Saturday, April 30, 2005

Its Saturday night.....

My sister came down to get some more benches that my dad is making. He does a great job and they are sooooooo cute. He sells them real cheap, and she has sold a bunch for him at work. She picked up 20 today, and had to help him with the last 8. He hasn't been feeling well at all, but I think it helps him to have a purpose when he has a project.

B'f and his son came over today. We went and saw Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I think it sucked. So did the rest of my party. And it was my stupid idea to go. I felt bad that we wasted the money. I couldn't admit to his son that I HATED it, because he didn't want to go in the first place. I am glad he didn't catch me napping in a couple of parts. I can't recommend this movie at all.

We went to the park after the movie. B'f son was soooooooooo bored. (like usual). Then he was bored at the park. Then he was bored while we drove around the lake. Then he was bored when we stopped at the hardware store. (sometimes I love causing him pain like that. I am hoping it makes him grateful when he gets to do things like go to the park!). I got a bigger George Foreman grill, so we stopped and got stuff for burgers for dinner. I started those, and b'f went out and started putting stuff on the porch roof to keep the coons out. Its called hardware cloth, which I think is an odd name. Its like chicken wire only heavy duty, and in squares instead of octagons. We almost got it completely done, when they guy I bought the house off of was walking by with his son. While we were chatting, I heard the coons cooing in the porch roof again. B'f had brought some firecrackers with him intending to set them off in the house to scare them out, but I said no since I hadn't heard them in over a week. Well, they are still there. Now they have less of a way to get out. He went ahead and lit the firecrackers in the house so now it stinks, and I didn't see them go out anywhere. I went out on the porch and beat the roof with a broom and heard at least one running around up there. I just want to cry. We rented movies we didn't get to watch, to chase coons around the attic. He set the trap up there for me, but if it goes off tonight, I will have to find someone tomorrow to come over and take it out. I hope we catch something. I just want them out of there.

I guess I will try to go to bed. God Bless.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Just a joke....

I got such a kick out of this I had to share.

Friday Funny (from newsletter)

With the professions my husband, Jeffrey, and I are in (web design and graphic design) we sometimes criticize or admire the design work on web sites or magazines.

So, I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth when Jeffrey walks in with some kind of publication and shows me, saying: "What kind of deepy eye would you need for *this* picture?"

I look at the picture, still brushing my teeth—it's of very poor quality—and said, "Ya, it's not great eh?"

"Ya, but what kind of deepy eye would you need?"

I'm done brushing now. "I said 'it's not great', what do you want me to say?"

"Well I'm asking you a question." This sounds threatening somehow. I know he is asking me a question but what kind of answer is he looking for?

At this point I am thinking, "Gee, I have to be careful here. Maybe it's one of those things where you ask a question but you are really saying something," so I articulate this: "Well you are asking a question but you are actually *saying* something so are you looking for more comment on what you are saying? What are you looking for? What should I say? I mean I don't know what kind of deepy eyes there are so I can't name a 'kind.'"

"No, I'm not telling you something. I'm asking you a question. Don't you know what deepy eye is?" He was starting to get impatient.

Finally! My opportunity to get a bit more information! "No, I don't! What's deepy eye?" But then I got a tiny sliver of a feeling that I was going to be more enlightened than I thought—or else maybe be the victim of a prank.

"Dots Per Inch!"

He was totally serious and totally didn't get where I was at. I literally collapsed with laughter. I couldn't even explain myself for a few minutes. Tears were running down my face. I re-ran the whole conversation in my mind, substituting "dpi" for "deepy eye" and kept laughing. Finally I was able to explain what I had heard and Jeffrey also collapsed with laughter.

Ever since then he has been saying stuff like "I saw you coming with my deepy eye." He walks into my office with his hand covering one eye and says "This is my deepy eye."

~ Maddi N

( I just love geek humor!)

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Winding down.....

So far my grades seem to be as follows: 1 (maybe 2) A's, 2 B's, and one as yet undetermined. The Network Essentials is the class I am unsure of. The first big test I got a D on, but I seem to really be grasping this subnetting. We have had two quizzes over it and I have done very well considering my record. I think now he at least knows I have half a brain. LOL. I am sure he was wondering what the hell I was doing in school before. I asked him today if I could get a copy of the presentation he made for the contest last Friday. It was cool. It was a collage of pictures of last years high school contest, and the music was awesome. Very cool. He is the one that made it, so I figured he would be the one to ask. He was suspicious at first, but I told him I just thought it was neat and would like to have it. Its not like I am going to market it or anything. LOL

The appointment with the attorney yesterday went better than I hoped. I thought I was going to have to make the decision whether to go through with it or to drop it. The decision he wanted was whether to go for a settlement or arbitration. I chose settlement. I just want it to be over. Its been hanging over my head for a couple of years now, and I am tired of worrying about it. Either way, it will be good when its done. Who knows, I may even get my house paid off. I owe less that $7000, so it would be good to get that paid off. That and an oil change in the jalopy. LOL. And a tread mill. (and maybe some dark chocolate M&M's in celebration.) :)

