Sunday, January 30, 2005

Anyone else having problems?

When I go to view my blog it cuts off the bottom and my browser says "done but with errors on page" It cuts off the whole bottom of my blog, so I can't read comments. :( I'm going to make this a short one so it will fit on one page, I hope. Please let me know if its just me. Thanks. I may give my firefox a whirl and see if it works there. ;)

Firefox works great. No error message. I have to use IE for my online classes.Thats the only reason I quit using Firefox. I will figure something out. ;)

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Buried under a mountain of homework....

Holy crap. I have about 6 days worth of work and its due Monday. I sure don't have time to be here, but I need to relax for a few minutes. I put in my Vivaldi Cd and it seems to be working. I can feel some of the stress running down and pooling around my ankles. Ahhhhhhhhh

I went to the company dr. today. My attorney told me how important it was for me to stress the type of jobs I was doing to cause the carpal tunnel. I did that the first time. I felt intimidated today. Not because of anything he said or did, but all I could think of was that he thought I lied. I know they say you can tell when someone lies by the body language, but thats not always true. I am so (insert appropriate word here, just don't tell me what it is.) that if someone accuses me of something, I feel guilty and act guilty. I think sometimes maybe I flipped out and actually did what they accuse me of. I am the most honest person I know. I used to lie when I was a kid, but it was too hard to keep track. When I would get caught there was a price to pay and it was too steep. After telling the truth for awhile, I found out it is so much easier. A lot less work. People with bad memories should never lie. My son tries, but gets caught. He is upset with me now cos he keeps making promises to me he won't keep. I told him I can't believe anything he tells me, so there are consequences. He didn't bring his homework home last night, and told me he turned it in. I found his folder and the same thing was in it that was there the night before. I made him write sentences out of all 15 words instead of 10, and he got no tv for the whole evening. He cried when he went to bed cos he didn't get any tv. Today when he got home, he did his work, then he watched a short DVD then turned off the tv. I was shocked. :D

This new computer is great. I love the DVD player on it. I haven't burned a cd yet though, and I don't have any DVD's yet. There isn't anything on here that would fill up that much space anyway yet.

Back to the dr. visit. I called my attorney when I got home cos he wanted me to. Luckily he was out of the office so I left him a voice mail. I really dropped the ball on this one. I told him I felt too intimidated and didn't speak up for myself like I should have. The dr. didn't even know why they had sent me back there anyway. I told him they told me to come, so I did. He thinks I will get complete movement back in my hands. They are still tender for now, and I found out I have to clap like a real priss. The scars are real tender still. I have to keep rubbing them out so it will look and feel more normal. If the dr. says its still not work related, I probably won't get a settlement. All because I don't have the guts to speak up for myself. They make me feel like I am trying to scam money from the company and I'm not. But then I feel quilty. I have no idea why. I am always like this. I think I need to get a life. Oh, wait a minute, I am TOO BUSY for one.

I best get back to the books. God Bless, and keep me and mine in your prayers.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


Well, its here. :D It is soooooooooo much faster than my old computer. (Thats why I can put so many vowels in the title. ;) ) The UPS guy got here at 4:00. I waited all day, and he gets here at 4. :( I had to pick the kid up at 5, so it didn't give me much time. I had it set up and turned on. I was playing a game of spider on it just to see how it moved. Pretty good for 45 minutes from box to desk to game. LOL

I got it online after we got back and wow. The connection isn't any faster of course, but this baby can fly. I am getting it more and more to be my own. Yahoo messenger was the first thing. B'f would think I was up to something if that wasn't a priority.

When I would click a button on the other computer, it was sooo slow. It was trying to decide if I really meant it or not I think. This one almost does it before I click. I wasn't sure if I was going to have trouble with the printer or scanner but I bit the bullet and got my paperwork out on the printer. I got everything set up, the disk in the drive, hooked up the usb cable, sat down to go through the screens like the paper said, and a note popped up and said new hardware was found and installed. Of course, being a skeptic I had to try it. OH MY It is beautiful. I had the printer on parallel port on my old one, but tried the 2.0 usb cable on this one. Amazing. Of course, it didn't detect the scanner. Probably a driver issue. It will have to wait.

