took a few days off of the study routine. Days that I somehow thought I deserved. Today it all came crashing down. Now, come Monday I have not one, but TWO tests. We had a test in hardware today, and will have another test chapter next week. In Network, we are having a test over 4 chapters. EEEEEKKKKKK! I have two outlines and 3 tutorials in Logic due before then too. :( Who's stupid idiotic idea was it to take a few days off????? Oh yeah. Mine. :( Back to the grindstone. Later. LOL

Tomorrow is a busy day. I get to take kitten to the vet for the first time. He is going to hate me more than he already does. He is getting declawed, and emascualated and has to spend the night at the vets. I feel sorry for him, but he is such a good cat I want to keep him around. He goes at 8, and at 8:30 the kid has a little program at school. "The Three Piggy Opera" is at 8:30, so I will be flying to the school. He said he doesn't have a part, he just sings. I told him thats a big deal, and if he keeps looking at it like its nothing, it won't be anything. He said I was just telling him that to make him feel better. He sounded so disappointed, I just want him to enjoy everything, even if he isn't first, or second. Crap. I am not doing as well in school as I thought I would. I am working my butt off, (well, except for this last week) and had real high hopes of doing better. I am going to keep reaching for the stars. If I reach, great. If I don't, maybe at least my arms will get longer. Maybe stretch out the gams a bit. LOL My b'f told me tonight that I am his hero. He said I am always striving for ways to better myself. Its better than sitting on my ass not doing anything. I want to be thinner, therefore it takes work. I want to be smarter, so it takes work. I want to have more money, etc, etc, etc. I am not the type of woman that men rescue, no matter how much I want it or need it. They all think I can do just fine on my own. Thats what I have wanted people to think for so long. There is nothing worse than appearing needy and being ignored. Therefore, I don't need anyone else. Except I do. One of my ex's told me once that I didn't need him. I told him thats when I needed him most. I told him once that he didn't need me, and he said no, but he wanted me. That was a great feeling. I was doing searches for myself on the web tonight, and people I care about. Just to see if I was there, and if they were there. I don't like being able to type a phone number in Google and have my name show up. WITH A MAP! I did that a few years ago and had it taken off. I don't show up in the yahoo search either. Thats a good thing. Anyway, I did a search on the old b'f that I found in bed with someone that I thought was a friend of mine. (yeah, I know, I had heard of it happening, but just knew it wouldn't happen to me.) :( He must have moved to wife #3's place, cos the address was different than where he lived with wife #2. I was just long term live in #2, between wife 1 and 2. (2 was my supposed friend till I found them naked together.) He left her for wife #3. I lived with him and his kids for a year, and I still really miss the kids. I think of them every birthday, and other times when I wonder how they are growing up. They were just great kids with a shitty dad. I hope they are growing up well in spite of that fact. I wasn't allowed to see them after I said goodbye. It was awful. I moved back in with my grandma and I had to go on antidepressants for awhile. She said I would cry in my sleep. Must have been bad if it woke her up. Gee, is it any wonder I don't really want a relationship?????? I don't think there is such a thing as a knight in shining armor anymore. The only man I met I can trust, I don't care for. I am not even sure about trusting him. He doesn't trust me, and my ex husband was that way. He didn't trust me and I think it was because he knew what he was doing, or trying to do. Oh well.

I have to go pay my hospital bill tomorrow. :(( I called my attorney, and he said if I had it, it would be a good idea to keep on good terms with the hospital. Its over $800, and I don't know if I will ever get it back. Pretty bad the record I had with the company and they won't take responsibility. The settlement would be nice, but I would be thrilled if they would just pay the bills. Even if they don't, I am glad I had it done. Its amazing how much difference it makes. I can play cards with my kid now, we can battle on gamecube, and my hands don't get numb at all. It just amazes me. I still have that one finger thats numb on the end that I got caught in the machine, but at least its still there. It could have been very different. He (the attorney) said I should contact the workmens comp people and ask about a permanancy settlement for it. He said he would help me if I needed him, just let him know. If I don't need him, it means more money for me, and at least they paid the bills on that one. Its wierd though. With half of it being numb, its hard to pick stuff up with it. I had to start doing my makeup a different way. When the dr. sewed it up he got the skin too tight for one thing, and said there is probably some nerve damage. No shit. LOL

Time for bed. Its a long busy day tomorrow. I have a logic assignment due tomorrow night too. Ain't life grand?????

God Bless. Even exboyfriends, wherever they may be.

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