I was in Pogo again tonight. I only have 2 days left on my free club thing. My buddy that sent it to me came in and we chatted for awhile. His daughter just got her permit. I told him not to make her nervous. LOL. It would scare the crap out of me if he was breathing down my neck. (Well, not ME, but his daughter, I would probably get ummmmmmm, ideas if he was breathing down MY neck. (wink wink)) :D I have earned 4 badges in the last 3 days. Guess what I have been doing with my time! I told him I thought about joining, but I am spending too much time there, and at least I know how the other half lives. When I get some disposable income it would be ok. My son was commenting on the games yesterday, and I told him I can only play those for a few days cos they are expensive. He gave me permission to take money out of his account so I can get a membership. Is that a great kid or what???? I told him no, but I really appreciate the offer. There are enough free games out there, I can do fine on those. I want that money to go for something a lot more important than games for me.

I finally got my gas expense check yesterday. I still haven't got a paycheck yet since about March 31st. They had to reissue my last one, and I should get another one this week. The gas check really helped. I even got me some Dark Chocolate Peanut M&M's. (celebration for getting the check. LOL) I really like dark chocolate best. Its like when I was smoking. The full flavor doesn't take as much to get me a buzz. Man, I miss those buzzes sometime. I have to settle for dark chocolate and the very occasional wine cooler.

Time for bed. Sweet dreams. God Bless, and pray for post office employees everywhere. They are handling my house payment as we speak. ;)

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


I heard from an old online friend the other day. He sent me an invitation for Club Pogo free for 5 days. He said he thought I could use a break and some different games. What a guy. If he wasn't so jaded against women, a different religion, and so far away, I think we could have a "thing". His exwife really did a number on him. We have talked over the internet, swapped pictures, postcards, and used to chat daily. I miss that. He was very straightforward, which was refreshing. It was like I was chasing him without being obnoxious, and I think it was good for both of us. Its a shame he has such a crappy outlook now. He has a soft spot towards me, I know. I will always have one for him too. We would argue too much, like an "already married a long time" couple. He is very stringent in his religion, and knows it very well. We have had some debates, but respectful debates which is hard to find in some people. Who is to say either one of us is right????? I don't think I am going to go to hell for listening to his point of view. I don't feel strong enough to debate him, but I know what I believe.
I went in to Pogo on my free pass and he popped in for a few minutes. He was flirty like the old days. Of course he always ask how b'f is, and I give him the standard, "ok" Not a love match, but better than nothing I guess. I really miss him, but he isn't online like he used to be, and I am usually studying.

I used to be in Pogo every day. Sometimes all day. If I was online, Pogo was open. I had quite a few friends there, but it got smothering sometimes. I couldn't meet new people, cos my other friends, one in particular, would pop in. She needed the attention worse than I did, but I wanted to talk to someone male without her throwing out innuendos about how much of a hellion in bed she was. I got another screen name and went incognito. It was great. Free.

I met a very nice guy with my new screen name. I met him in dominoes. (It sounds kind of funny now, since online isn't like physical real life, but it sure sounds like it and felt like it) Anyway, we both were playing every day, being winter and not much to do outside. We started meeting every night in dominoes. Same room. We got to know what time each of us had dinner. He knew when I took a break for a few minutes when it was jama time. He was married, but he was having trouble, so I was the therapist. We talked about his marriage, what was wrong, how he could work to fix it, what he used to do but didn't do any more. How she had changed. How he had changed. I gave him great advice. Make her feel like she did when you were dating, don't spend all night on the computer chatting with women, call her from work during the day like you used to, just for the hell of it. He sent me a valentine. (He also wrote that while he was looking for one for me, he sent one to his wife too.) I thought it was funny. I know who was first and who was second on that one, but it made me feel good anyway. We both had deep feelings for each other, and I tried to act like the disinterested party in pursuing anything farther. Thank goodness. One day he told me he wasn't going to go to Pogo anymore. He cared too much for me, and was going to concentrate on his marriage. I had accomplished what I wanted to do, help someone realize a marriage was worth saving. So why did I cry for days, and not go to Pogo for a long time? I still miss him. We email about once a year just to make sure he is still being good to the woman he loves. I couldn't have trusted him if he had left her anyway. We had talked about that. I still miss him, and will always have a soft spot for him as well. I sure respect him for the move that he made.

There are some great guys out there. Some who don't know how to treat a woman they love, and some who get dumped on when they do. Life doesn't seem fair sometimes. I want what I can't have. Would I appreciate it if I had it? I don't know. B'f now is nice, just an underachiever who would rather be a doormat and whine about how he gets dumped on. I hope I don't sound like that. Hmmmmmmmm. He doesn't want me going to school. He is afraid I will meet someone else who has a lot more going on than him. That could be about anyone with the way he looks at life.