I have ton o homework again. Another outline and quiz due Monday for business. There may not be a quiz cos there is a test for chapter 1-4. I'm not going to look. I don't really want to know. I have 2 quizzes Monday for my classes on campus, and one wants us to do an online quiz too. For both classes we have to read the next chapter and answer the questions. I swear in these textbooks they don't believe in anything less than 30 pages with ultra tiny print. :( I know where my weekend will be spent. Plus my other 2 classes have work due Sunday and Tuesday. I sure wish I didn't have to waste my time tomorrow going to the dr. Its an hour drive one way, and no telling how long I will have to wait once I get there. I am going to take a book for sure.

I need to get to bed. I am beat. I got the calendar back on the computer. I missed that a lot. I got roboform back, and a new weather thingie. Its 29ยบ right now. :D

Kiss the family, count your blessings, and God Bless

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Getting cranky....

I typed a nice entry in my blog today about waiting for my new computer which should be here any minute. I am getting cranky. After I submitted the blog, it went to an error message about page not being able to be displayed. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

I then called customer service about the sump pump I had bought. I complained about no instructions, and he said that the stores they sell to are do-it-yourselfer stores so everybody that needs one pretty much is smart enough to figure it out. I hate being called a dumbass. He said everything I need to know is on the box. Well, on the box is shows a pump sitting on the basement floor pumping water out of the basement. Gee, thats why I bought it. THEN DON'T PUT THE FREAKIN PICTURE ON THE BOX IF IT WASN'T MEANT TO PUMP OUT THE BASEMENT BY SITTING ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!!! He said I should have bought a different kind. I was thinking "yeah, from a different company, with information actually included!" If I would have known the water had to get a foot deep for the pump to work, I wouldn't have bought it. I even opened the box in the store to see if it said anything, and it didn't. The only paper was a warranty. I checked the website when I got home, and the instructions were N/A for my model. Figures. If the water gets that deep, it would probably fry my furnace. I disconnected the float so I can plug it in when I need it on, and unplug it when it doesn't need to run. He was like "thats not a real good idea" . Well, its either risk burning the pump up or the furnace. I would rather sacrifice the stupid pump. Next time it looks like Home Depot will get my business. He said what disturbed him was that the employee that helped me knew nothing about them either. I personally don't think they should have to know everything they deal with. They should just have to deal with reputable companies that put information in the box. What harm would come from writing a little instruction for it? It shouldn't take very much if every dumbass in America knows how to use it except for me. I guess this way they don't have to honor the warranty since it says the instructions have to be abided by for the warranty to be valid. They stink. There. I guess that told them. (I am sooooooooo mean!) I am never buying a pump from STAR WATER SYSTEMS again. <---shameless antiplug (if thats a word)

I have to go to the dr. on Thursday for the carpal tunnel thing. Again. Same dr. I saw last time. I don't understand why I need to go, but the attorney thinks I should, so therefore, I will go. Cuts down on homework time, which I need to be getting back to. I just had to let off some steam about the STUPID star water system company.

Back to my outline in Intro to Business. (btw, I got 100% on my quiz in network yesterday, but I had to guess on 2 of them, and I got 100% on my computer logic homework. YAY!!!!!) Ok, back to the grindstone. :(

Saturday, January 22, 2005


Baby its cold outside! We didn't even go outside today. Its been snowing and blowing all day. I woke up at 4 am and it was fine, but went back to bed at 5 and when I got up at 7 it was coming down pretty good. B'f didn't come over today, which was fine with me. I got some more homework done, and me and the kid even played a few games. I watched Blackbeard's Ghost with him. I like that movie. We played Uno, and Guess Who. I made chili today. It was a nice calm day. I got all my network class stuff put on one page and printed out so it will be easier to study. Poor kid. While we were watching the movie I was going over them in my head. I have so much to memorize.

