Friday, November 24, 2006

After the meltdown

Well, after yesterday I feel better. I got all the crybaby stuff out of the way. At least till it happens again. Anyway, I got a perm this morning and I feel different. That can be a good thing. My son doesn't like it, but its going to take some getting used to. I told him I am an old lady so its time I started having to do my hair all the time like an old lady. He told me to get out of the 60's and back to 2006. LOL. It really doesn't look bad, and I needed a change. I was tired of flat hair.

We worked in the yard this afternoon. It was a beautiful day and I had never mowed that last time it needed it. I mowed and shoved all the leaves around into piles, so tomorrow we plan on burning them if its not windy. Its supposed to be nice. We were invited to my aunts house for another Thanksgiving dinner, but I don't know if we will go or not. I have been a bad girl and have taken a holiday from homework. I have 17 files due for Adv. Software Monday, and then another batch on Wednesday, plus my 4th and final paper for history is due on Wednesday. (or Tuesday. I am afraid to look.) I may decide to get back in the groove tomorrow and start getting some of it knocked down. I feel better when I get it out of the way so I don't have to worry about it. I have to go to campus every day next week, so I need to get it out of the way while I have time. I have made notes for my paper, so at least its a start. LOL.

I better git. I just came in today to change over to the new version of blogger, and wanted to see what all had been changed.

God Bless.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

I don't know what to name this post.

Gee, aren't I inventive today. I had a list of things I wanted to discuss, but got here and drew a blank. Where to start?

We had Thanksgiving at my neices house today. Her baby girl is growing by leaps and bounds and is a beauty. We had a good time. The boys had a great time playing together. I got to talk to my brother a little bit. I miss him. We used to be close, but that seems eons ago. I guess it was. He has been married now for over 25 years. Wow. Anyway,the conversation started about our grandmother. She has given up and is waiting to die. She is in a nursing home, laying flat on her back. She doesn't read, she doesn't watch her programs, she just lays there. They make her go to the dining room to eat, but thats it. Then we started talking about Dad being sick, and then we started talking about Mom. I miss her still terribly. She was my best friend, my confidant. Dad told my brother that sometimes when he wakes up in the middle of the night he can't breath, and he know thats how he is going to die. He is ready to go to Heaven and see everyone, but its the rest of the journey there that scares him. Someone told him that with the disease he has that he will just slowly suffocate. I didn't know it, but my brother saw my mom the night before she died. He said every breath she took put her in such pain it was awful to watch. I didn't even know he saw her that night. All of us kids were spread out, my sister was at the babysitters, I was at the ministers house, and I thought he was at my aunts. But he was there. He got to see her. He said he didn't tell her bye because he still didn't think she was going to die. After talking with the minister and finding out she WAS going to die, I prayed all night long that I could talk to her one last time, but it didn't happen.
I am sitting here bawling like a baby. I am too old to be doing this. I was bawling while we were talking. I am 47 years old and still miss my mommy. Sometimes I think I am made of stone and have no feelings at all, and then I melt down like this. My brother said that Mom had said she had seen Jesus, and she knew what her purpose had been, and she was ready to go, and she did. Wow. I felt so selfish wanting her back knowing she would be hurting. I was 10, needed a mom, not a stepmother who treated us like we were intruders into her life. I am glad that finally changed, but it wasn't until years later. We get along ok now. She is taking excellent care of my dad, and thats what matters.

Time to change subjects. I saw a wonderful movie this evening. I finally got to see The Lake House with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. It was wonderful. It was about love spanning time and growing. Its hard to explain, but it was done beautifully. I guess you could say I liked the movie. LOL. I won't put any spoilers in here, but I think every romantic ought to see it. It gives me hope that there is true love out there.

I need to close and go to bed. I am getting a perm in the morning, hoping it will make me feel better. I think I have put all the weight back on that I took off, and need something to perk me up.

Good night, and God Bless. Make sure your loved ones know they are, and make sure and count your blessings.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Counting down

Well, trying not too. That means the safety of school will be over, and I have to get back to the real world. I want to cuddle under the blankies and sleep through the process of me getting a job, and just wake up when I am established again.