Time to go. I think Pogo is back up. (down for maintenance) I have 3 days left on my pass. :)
God bless, and pray for relationships everywhere.

Saturday, April 23, 2005


Tonight we went and saw Fever Pitch with Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon. I found it quite enjoyable, but I have a problem with advertising of movies today. I kept looking for the scene where they are in the bar and she makes the comment that its just a game. It wasn't in there. I didn't go get popcorn, go to the bathroom, I didn't even take a nap (this time) but it wasn't in there. I hate when they advertise parts that aren't even in the final cut. They did the same thing in The Incredibles when they ran the trailer about Mr. Incredible trying to get his belt on. I was looking forward to it, and it wasn't there. I think it should be considered false advertising, and shouldn't be allowed. I realize that its just an ad for the movie, but when they show funny parts I think they should be in the final cut. Thats my opinion. I give Fever Pitch a thumbs up.

My uncle loaned us Ladder 49, and we watched it before and after we went to the theatre. It was an excellent movie, but so terribly sad. If I would have thought it didn't have a happy ending I would have watched it by myself. I try to only watch truly sad movies when I really need a cry.

I finally got some sleep last night. I didn't hear anything coming from the attic. We got a real cold snap tonight, so "it" may come back. I sure hope not. I called a licensed animal control guy and its not cheap to get them out. It would cost me about $65 for him to come out and set traps, then $20 for every one that is caught. If its a mom and babies, it could be over $100 when we catch them. He said they usually have 5 or 6 babies. I am really hoping they are gone. I went to bed 11ish and didn't wake up till 7:30. YAY! I don't know when the last time was I slept that long. I even took a nap today. The swelling in my legs even went down, and I feel better.

We had the high school geek fest yesterday, and I really had a good time. It was nice bonding with some of my classmates. One of the perks was we got a t shirt that matched the ones all the highschoolers got. I wore mine today. One of the guys doing drinks at the show commented that he was there yesterday too. He was one of the kids. He said he had a good time, and his team won for taking a computer apart. I was pleased. I think a lot of people enjoyed themselves. I saw one of the teachers that taught high school when I was there. Life isn't fair. She is retiring this year and looks as young and attractive as she did when I was in high school. That was about 28 years ago. Thats not fair at all. Her husband is now a principal around here somewhere and he is retiring too. I think thats great and wish them well.

I am going to go and give this sleep thing another try. Its nice when I can get the hang of it and actually stay in bed.

God bless, and tell those you love that you do. Sometimes they might forget.

Thursday, April 21, 2005


Depression is settling itself over my land. My own personal land. Lets hope its just a temporary stay. If I could sleep it would help a lot. Part of the not reason for sleeping is because the roof of my house is falling apart and there are racoons up in the attic running through the night. How hard would it be for one of them to chew through the ceiling while we sleep? I think there are babies or at least one up there now. I think it fell. There was a sense of madness as its caregiver ran round and round trying to rescue the babe it can't get to. I am tired. Beating on the wall with a broom every time I wake up. I feel for its panic, but it wasn't invited here.

I thought I would try to do homework now, so maybe I can sleep during the day while it is silent. I don't know what to do about it. Who do I call? If I had money I would just have someone come and replace that part of the porch roof, and animal proof my home. It really freaks me out. I need sleep. I crave it. Its not good for my health not getting at least some of the rest I need. I am getting enough to survive on I guess, but I think that is my problem as far as overall not feeling well, and the depression, and the weight.

I called my attorney yesterday. He said he was waiting for me to make an appointment. More mail I didnd't get. :( He said he mailed it over a month ago, and just assumed I was busy. I still haven't received my check that was mailed out over a week ago. I will have to make some calls today and see if they can trace it or whatever they can do. I really hate having to go see him. I will have to make some decisions as to whether to go through with this or to drop it. If I go through with it, it may cost me more money if I don't get a settlement. I am intimidated easily when someone is trying to prove me as not telling the truth. I DID get carpal tunnel from work. They are trying to say its because I am fat, and because I have trouble with swelling. They say its from the computer, or from when I used to crochet. I know I get wordy in my blog, but most of the time I am on the computer its doing homework (which I didn't have while I was employed), and reading a lot, which I what I used to do all the time. I love message boards and go there to learn. I have a few computer ones I go to, one on a daily basis. I can read it for hours. Not much time for that right now, but that was always my habit. I haven't crocheted since I got pregnant with my son, and while I had symptoms of carpal tunnel then, thats not why I quit. My time became consumed with my child and survival. No time to get the crochet hooks out and whip up a blanket. I kept the last one that I made so he would have one. I tried making one a few years ago for a friend of mine that was pregnant, but the pain was too much. What bothers me is it seems "their" job is to try to prove me a liar, when what I did was hide it for a long time because I couldn't afford to lose the job.