The computer was shipped on the 20th. :) I checked on the site, and with the tracking number they said the recieving date has been rescheduled to the 25th. I have no idea why. I got the 2 day shipping on it, so I thought it would be here Monday. It still might be. I was going to check the site again in the morning, and then again Monday morning before class. I already told my parents I am expecting it Monday and am going to leave notes on the doors to take it to their house if there is no answer. I can't wait! I am so excited! I hope it comes Monday cos I will be home all day Tuesday. Its going to take me a bit to get it to where I want it, with all my bells and whistles. I know from my old one what I don't want, and what I do want on it. At least that one was a great learner for me. The bigger monitor is going to be great. I wish I could have got the flat panel, but they are a little too pricey. I can go with the big honkin monitor. Not a problem. :) I am way too easy I think. :)

Well, time to get the warm comfy jammies on, and hit the sack. I am tired. Too much homework has numbed my brain. God Bless.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

It's on its way

I just checked on my new computer. Its at testing right now, and they should ship it by Tuesday. Which means I should get it by Thursday. YAY!!!!!! I am a teeny bit excited. <----------((((trying to act nonchalant and cool). Today was my first no pop day. I even went for a drive and didn't stop and get a drink. :) I had about 4 cups of coffee so I don't go through withdrawals, but maybe I can start weaning myself down there too. I am hoping I can sleep better. I was up most of the night. At 4 am I was playing gamecube. I have soooooooo much homework, but my eyes hurt enough that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on it, but who cares if my dragon dies a few extra times. LOL I got my Sunday homework done. On to the next outline for business class. I worked on trying to memorize acronyms all the way to town and back. I finally got a few of them down. There are TONS but I am concentrating on the ones he said were most important. I have to learn the OSI model layers, numbers and functions for the quiz Monday too. It sounds awful when I type it like that. Then, my computer logic class is due Tuesday, but it doesn't look too bad. A lot of reading.
Well, it's going to be a short one tonight. I need to get my beauty rest so I can feel refreshed and awake in the morning.
Say your prayers, and let someone know you care. God Bless.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

May it rest in peace.....

Well, I called the computer guy. He has never seen a computer act like mine is acting. I could hear taps playing in the background I think. He was giving me the "it had a long happy life, and I am shocked it worked at all with all the crap you have on it. Ok, he didn't say crap, he has too much class for that. He used the term "programs" Such a gentleman. I like gadgets. Especially free ones. He is going to play with it a few more days and see what he can figure out. I need something dependable for school, so........I ORDERED ME A NEW DELL TONIGHT!!!!!!!! I don't know whether to laugh of cry. I got a great deal, so thats a good thing. I don't get my grant till next month so thats a bad thing. I have never had a new computer, so thats a good thing. I can't afford it, so thats a bad thing. Its got DVD, Windows Xp, and other assorted goodies I have been wanting, so thats a good thing. My dad, who hates when I spend a dime even suggested it. My b'f said GREAT when I told him, and Sue emailed back an "its about time you did something for yourself, you deserve it" speech. Crap. The money thing though.... Oh well, you can't take it with you. It sure would be nice to have some to get you through this life though. I should have it by the end of next week, I hope hope hope hope hope. I am just a teensy bit excited. :))))))))) (me with all my chins. LOL)
I am giving up pop as a necessity and only using it as a treat. I finally took the plunge. I almost stopped at the store today, but toughed it out. Water is on the agenda now. I will still have coffee so I don't get the caffiene withdrawal headaches. Those are the worst. I bet I could save enough money in a year on pop to pay for the new computer.... ok, well maybe not. (trying to validate my decision. I will think of something to make me feel guilt free, at least on occasion)
Off to bed for me, so I can dream about watching DVD's on my bigger monitor. Ain't technology great????
Kiss the babies. God Bless.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


