Tuesday, April 26, 2005


I heard from an old online friend the other day. He sent me an invitation for Club Pogo free for 5 days. He said he thought I could use a break and some different games. What a guy. If he wasn't so jaded against women, a different religion, and so far away, I think we could have a "thing". His exwife really did a number on him. We have talked over the internet, swapped pictures, postcards, and used to chat daily. I miss that. He was very straightforward, which was refreshing. It was like I was chasing him without being obnoxious, and I think it was good for both of us. Its a shame he has such a crappy outlook now. He has a soft spot towards me, I know. I will always have one for him too. We would argue too much, like an "already married a long time" couple. He is very stringent in his religion, and knows it very well. We have had some debates, but respectful debates which is hard to find in some people. Who is to say either one of us is right????? I don't think I am going to go to hell for listening to his point of view. I don't feel strong enough to debate him, but I know what I believe.
I went in to Pogo on my free pass and he popped in for a few minutes. He was flirty like the old days. Of course he always ask how b'f is, and I give him the standard, "ok" Not a love match, but better than nothing I guess. I really miss him, but he isn't online like he used to be, and I am usually studying.

I used to be in Pogo every day. Sometimes all day. If I was online, Pogo was open. I had quite a few friends there, but it got smothering sometimes. I couldn't meet new people, cos my other friends, one in particular, would pop in. She needed the attention worse than I did, but I wanted to talk to someone male without her throwing out innuendos about how much of a hellion in bed she was. I got another screen name and went incognito. It was great. Free.

I met a very nice guy with my new screen name. I met him in dominoes. (It sounds kind of funny now, since online isn't like physical real life, but it sure sounds like it and felt like it) Anyway, we both were playing every day, being winter and not much to do outside. We started meeting every night in dominoes. Same room. We got to know what time each of us had dinner. He knew when I took a break for a few minutes when it was jama time. He was married, but he was having trouble, so I was the therapist. We talked about his marriage, what was wrong, how he could work to fix it, what he used to do but didn't do any more. How she had changed. How he had changed. I gave him great advice. Make her feel like she did when you were dating, don't spend all night on the computer chatting with women, call her from work during the day like you used to, just for the hell of it. He sent me a valentine. (He also wrote that while he was looking for one for me, he sent one to his wife too.) I thought it was funny. I know who was first and who was second on that one, but it made me feel good anyway. We both had deep feelings for each other, and I tried to act like the disinterested party in pursuing anything farther. Thank goodness. One day he told me he wasn't going to go to Pogo anymore. He cared too much for me, and was going to concentrate on his marriage. I had accomplished what I wanted to do, help someone realize a marriage was worth saving. So why did I cry for days, and not go to Pogo for a long time? I still miss him. We email about once a year just to make sure he is still being good to the woman he loves. I couldn't have trusted him if he had left her anyway. We had talked about that. I still miss him, and will always have a soft spot for him as well. I sure respect him for the move that he made.

There are some great guys out there. Some who don't know how to treat a woman they love, and some who get dumped on when they do. Life doesn't seem fair sometimes. I want what I can't have. Would I appreciate it if I had it? I don't know. B'f now is nice, just an underachiever who would rather be a doormat and whine about how he gets dumped on. I hope I don't sound like that. Hmmmmmmmm. He doesn't want me going to school. He is afraid I will meet someone else who has a lot more going on than him. That could be about anyone with the way he looks at life.

Time to go. I think Pogo is back up. (down for maintenance) I have 3 days left on my pass. :)
God bless, and pray for relationships everywhere.

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