The swelling in my legs hurts a lot. I keep taking the lasix. It seems to help for a few hours, then nothing. They stay swollen only sometimes not as tight. I think rest would help this too, laying down instead of sitting here in front of the computer. It doesn't matter whether I elevate them or not. There is not much relief. I found a medical search engine so I searched "swollen legs" and heart disease was the most prevailing answer. It would make sense. I have a lot of the symptoms. I am hoping that its not just me trying to make it fit so I at least have a clue what is going on. All the tests I had done for the 3 years I was trying to pursue and answer, they didn't do any tests on my heart. If I ever stop on this blog, it will be because I am dead or incapacitated. This is such a release to me, those are the only reason I forsee to quit.

I am falling apart, my house if falling apart, I wanted to be a straight A student, and thats not happening either. I am saying all this to try to get the disappointment in myself out of my system. By typing it out, maybe it will all go away. Leave me to happy thoughts. Some days I can block out the negativity, and just keep on keepin on. Thats what I have to do no matter what.

I better get on with my homework. This was building up and I had to unload.

God Bless, and pray for me. I need to make some decisions I don't know how to make.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Another sleepless night

Here I am again. So far I have gotten about 2 1/2 hours of sleep, and my alarm goes off in 1 1/2 hours. Here I sit. My feet are so swollen I can't get comfortable. I took more lasix to try to get the swelling down before I have to go to class. My babysitting plans fell through so far. I was trying to get him in the campus child care lab, but they are already booked. Official signup isn't till Monday for kids previously not going there, but they are full with ones already in. :( I called my friend that lives in that town, and she still babysits, but doesn't know if she is going to have any openings yet or not. She said she should know in a couple of weeks. I hate to have to rush to school, then rush all the way home after classes. I hope if this other doesn't work out that I can at least get him into his old sitter in the next town. I sure hate to do that though. The good thing about that would be that it would be easier for him to take swimming lessons again. He barely got started last year.

I am trying to memorize the subnet table. I don't get it at all. We are supposed to have a quiz on it today, and a big test either Monday orWednesday next week. We still have to have our test on acronyms too. I am looking forward to that. <----- still sarcastic on minute amount of sleep. I am going to give it a go again. My brain craves rest, but my body doesn't want to comply.

God bless, and please say a prayer for me. I feel life closing around me like a shroud at times. Thanks.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

The birthday is over...

and the night is winding down. I think b'f had a good day. He kept saying he did. He was upset this morning when I called him. He had been thinking about us ditching him and his son yesterday. Its ok if they cancel us, but something is up if we cancel on them. Last summer we didn't get to see his son hardly at all because he was in band and in parades all over the country- side. We weren't invited. He said later he didn't think we would want to go. I looked at it as a break, but he didn't see yesterday that way. Oh well. I had my defense all planned, and he would have felt like shit when it was all done, but I didn't want to do that on his birthday. I'm glad he didn't bring it up today after we got there.

We got there barely in time for church, then went to KFC buffet as planned. Next, we went hiking through the woods. Not the greatest thing to do on a full stomach, and the humidity was up today. I got some good pictures though. Next he decided on Dairy Queen. The boys got into it some there. Then we decided to play pool. Big mistake. His son never takes responsibility for himself. He is perfect in every way. We were all lousy today, and I think we all had heat stroke or something. B'f was better than the rest of us put together, which still wasn't saying alot. Well, the favorite son was having a bad time of it, because all the pool cues were crap. None of them were any good, and he tried them all. The table was messed up somehow, and no one set the balls up for him like they did for the rest of us. Geesh. Anyway, b'f and son were on one team, and me and G were on the other. B'f scratched on the 8 ball. Favorite son got IN HIS FACE, yelling at him like he was a dog telling him it was all his fault that they lost. I blew my cool. B'f was standing there taking it. FROM A 12 YEAR OLD!!!!!!! I blasted him a new one. I told him NEVER talk to his father that way, and he should be ashamed. He is rude, and disrespectful. Here it is his dad's b'day and he is in his face screaming. He looked at his dad like "aren't you going to yell at her for talking to me like that????" and his dad didn't say a word. I apologized later to b'f for going off on his son, but told him I couldn't stand it when he did that. He said he thought it was "sweet". I told him tonight on messenger he is going to have to demand respect, otherwise it is only going to get worse. My son is 8, and he has tried to test the waters, and he barely gets his feet wet before he realizes its not the way to go. My son can be a jerk, but his son takes the cake. B'f used to have the attitude that since he doesn't live with him that his job is just to sit back and see how he grows up. I told him since we have the job of parents, its our job to make sure they grow up to be the best human beings they can be, whether they like us all the time or not. I realize that is easier said than done, since I don't have to share the parenting with anyone else. I can be cavalier with my attitude, because my son has no one else to run to or want to live with if I piss him off. But I know his son won't respect him if he gives him free reign to act anyway he wants. He sees him as a wimp and a loser now as it is. To stand there and calmly take it while he is being screamed at by a kid whose mom still wipes his nose for him, really pisses me off. That's one reason I find it hard to respect him as well.