I have been working on homework all freakin day. I still have 7 pages to read for tomorrow afternoon, but I am trying to be an over acheiver and am taking copious notes. I thought the outline thing for the business class was such a good idea, I am doing the same for the network class. I have handwritten 7 full pages of notes so far. I know to expect a quiz tomorrow. My brain decided to shut down for a bit today, so I guess it was time for a break. I played a little solitaire to clear my head.
My son had his dealio at church after school, so I thought as a treat I would get pizza for dinner. We haven't done that in a very long time. I got a free one, and I ordered him a small cheese pizza. Thats all he really likes. Sometimes pepperoni, but most often not. He gave me oodles of hugs when we got home. He went to eat, and came in and said he is never doing that again. They put freakin sausage on his pizza. He hates that. It was a waste of money. We scraped it off the rest of the piece he had, and he finished that. I repeated it twice for her. I wish they gave us a copy of the reciept for it. I think I paid for a sausage pizza, but now he wasn't happy, and I wasn't either. He was so excited. He loves when he gets something "special" and still we had to scrape.
I woke up at 4 am and checked email. I do that alot when I have trouble sleeping. Nothing special. I went back to bed, and felt the need to hold my boy. I held him in the crook of my arm till the alarm went off. His little kid skin is so smooth on his face. His hair smelled like boy sweat. I hope and pray for a good and happy life for him. A good woman, as many children as they want. If he ever doubts anything, I hope it is never that he was loved. A couple of years ago, he got in real bad trouble. I was letting him have it all the way home. Not yelling, just lecturing strongly. He sat there with his lip quivering, and I asked him if he had anything to say for himself. He said "Are you sorry that you had me?" OH MY GOD! It couldn't have taken me more by surprise if he would have had a knife and twisted it in my chest. I told him I love him no matter what. God knew I needed him, and that he needed me, so he put us together. We are a team. The reason I get so upset sometimes, is I want him to be a good person when he grows up. I want him to know right from wrong, and if there are gray areas to be able to sort them out. It never crossed my mind that he would think I didn't want him. Although his birth wasn't planned, he was my gift from God. God knew what we needed. I definitely need to control my temper and not get so angry. I don't control it very well. To me its common sense, and I don't have a lot of patience for people that don't have any.
Break time is over. Time to hit the books. Say a prayer that my kid will have a good life. He is a challenge, but I didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I love him. Kiss your babies and loved ones. God Bless.

Monday, January 17, 2005


Homework is caught up. The house is chilly, but it could be a lot worse. It was 2 degrees last night when I went to bed and 4 when I woke up. Wooooohoooooooooooo! Heatwave! It's up to a whopping 9 now. I think it got up to 12 today. Why do I stay in Illinois???? It's gotta be the people.
My dad's dog came over twice today. Stupid dog. Hahaha. He didn't get a treat the first time, so he came back. My son thought he had him fooled. WRONG!
Well, Friday I got a note from the teacher. My son will have to go to Saturday school again. He can't seem to follow orders. No surprise to me there. I don't know what to do about it. We talk and talk and talk about it. Now he is going to be going to bed at 7:30 till he can quit getting tickets. He probably still won't go to sleep, but at least he may try harder since he hates going to bed at all. He got 2 from his regular teacher, and the other 3 were from other teachers. I am at a loss. I want him to succeed in life. I make sure he gets his homework done, then he doesn't turn it it, and gets a ticket. He has to start being responsible for his own stuff. Is it a guy thing? A 2nd grader thing? An ADD thing? It bites.
Break is up. I need to get on with the homework. I don't think this will end till May. At least every day is one day closer. :)
God Bless