One of my instructors realized he put 2 different due dates on our paper that was due, so he moved it to the second date. YAY! That gives me an extra 5 days, so we are going back to the microfilm at the library today. That is addicting, and I think I could spend hours down there. One of my other instructors had posted that there were two assignments due Monday, but (thank God!) there turned out to be only one. She dropped an assignment and turned it into extra credit, so I am going to try to get that done as well. Its not due till the day before Thanksgiving, so thats a great thing. I might actually get it done.

The meeting on Thursday went "ok." The new school psychologist was my instructor for algebra before I started going to school full time. I'm not sure if its a good thing, or a bad thing. She knows her math, thats for sure. But I think if we were left in a room together for too long, it wouldn't be pretty. Nothing specific, just a feeling I have. I had that feeling when she was my instructor, not just because she is holding part of my sons future in her hands. She made the comment that his fine motor skills were awful (at least thats the word I, as a mother, heard) but yet he can put model cars together. He can write nicely when he wants to, but he is so busy trying to beat everyone else at all costs, it doesn't matter the spelling or whether anyone can read it or not. He drives me crazy that way. He gets "done" so he can move on to the next thing he wants to do. He tries getting the crappy school stuff (that doesn't matter anyway, in his mind) out of the way so he can do what he wants. By doing that, he loses more time to be able to do what he wants as he sits in the deans office. He will have Saturday school again a week from today. It drives me BATS!

Anyway, I thought I would just check in, whine a little, and then get on with my day. Its almost lunch time and I haven't gotten dressed yet. Have a great one!

God Bless.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

It's been awhile

Life can get so hectic sometimes. I have been working a job, working on homework, working on my son, and even working in my sleep. (at least it feels that way.)

I will be done with school in about 5 weeks. They are doubling up on homework, and I have a paper due this week as well. I researched the paper yesterday, and even though it won't fit the criteria completely, it should at least get me some credit. I also have to read a book and do a review of the book, not a report. Cripes. So much to do and so little time. I bet the few who read this thought I had passed on or something. Its hard to believe I started writing daily, and now I skipped the whole month of October. I think thats the first time that has happened. 5 more weeks and the semester will be over, and I will be a college graduate. YAY. Sort of. LOL. I am always afraid of the unknown, I like ruts. School is getting to be a rut for me, kind of. Although it changes a lot, its what I have known for 2 years now. Then it will be time for me to let go of the tether and find a job in the real world. I could apply for a job where I am doing my internship, and I may consider that. There are a few problems with that, in that its only part time work, which I need full time, and I am not trained in some of the most important duties I would have. They would have to take me "in training" which I can get by with as an intern. I don't know if they would consider me or not. I am not sure the boss likes me, but the girl I work with says he is short like that with everyone till they work there for quite awhile. So I dunno. If I can't find a full time gig, I would consider it. As it stands right now, I am barely making gas money. Thats not a good thing. Money for bills would be nice.

The kid is still getting in trouble at school. I have a meeting with (it seems like) the whole faculty on Thursday. I am not looking forward to it. I just found out Friday, so I called his counselor to see if she can come too. The more the merrier! She isn't in the office on Friday's, so she won't get the message till tomorrow. I hope she can come. I really need the support. I met with the school counselor the other day. He said that G is very advanced for his age, and he is probably bored. I know he is very advanced, but you would think he would have figured out how to quit spending so many Saturdays at school, but getting his work done. I am going to make an appointment with the dr. to see about changing his meds. I don't know if that would help, but I sure don't think it would hurt.

Life keeps rolling along. I still don't have an mp3 player, still don't have time to work out at the gym. I have been taking homework with me to read. It never ends. At least not for the next 5 weeks. Than magically, it will be OVER. Crap. Sort of bittersweet. I love learning. I just want to be able to absorb all I am trying to learn. I still want to take classes, but now I will have to pay for them myself. I have to get a job, so I can't go full time, so I don't think I qualify for scholarships for part time. Since I will have a degree, I don't think I will qualify for the IMap grant or the Pell grant. I will have to find out for sure.

I better get to the homework. I am still trying to be a mom and told the kid we would go to the show this afternoon. God Bless.