Well, I am off to bed. I was up from 2 till 5:30 this am, then got back up at 7:30 and had to get ready for an hour and 15 minute drive to b'fs house. I am wiped out. Good thing the sermon was kind of quiet. No one mentioned me snoring, so I must have been quiet. (oops!)

God Bless, and pray for parenting skills for parents everywhere. Its a tough job, and the pay really sucks, but the fringes are out of this world. ;)


I woke up at 1:48 am. My son was telling me how he discovered a new show that was great. Mutant X. Lovely, just lovely. I don't know if this is what he should be watching at almost 2 in the morning all by himself. I told him he should be sleeping. He said he tried and tried (as he is sitting bolt upright watching this "new" show) but is too excited about b'f birthday party. He loves birthday parties. Bless his heart. We are going to go to church with them, take him to KFC buffet for lunch, and he mentioned his son knows where some trails are we can walk. It is a good birthday for us old folk, but G won't be thrilled. He is used to parties with hats, coordinating plates, cups, and cake, a table full of gifts, and balloons hanging from the clothes line.

I remember one birthday I had. We were living in the big house, (where we are at now) so he had to be 4 or more. I told him he had to be nice to me, cos it was my birthday. He gave me a big hug, and had a look of glee on his face. It was a normal evening, but as it wore on, he was more and more perplexed. He came in and asked me when everyone was going to be here. He was concerned, it was getting late and no one showed up. He makes my heart melt so much. I told him I was spending my birthday with the person I loved the most, and it was where I wanted to be. I sure didn't lack hugs that day. He is a wonderful kid.

Needless to say, he fell asleep as soon as we had our discussion about him not sleeping, and now I can't sleep. I was just thinking about how G treats the people that are important to him. He amazes me and brings such joy to my heart. When he was little and used to sleep in bed with me, he would wake up in the middle of the night and root around on the bed. Once he found me, he would give me a hug and kiss, a "wuv you mommy" and drop back to sleep. Now if he gets up in the middle of the night to get a drink, I can almost always be assured to get a hug out of the deal. Sometimes he climbs in with me, but being all elbows and knees after a bit I send him back to his bed.

My niece is pregnant. I am so thrilled for her. This will be her first. We are not "huggy" people, but I gave her a big hug and was choking up. They are going to be great parents. We found out in a not so good way, from someone else, but she was planning on surprising us at our cookout we had.

My sister came today, and we had a great time. G just loves her to pieces. He had to show her some of his game cube games. She bought him a real golf set, so he was getting pointers. She can be quite the taskmaster. I have to learn all the golf lingo now, and she is going to try to come down more often and take him to the driving range. She called when she got home to make sure he cleaned his clubs well. I took a lot of pictures. She was showing him the golfers stance, how to follow through, hold his head, don't stop in the middle of the swing, etc. He looked like a mannequin trying to stand like he was supposed to. They had a great time hitting them into the field. Of course, after that they had to come in and play some Mario Golf. LOL He won.

I am going to try the sleep thing again. Then he will probably wake up. Wanting to talk. And I will listen.

God bless, and bless babies and children that make peoples hearts sing. :) (Bless the person who came up with spellcheck too. I never thought I would use mannequin in a sentence, so it was disposable information. :) )

Thursday, April 14, 2005


No assignments due today, so I may do the one that is due tomorrow. That would be great to get it done early, so I'm not FREAKIN OUT! What a novel idea, to get something done ahead of time. It may be the way to go. :) If I can get ahead, I like to really get ahead. I think thats why I have been so upset with this semester. I can barely keep up, and can't get ahead at all. One of my instructors said that since our class was ahead that there was no assignment this week. I emailed him back and just said "Bless you!". I hope he got a smile out of it.

My kid is grounded from tv, video games, and his computer till Saturday. Yesterday he was playing with some kids that live across town. Next thing I knew they were gone. (Their grandparents were working on the property next to mine) I knew where he was, so I wasn't worried. If he would have asked, I would have let him. One minute they were there, and the next they weren't. When he got home I asked him what he thought his punishment would be. He said nothing because it was MY responsibility to not let him go. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. He saw it my way when I told him I still get to watch tv, play on my computer, and play his video games if I want. He hates when I win. Before he went to sleep I told him how much I love him and worry about someone taking off with him. He has this thing where he thinks he is invincible. He thinks he can put his hands up like Superman and stop cars, etc. If he had more common sense about that kind of stuff I wouldn't worry so much.

My internet connection is much better today. I am ripping some of my tunes onto the computer. I wouldn't do it before because it wouldn't put the album info with it. The connection was crap. Today its Garth Brooks for now. I still wish he was with Sandy. He seemed so much in love with her, and helped me to think it was possible to really be in love. Another dream dashed. I really don't like country music. If you're in love, its fine, but if your not it can really suck.

My sister is coming Saturday. It will be great to see her. Have I mentioned that she is a great person? (Pretty too.) I really wish she lived closer. She is great with G.