Thursday, January 13, 2005


I took my car to Midas today. They are good people there. I called and Jim said he thought he knew what the problem was. Just drop in he says. So, I drive 30 miles to drop in. Ten minutes later, car is running like a charm, not dying, and they didn't charge me for the fix. Of course, it may not be the best way to go, but for now its the cheapest for me. They unplugged the torque converter thingie. The word clutch was in there somewhere too. Ok, so I am not a car person. My car is blue, and thats the important thing, besides it running now. :))))))) Life is good. Bless them all at Midas.
B'fs eyes are still doing great. The dr. told him that he could go back to work today, and surprisingly he stayed home. Usually if the doors are open, he is there. But he sounds great, and is still so totally amazed. He said he never saw a lot of the things in his house in a long time, and was real embarrassed that I had seen his house looking that way. It wasn't awful, but it was worse than he thought it was. I get creeped out from all the bugs, and won't let him do laundry at my house anymore. Not after it cost me $200 to get rid of the bugs. Ewwwwww
Classes are going to be tough. The computer hardware one is going to be pretty easy I think. The networking one is rough. I start reading and my eyes glaze over, and if I put it down for a minute, and pick it up, I read about 3 paragraphs before it dawns on me that I read them once already. I will have to devote a lot of time to that class. Of course, I have to fit all the others in as well. Another challenge. One that needs to be conguered (she says bravely while pulling up her bootstraps) hahaha.
I am so happy for b'f. My prayers have been so grateful for everything to be grateful for. I thank God for the joy of sight, for the birth of my son, for a car that runs, for all the rain thats going to wash away my house. It has to be good for something. Maybe if it floats away then the insurance will get me another one, maybe that is God's plan. Or my wishful thinking. Ah well, life is good. I don't have to go back to class till Wednesday, so I can get my classes all caught up. There is one or two classes I can get ahead on a bit if I have time before I go back. Another snoozing chapter of my networking textbook has to be read by Wednesday. Ton o' acronyms!
The attorneys secretary called me this evening and the insurance company wants me to see a company dr. again. Turns out its the same one I saw for them last May. She asked me what tests I had ran, and I couldn't remember the acronym for it. Now, if she would have asked me what NOS was, or CSMA/CD I could have told her. I finally remembered it was an EMG. I remember how much it hurt. I don't want to ever have to do that again. I just want this finished. I told the sec. that its the same dr. that they sent me to, but since the attorney is out of the office till the 24th, and the appt is the 27th, she said to get everything ready like I am going, and plan on it just in case. I think its a waste of time. I know its important, and if approved, it could pay my house off, and pay for another oil change for the old crate of bolts. :)
If I ever win the lottery, I want a Stang. :) No one expects to hear that from me. Practical, practical practical me. We each have our "other" side, and my other side wants a flashy car with electric everything and a sound system to blow my socks off. It wouldn't be fitting I don't think to have my Manilow playing that loud. I would have to dust off the old Motley Crue cds.
I just feel giddy right now. I have lost 3 lbs, and I feel better already. Life is good.
Kiss the babies, tell the ones you love, that you do, and ask God to bless the good people at Midas. ;) Time to hit the books.
I would also like to thank Kicknit for the encouragement. Its very appreciated. Its nice to know there is a voice in the darkness. God Bless.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Crisis abated (for now)

Well, the first day is behind me. Its definitely going to be a challenge. All 5 classes the first assignment is reading the first chapter. Some are over 30 pages long, and due tomorrow. I got all my web stuff caught up last night. Now I get to read about 60 pages, take notes,and answer questions by tomorrow. I am taking 2 books with me to the surgery, although I won't get much reading done. The b'f expects to be babied, and that is my intention. I feel very selfish in that when we get back to his house, I hope he goes to sleep so I can study. He will need to sleep off the rest of the anesthesia, and it will probably be good for him. He has been nervous about this, and probably hasn't been getting much rest.
I found out my networking instructor is referred to as the "Quiz Nazi" and it seems to be a well deserved title. He said that it will take a week or two for us to quit asking if we are having a quiz, but instead asking what is on the quiz. I also heard that you can learn a lot from him, and that is what I want to do. He said we are going to make a cable we can keep, and with it I will be able to hook my computer and my son's together for free. Its been a pita since his won't print well, and mine can't get online for now. I have been using my jump drive to transfer files so I can print them on mine, but now the mouse quit on mine. :( Its not just the mouse, its the mouse port. I bought an external modem yesterday and installed it, and bam, no mouse port. It sits dark in the corner. And I still can't get online. :( Thats what I am going to school for. Only next time I hope its one somebody else screwed up instead of me. Hahaha I am going to take it over to a friends house tomorrow after I get out of school and see if he can work some magic on it.
Tiime to run. Have a great day, and God Bless.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Tomorrow is the big day...

