Sunday, August 26, 2007
I love you so. You have been more like a father to me than my own at times. I will miss your humor, your sarcasm, your smile (which usually meant you were up to no good, lol) and your voice. I think the last phone conversation I had with you was when you yelled at me for not charging for the webpage for a church. LOL. I know you were thinking of me and my income needs, but I was thinking of doing something for God's family and not taking money for doing it. I hope you can see my heart now, and know why.
I sat around the table with your children yesterday. They were going through the pictures of your life. There were so many pictures of you doing the things you loved. Wordworking, painting, decorating your son's wedding cake, playing with numerous children, including my own, riding a go-cart you had just fixed, and tons of other things. I found a wonderful one of you rolling around on the floor with my son when he was about 6 months old. They were telling great stories about you. Laughter, mixed with the tears. You are so loved. I hope you realized that while you were here. I think you did.
Don't worry about your wife. She is a great woman, but you realized that a very long time ago. We will take care of her. She misses you. She said it will probably really hit her after she goes to bed, then gets up to check on you and you won't be there. Your middle child and her daughter are staying with her for now, so rest assured she will be surrounded by those she loves, and those that love her.
I cry because I am going to miss you. I know its selfish, and I am SO glad you aren't hurting anymore. Give my mom a great big hug from me. Tell her all about my son. I'm sure she knows and watches us too, but it warms my heart to think about you two up there exchanging stories. I'm going to miss you terribly, and will think of you often with heartfelt love, respect, and gratitude.
I love you. See ya later.
*My uncle passed at 12:20 pm August 25th, less than 12 hours after my plea to God. Thank you God, for ending his suffering.*
Friday, August 24, 2007
First, I want to thank you for all of the blessings you have given me. I have a wonderful son, wonderful family, friends, and just so much to be thankful for. I get to see the sun rise in the morning, and set at night. I get to hear the crickets chirping, and feel the warmth of a touch. There are so many who don’t have that, and I am truly thankful. I may complain about my car falling apart, my home needing major repairs, but they are drivable and livable, and for that I am thankful.
I want to thank you for my uncle who is failing quickly, and ask you to put a tender hand on him and his family. It’s so hard to watch him suffer. Please give us all comfort and don’t let him hurt. He and my aunt has had 50 years together, and its so hard on both of them to part even for a little while. He is tired, and has fought a good battle. When I was a little kid, I was scared to death of him. I would hear my parents talking about how he beat his children. The bruises I would see on them were horrendous. Then he found You. He loves you so. I could tell the minute I saw him after finding you that his life was changed forever. He wasn’t scary any more.. When my son was newborn and had colic, he was the only one that could hold him and calm him. Sometimes I would call 9:00 at night and ask if I could bring my son over because I was ready to tear my hair out from all the crying. Once there, he would carry him around the house, talking softly, and G would relax, the angry lines would leave his face, and he would sleep. No matter how many times me or anybody else tried that, it didn’t work. Only my uncle could do that. His children, now grown, adore him They are so terribly sad watching him suffer. He went from a scary abuser to a sweet giant teddy bear who would give you the shirt off his back. I love him so, and feel such pain seeing what he is going through, and what his wife is going through. Please Father, don’t let him suffer long.
I want to thank you for my dad, for many of the same reasons as my uncle. We have had our ups and downs, and I love him so much. He is ready to go home as well. After all these years, he still misses mom. His health is declining, to where he is almost completely housebound. Please Father, give him rest. They say if you love someone, you have to let them go. I have to let them go. I love them so much. My heart hurts so much watching people I care about not being able to breathe well, gasping for breath with the slightest movement. It hurts to see the look of discouragement as the smallest task overwhelms them. Please Father, take them home. You know how hard it is for me to say good-bye. I have to. I know both are anxious not to hurt any more. Of course, Dad as talked about seeing Mom again. I would just love to see them laughing, and rejoicing, and not hurting anymore.
Father, I know you have a plan for me. You know I need a job. Please, show me what You want me to do, and give me the courage to do it. I am praying you will open the door you want me to go through. I keep applying, hoping the right one will be the one that calls. I don’t have much left of my retirement money. You know my financial circumstances Father. Please show me soon what you want me to do.
Father, please forgive me for my transgressions. I know I shouldn’t complain about my friends. It would be so hurtful to them if they knew. I just get so frustrated, and I feel the need to vent. Please forgive me, and help me to be a better friend. You know my friends, and you know we all need your help. Thank you Father, for my friends, and please help me control my mouth.
Father, I want to thank you for my son. I love him so very much. I worry about him not having friends in school. I worry about him fitting in. That may not be in your will. I never fit in. I think I am a good person, (well, at least most of the time.) I want to help point my son in the right direction, help him through life, and give him a soft place to fall when he needs it. Please help me to be a good parent, and please help guide my son on the right path he should take. I so want his life to be easier than mine. Please help me become more healthy so I will be around to help him, and so he knows there is always someone rooting for him.Thank you Father, so much for all the blessings you have given me. I hope you know how truly grateful I am. Please watch over my loved ones and I. This is my plea.
In Jesus precious name,