I still don't know what we are going to do for b/f birthday. He wanted to go to Terre Haute for lunch, but then remembered he has to have his kid back by 6. I don't see it as a problem, but he does. Oh well.

Well, clothes are in the dryer, dishes are done, music is a rippin', and I am drinking my 64 oz. bucket o' water. I may just take a shower than tackle some computer logic. Two more tutorials and a test and that whole class is done. YAYAYAYAYAY! There is a light at the end of this long dark lonely tunnel.

God Bless, and don't forget to boogie from time to time. It can do wonders for your complexion. :)

Monday, April 11, 2005

Google it!

I was messing around before class and googled Angelize. I was on page 4. I thought that was pretty good. I was shocked before when I googled a screen name on a message board that I used and one of my posts showed up. I learned then that you can google just about anything. I googled SunGrooveTheory, and she was the only one that popped up. I can't imagine that she is the only one. (wink wink) It was fun while it lasted.

I got my assignment done tonight and turned in with 1 1/2 hours to spare. I was sweating it. I hated to wait till today to do it, but I didn't have a lot of choice. I have an assignment to do tomorrow, and a test to study for for Wednesday. Someone gave me the answers to the assignment due tomorrow. I didn't even look at them. I want to learn it, and I can't do it that way. She was trying to be nice, so I took them, said thanks, then filed them in my backpack. Of course, I should have been very noble and either told her "no thanks" or thrown them away when I got home, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, well, just in case I get stuck. Maybe. I think its just a comfort to know its there. At least I don't have to do a project this time. Just write some code (EEK!) and answer some questions.

I am going to try to go to bed. The adrenalin trying to get that stupid outline done and the quiz taken wouldn't let me go to sleep yet. I am winding down, and can almost feel my head touch the nice cushiony pillow. I played one of my cd's (Billy Squire, of course I had to dance my way out the door when I left. LOL) today while I was at school full blast so hopefully there are no critters in the attic again. Hopefully the power will stay on and I can turn the tv up so I don't hear them if they are there.

God bless.

Who needs sleep anyway?

Last night was a sleeping disaster. I was trying to go to bed. Really. I don't recall if I mentioned the problems I have with my house or not. I love my house. It has a few problems, but its mine. There is a problem with the roof. No obvious holes on top or anything, but the way it was constructed, the porch roof is "built into" the house roof part. The rafters extend out the front, and that is the porch roof. I know I didn't explain that very well. Anyway, my porch roof is falling apart. For every place we find and patch, another one opens up. The reason they open up, is because raccoons like to reside in my attic without a thank you, reservation, or anything. Of course, this drives me totally insane. The thought of them getting out the attic somehow and running rampant through the house fills me with such fear, I know to others I seem irrational. (after 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night, I look irrational and feel like I just walked out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something). I have been assured that there is no way they can get in the house, but these are the same people who can't figure out how they are getting in the attic. They get inbetween the ceiling in the living room and the floor of the bedroom, and run around like crazy. I, of course, beat on the ceiling with a broom handle trying to scare them outside. The ceiling in my living room has little spots all over it that are indentions of the broom handle. It looks like hell now, and its a reminder all the time that there are critters that have access to parts of my house whenever they want it. It must have been about 1 am as I was trying to sleep that I heard "it." I did the broom thing. No help. My kid won a prize for selling crap for school that has a siren/alarm/PA system on it. (a hat that has 2 drink holders on it with a giant straw so you can drink out of either side) While this great prize usually has no battery, and stays out of my sight, it was placed strategically in the living room, fresh battery, and could be heard blasting in one of the 8 different blast sounds this morning. It sure got it running, and after about an hour it quieted down. I left the light on, thinking that if it got out of the attic and in the house that it wouldn't go in a lighted room. (I was desperate for sleep, and thought it couldn't hurt.) So, I am sleeping away, for about an hour, when the power goes out. I was alerted when the UPS from the computer started its infernal beeping that is loud enough to wake the neighbors and their children who don't even live at home anymore. I got up, shut the computer off, lit candles, tried to call the 800 number to the electric company from my cheap little cell phone and find out I can't because there is a restriction on it, (first I knew of that) so I had to call from the only other phone in the house that doesn't depend on electricity, and then sat watch. I finally remembered the little clock that has an alarm and hunted it down. I get it set by flashlight, and by this time its a little after 4. The power came blazing back on at 5:07. I roll over, go back to sleep, and the alarm blasts again at 5:30. Time to get up from my restful sleep and start the day. I have to go to school. I have a test. I have to get my summer schedule lined out. I have to get my unemployment paper turned in so I can get paid. I have to get my sons prescription filled so he doesn't get kicked out of the second grade. I hope the rest of the week doesn't go in the same vein.

God bless, and have a great week. (and please pray that the raccoons can find a quieter place to live. I plan on making it pretty miserable for them here.)

Sunday, April 10, 2005


but I can't. And I can't just lay there, waiting for the sleep to come to me. I am not patient that way. My eyes hurt I am so sleepy. Soon it will come. But I can't just lay there.