and I am scared shitless. Sorry about the language, but I am. My first full day of classes. I feel like a 14 year old insecure girl with braces. I only have 2 classes on campus tomorrow. At least the weather will be good, and since I am taking dad's truck I don't have to worry about the freakin car. That lets me concentrate of the fear of my insecurities. I want to be able to blend in, but thats not possible. I need to get so worried about it that I would fix what is wrong that makes me stand out. But I don't. I worry, whine, complain, and feel helpless. Then I eat. That really fixes things. I have plans, and keep thinking I will start tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, but then its today. So I will start tomorrow. I am a real piece of work.
I know I am getting wound up for nothing. I am sure it will be fine. I'm not stupid. I can't let my friend that starts tomorrow know I am scared. She will probably pee her pants, or just not show up. I have to be the pillar of strength. (I will wait to bawl like a baby when I get home. LOL) I am sure by that time it will be over with and I will know there was no reason to get scared.
The next day is the b'f eye surgery. I hope I don't have any homework cos I have to go back to school Wednesday, and the eye thing will take the whole day. Most will be on the road. Over and hour to his house, over an hour to the surgery, an hour of preop, an hour for the surgery, an hour in postop, over an hour back to his house, tending to him, making sure he is safe and secure, and fed, and over an hour back home. I don't have to leave here till about 8:30 AM Wednesday. I will be lucky if I am home by 8 PM. I don't want to leave him alone, but I have to get the kid to bed ready for school the next day. Plus homework, and so far I don't know when I will get to access my online classes. Those start tomorrow too. I am going to stop at Staples and see about another modem I think.
Time to go. Brownies are about done in the oven. (After all, tomorrow is another day.....) Take care, and kiss the family. God Bless.

Friday, January 07, 2005


What a catchy title! Its been a week. I went out for lunch today with friends, and stopped by the outlet mall to get some walking in. Well, I ended up walking straight into the music store and back out again. I got a Manilow concert DVD for myself. I figure I am worth it. Of course, I couldn't tell my friends cos they know I can't afford it. One of my friends got engaged for Christmas, so we oohed and awwwed over the ring, then she had to show the leather coat, and list all the things he got her for Christmas. As we were leaving the restaurant, she turned around and asked me what my b'f got me. I got my Manilow double cd set, and couldn't be happier. He knows better than to get me a ring if he could cos he woujld never see me again and I think he realizes that. I am just as content with my cd as she is with her ring. She had this smug pity look on her face. I feel bad for her because it takes a man to make her feel like a woman, a worthwhile woman. She is happy now, and I am very glad for her. The other friend is such a downer. She worries constantly over everything. She was complaining today about how much money everyone is sending to the Tsunami area. When I got home I found a link that showed before and after pictures and emailed them to her to show they need help right now. She thinks they are just going to build up the tourist stuff again so they can get rich. I cry everytime I see the pictures they show from over there. One minute your family is by your side, and then they are being swept out to sea and not a damn thing you can do about it. I can imagine the screams, and the agony of seeing your child pulled and thrown through the water and never coming back up. I am getting worked up again. Life can have so many things happen in an instant. :(
I think I am going to call it a day. Have a wonderful evening, and kiss your loved ones. God Bless.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Good News!

I went to the unemployment office today to talk to my case manager and get everything done for school. We had to go the mileage thing and get all the other paperwork done. Since I live so far away from the school, I qualify for a different program than some. Most get 10 cents a mile but if you live over 25 miles away, and its 25 miles farther than you used to drive to work, its .405 cents a mile. Mine is going to be a chunk. Good thing for them I only have to go to campus 2 days a week. Its going to be almost $30 every day that I go. Hopefully I can use some of the money to keep the durn thing running. I took Dad's truck today cos the weather was getting rough and I didn't want to have to worry about the car dying in traffic. It's so handy with them living next door. I had a dr. appt about my hand this afternoon, and in that office you never know how long you will have to wait. My son knows if for any reason I am not home when he gets off the bus, he is to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house. That's saved me a lot of worry. I can't believe I am going to get that much for gas. For the whole semester, if I don't miss any days it will be about $950. Thats a chunk of change. I also found out the grant money should be available the end of this month. Thats great! I can afford to take the car to another shop and see if its worth fixing. I just have to be dirt poor for a few more weeks, then I will be able to party down. Heck, we may even rent a movie, instead of the kid dusting off some we just haven't seen in awhile. :D At least the finances will be less of a worry for me and I can concentrate on school. I called the propane company today and told them I just don't have my payments right now, but will catch them up within the next month or two. She was very nice and thanked me for calling and letting them know. I didn't want to think I was just letting it slide and not going to pay it. Heat is too important in this weather. My basement is flooded bad too. RAIN RAIN RAIN. Its coming in almost as fast as I can pump it out. I priced sump pumps today and I can get a decent one for about $85 I think. I need it in case the one I have decides not to start again. The water almost got up into the furnace. Not a good thing.
I am so glad things are looking up for me. Maybe I can sleep tonight. Well, I will have to set an alarm to get up and check the basement. I slept about 3 straight hours this morning and the water was high again. If it ever dries out enough I want to get it set back up where the burned out one is so it will work automatically. This manuel stuff sucks in this weather.
Have a great night, hug those babies, and say a prayer for me and mine. New classes next week, and I am a little nervous. EEK! I want to do well. God Bless

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Why do I do crap like that????

Open mouth, insert foot. When someone makes a comment that gets under my skin, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I was reading blogs, just hitting "next blog" at the top of the page, and one was bad mouthing the US for only sending 35 mil for the tsunami victims. I read that it was either 135 mil or 350 mil, and only second to one other country. I put a comment to them to check the facts before they bad mouth. Geeeeeeeesh. Now, someone I don't even know is going to get pissed. Probably. Why should I care? I do. I feel like I am just a wishy washy wimp most of the time, but you don't mess with my kid, or things I feel strongly about. I think if you are going to criticize something, you need to check facts before you do it. Do I? Not usually. Its "do as I say, not as I do." Now I don't even know what blog it was. :(
I am just tired of everyone talking about Americans like we are trash. I voted for Bush. Not because I approve of everything he has done, but Kerry scares the crap out of me. I don't trust him either. I think with those 2 to choose from, I had to make the choice I did. I am not a political minded person. But enough is enough. Most of the Americans I know are hard working class, getting by the best they can. When someone steps in and talks about "those lousy Americans" it gets under my skin. There are all types of people that live here, not all are lousy. Not even most. The lousy ones are the ones you get to see in the news. Most of us are good people. (except when we get crappy on somone else's blog. :(
I apologize to that person, whoever it was. After reading blogs slamming us, I got fed up. It wasn't horribly awful what I said, it just wasn't necesary. Even if it was necesary, I didn't need to put it that way. And what if I am wrong?????? I'm going to bed. Its been too long of a day.

Monday, January 03, 2005

One more day...

till I get my books. I am anxious to see them. Classes start next week. One of the books is a computer hardware book, so maybe it can help with my modem problem. I am on the boys computer till I get mine back online again. It really sucks.
I just got done talking with the b'f. We were talking about books and reading. He keeps saying he hasn't read a book in years and seems very proud of that fact. That is one reason he is so boring. He said he doesn't have time. I read in the bathroom. Its quiet and I am alone in there. My son asks me what takes me so long in there. I usually tell him I was in the middle of a chapter. LOL I am trying to get him interested in reading as well. I don't want him to see it as a chore, which he sometimes does. I try to read as much fiction as I can, to take me away from lifes daily worries and fears. It's nice to escape from time to time.
Thats it for me tonight. I got off my dead butt and cleaned some house today. Have a good night and better tomorrow. God Bless.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

A Noneventful Day....