I got my paper done today. YAY! I typed up a bunch of notes for my test in hardware tomorrow too. I looked through the summer catalog to see what classes I want to take so I can discuss them with my advisor tomorrow. I just want to get it done, so I can plan the summer better. I am trying to get G in the child care lab there. I may have mentioned that. I think it would be great in that I wouldn't have to race home. We could go out to eat, or I could take him out to the lake and show him where I got poison ivy on my ass. LOL. That will stay my secret. I don't want him to know his mom was a tramp. It was ok though. I was in love. I really was. The first love. Not the first time, but the first love. We were like bunnies too. Oh how I miss it. Oh well. At least I have fond memories. "sigh". He is the one that is gone now. Such a waste. He is missed. I have a lot of fond memories of him, and not just naked. "sigh". He treated me very well for the most part. The booze really got in the way though. Life goes on.

B'f has hinted a few times about me checking out the hunky guys on campus. I know it bothers him, but I can't help that. I don't check them out. I know none of the guys on campus want me "that way". If I was outgoing and confidant I might, but I'm not, so I won't. I am a grownup and I can face that fact. I will just continue to be my charming fun-loving self.

I hope with my summer classes I can get them close together and won't have to study at home much. I want to get out and move. My ass is getting wider. I hate that. I gave up for now on the exercising and stuff, but I need to get back at it. It felt great walking through that woods yesterday. We went almost 2 miles just on that one trail. It would have been nice to have a drink when we got back, but I forgot. I haven't even been getting my daily water amount in either. Failure failure failure. I don't know why I have such a hard time sticking with stuff. Maybe if I could SEE a difference????? That would help. I felt better, and now I don't, so that should be motivation right there.

I am getting tired of whining. Tired of thinking about it and feeling guilty cos I didn't do what I intended to do. Its only hurting me (and the people that have to look at me).

I am going to bed. This is crap, and I am going to post it anyway, just cos I can. Only 4 more weeks of classes, finals included. YAY! Maybe I will feel normal for a week or two.

God Bless, and remember, fat people need love to.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Another Saturday night.....

and I ain't got nobody, I got some money cos I just got paid. ladedadeda. Thats a song. I have someone, but might as well not. I don't have any money either, so the whole first part is a bold faced lie. Oh well. I like the song anyway.

Still no exercise tapes. I have to get back in the groove. Badly. B'f came over today, and my son fixed dinner. He has been wanting to make homemade pizza, which he has never done before. I bought a canned pizza dough, sauce, 2 kinds of cheese, and pepperoni last night, so I supervised him tonight. It turned out real well, and he was real proud. I rarely ever let him cook anything. B'f raved about how good it was, so that was great. We went to the State Park nearby and went on a trail. It seemed easier to walk that than it does walking around campus, but we walked a lot farther today. I need to take the pedometer with me to school again and check it out. Its been awhile, and now I know where I am going. Usually. LOL. I hate that campus. Whoever decided round would be the way to go never had to go there, thats for sure.

I still have to 4-6 page paper due. I guess thats what I will be doing all day tomorrow. I got everything else done on time, but I have another outline due Monday, and a test first thing Monday morning I need to study for. I will get it done, because I have to. I really am not looking forward to doing the paper, but I won't like it till I find out how he likes it. Thats the way it is. I feel I am not objective enough, or too hard on myself until I get someone else's opinion. Its a shame I care so much about what others think.

I had a meeting with G's teacher Thursday. I told her of my fears with him. He is trying so hard to tell the truth, and then they still have a hard time believing him. I don't blame them. I can't always tell either, but he is trying. I told her what he said that the other teacher said, about "the incident" probably being his fault since he gets in trouble so much more than the other kid. She said she hadn't heard that, but would talk to the other teacher. I just don't want him getting a bad rep while he is really working on it. She said he is doing so much better than he was the first of the year. She has seen some maturity to him, and thats a good thing. We talk about his behavior quite a bit. Me and G. He knows what is acceptable, and what isn't. He is learning why. Some areas are a little gray to him, but I am just trying to make it clearer. I love him so much, I just want it all to be easier for him, and I don't want teachers cringe when they find out he is in their class.

Time to call it a night. God Bless, and pray for teachers, and those who think they know everything already. :)

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I am a backslider

Its been about 4 days since I did my exercises. I have danced around a bit, but not as strenous and not as long as I would be doing the tapes for. I thought about counting it anyway, but would only be lying to myself, and I hate to be lied to. I can feel myself sliding into more depression again, and I don't like it. I need to just keep on keepin on, instead of stopping the self improvement thing. I am so overwhelmed with school right now. 5 Weeks and we get a break for about a month. YAY!

I found out yesterday I may need to take 2 more math classes. I am going to talk to my advisor tomorrow (if possible) and see if I really have to take both or just one for my major. I pray its just one. I had a helluva time with algebra last time.