I didn't accomplish anything today. No laundry, no dishes, no cleaning of any kind. I got dressed, fed me and the kid, watched tv, read some, and had my son read some stories to me. I played gamecube again for about an hour. The b'f came online, and I didn't even feel like talking to him. 2 days of being with him was just too much.
I went to a website today, It really looks interesting. Hard to do I think, but life changing if I could commit to it. I started downloading the sermons and will put them on cd. One of the sermons is on laziness, so that would be a good one for me. I think if I get more active, I will want to be more active. I'm thinking about not buying any more pop for me at home. Its all sugar free, but I depend on it too much. I decided to start drinking only water in the evening so I don't have the caffiene late anyway. I am such a lousy sleeper I figure it can only help. Geeeeeeeeesh, does this sound like resolutions? I quit smoking on January 12th of 2000. It wasn't a resolution, I had just got my mindset and did it. I knew I was going to do it that time. Here I am 5 years later, almost to the day, and haven't had a puff since. I remember the last drag. 5:26 am. It was a Wednesday. Not that I miss it. :( Ok, so I still do from time to time. (Miss it, not have a drag. ) I want to prepare myself to start this. I don't know how many times I tried to quit smoking, but the last time I just "knew" that was going to be it. I want it to be that way with the getting in better shape stuff.
This is going to be short. I am tired. Count your blessings and kiss your babies. God Bless.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Contemplating vegetarianism....

Well, not really. I found out today that I can't eat venison. The b/f brought over what he thought was a roast, but turned out to be ground. A lady at work had given it to him along with some summer sausage. We were going to have roast, potatoes, and carrots, but I made chili instead. While I took a shower this morning he was cooking the ground venison. He has the patience to stand there and stir and stir and stir. It drives me crazy. He thinks if there is anything on the stove it has to be stirred constantly. I am a stir to make sure its mixed and doesn't stick, walk away for a few minutes, then go back and stir type. He stands there and stirs and stirs and stirs. One of the idiocyncrasies either about him or about me that I don't like. Who's to say whose wrong here? He may be normal, and I may be the anal retentive whatever you want to call it........... (Nope, its him. :)
Anyway, we talked about making omelets this morning, and I was thinking in the shower of a nice fluffy omelete with melted cheese, onion, and bits of ham. When I got out of the shower, he had made scrambled eggs with venison and cheese in them that had been stirred till they resembled saw dust. I took a couple of bites, then ate two pieces of toast. :( I made chili with some of the meat, (it seemed almost in powder form at this point) with my home canned tomatoes, kidney beans, and onions. I was out of chili powder, but I don't like the flavor that it leaves with this cheapo crap chili powder. There has to be something better out there. I told him I didn't always use chili powder anyway. He made some comment about me liking chili that doesn't taste like chili. In my mind I screamed for him to get his sorry ass out of my house and never return, but in real life I told him there are over 12,000 ways out there to make chili, and this is just one of many. He just said, "ok". For us being together over 2 years now, he sure doesn't know me very well, and I am tired of him. Someone asked us one night at the movie when we were going to get married, and I just pretended I didn't hear them. I need to just tell him to go on his way, but at the same time, he wouldn't be seeing anyone else, and neither would I. It nice to have someone to go out with to movies, etc. My son adores him and his son. We chat online every day. I see him more as a friend than anything more, and I know he wants more. I have been over this before, so I won't bore you with the sordid details again. Needless to say, it would be easier on everyone if I could have deeper feelings for him, but it ain't going to happen.
Needless to say, I tried a couple of bites of the venison chili and thought I was going to puke. I am sure it tasted fine, but it was grainy, (probably from all the damned stirring!) and mostly I think it is a mental thing. He said, "Its not Bambi". I told him everytime I see a deer (which are plentiful around here) I am going to beg forgiveness. He took it all home with him, which I am forever grateful for that. As soon as he left I started lighting incense and turning on fans to get the smell out of the house. I had gotten used to the smell, but had to go outside for a minute and when I came back in it smelled horrible. Like Bambi simmering on the stove.
I made me some instant mashed potatoes after he left. He spent the night last night and I think it was just too much time here. I feel bad since we used to see each other 3 or 4 times a week, and now its just once a week, but sometimes its still too much. I hate that I feel that way. He is a nice guy for someone out there, who wants someone with no ambition, a stirring obsession, and I will go no farther. I can be such a bitch. I better go to bed. Its not fair to him. I am no prize either. I write things no one is going to read, so whose to say who is the warped one? (It's him, I think.)