I have a career paper due Sunday night. It has to be about 4-6 pages. I finally got my research part done tonight. Now I just have to read it all and get the paper done. I started a page with just random paragraphs to be formed into a 4 page paper. Its not much, but its a start. 3 1/2 pages to do and it will be done! Now if I can just fit it in with the other 4 assignments due by Sunday, it will be great!

I was hoping to have my sister all to myself while she is here, but she called my dad and now there is a family picnic planned. :( No more than we get to see her, I hate to share. She is smart, pretty, makes damn good money, smart, pretty, cute boyfriend, nice house, cute, smart, has her own Harley, and she is smart and pretty besides. She even posed for an art class nude when she was in her 30's. Crap. I don't even like to have to get naked to take a shower. Maybe in another life I will have a body I like. I don't even flirt anymore cos I am afraid they will think I don't know how homely I am, and take me seriously.

God Bless, and be nice to homely people. They need love to.

Sunday, April 03, 2005


I rarely ever dream, or at least remember my dreams. Sometimes I think it is due to exhaustion that I don't dream more. I have always been a very poor sleeper, and I think that effects my dreams. Although last night I went to bed around 11:30, I was still up at 3:15, changed the clocks, checked email, played a few games, and went back to bed around 4:30. It doesn't usually do me any good just to lay there, because I get frustrated I can't get back to sleep. Anyway, between 4:30 and 8 this morning I had two dreams. Here goes:

The first dream I recall, we were driving down the highway around a big city somewhere. We were in my car, the beat up, hardly any paint, car. The wind was horrific, and as we were driving along car hoods were blowing up in the wind, and breaking backwards over the cars, turning some of the cars into toylike objects blowing around. Cars were smashing into buses, other cars, etc. It was like driving through a mine field of flying cars. It was a mired mess, and just before that dream quit, I looked at the hood of my car and it was twitching a little, but we were still plugging along against the awful awful wind.

Dream #2: We (and I am not sure who the "we" is in either dream, because I can remember being with someone or more than one, and even speaking to them, but never seeing who it [or they] are) are touring an old victorian home that is selling crafts. Every room is decorated in a theme and has victorian stuff for sale. I have been in some houses like this in real life, and they always send a feeling of wealth to me. I asked the lady in the front part of the house if there was a restroom I could use. She was extremely pleasant, and seemed to enjoy her job really well. She gave me directions to the home bathroom, so away we went. I went through the dining room, and there were people sitting at the table just chatting. One of the ladies looked very snooty, and there was a vibe of definate untrustfulness aimed at me. She didn't like me from the get go. I viewed her as a snob of the worst kind. She asked where I was going and what I thought I was doing. I told her I was trying to locate the bathroom, and she kind of harummmmmphed, like she didn't want me to go there, and sure didn't trust me not to steal something. I finally found the bathroom, and it was one of the low ones that doesn't hardly use any water. It had overflowed all over the floor, and was a disaster. I went back out to tell them and felt better because even though she was such a snotty bitch, her toilet was screwed up just like everyone elses can be, and there was no pretending it wasn't. That was it.

They both disturbed me, so I thought if I wrote about them they would be gone from my mind. This is a great way to unload.

God bless, and sweet dreams.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

"Insert Title Here"

B'f and his son just left. My son had Saturday school this morning. My eyes hurt because I am so tired. After I picked my boy up at 10, he said his lip was itching. Then a few minutes later he gets a fever blister. It happened that fast. I have been putting medicine on it, but its not looking any better. He hasn't eaten since breakfast, which is almost normal for him. I have never met a kid that didn't like to eat as much as him. He hates it. I have tried everything I know to try without letting him eat donuts and cereal for every meal. When it was dinner time his face was flushed, so he laid down, but he is feeling better now.

I mentioned to b'f about us coming down to his house on his birthday and going to church with him. He had a shocked look on his face. I told him I thought him and his son could spend the day together on Saturday, while my sister is supposed to be here, then we will come there the next day. He said that was fine. I'm glad. I know birthdays and holidays, anniversarys, etc. are real important to him. His birthday is officially on that Sunday, so I thought going to church with him would make him happy. I don't know what to get him yet as a gift. There will probably be some sugar free candy involved. I used to get him boxer shorts as gifts, but he felt the need to model them, and it wasn't a good thing.

I got one assignment done today, and started right in on another one before they got here. I have my career paper due on the 10th and I haven't got my research done yet. Actually, I have taken one career questionaire out of 3 so far, and thats it. I picked up a book on technlogical careers from the unemployment office the other day, so that will help. I have 4 assignments due before the paper is due, so I want to get them out of the way as much as I can. The questionaires themselves are kind of fun, and they won't take long. I had to do a similar thing for the unemployment office, but at least there I didn't have to write a paper. 6 assignments in Computer Logic, 2 of which are tests, and I am done with that. The instructor, (and I use that term VERY loosely) looks like she is going to have her baby any day now. I don't know what they will do if that happens.

Time for bed. The kid is tired, I am tired. Sounds like a good time to go to sleep. God Bless.