Sunday, April 10, 2005


but I can't. And I can't just lay there, waiting for the sleep to come to me. I am not patient that way. My eyes hurt I am so sleepy. Soon it will come. But I can't just lay there.

I got my paper done today. YAY! I typed up a bunch of notes for my test in hardware tomorrow too. I looked through the summer catalog to see what classes I want to take so I can discuss them with my advisor tomorrow. I just want to get it done, so I can plan the summer better. I am trying to get G in the child care lab there. I may have mentioned that. I think it would be great in that I wouldn't have to race home. We could go out to eat, or I could take him out to the lake and show him where I got poison ivy on my ass. LOL. That will stay my secret. I don't want him to know his mom was a tramp. It was ok though. I was in love. I really was. The first love. Not the first time, but the first love. We were like bunnies too. Oh how I miss it. Oh well. At least I have fond memories. "sigh". He is the one that is gone now. Such a waste. He is missed. I have a lot of fond memories of him, and not just naked. "sigh". He treated me very well for the most part. The booze really got in the way though. Life goes on.

B'f has hinted a few times about me checking out the hunky guys on campus. I know it bothers him, but I can't help that. I don't check them out. I know none of the guys on campus want me "that way". If I was outgoing and confidant I might, but I'm not, so I won't. I am a grownup and I can face that fact. I will just continue to be my charming fun-loving self.

I hope with my summer classes I can get them close together and won't have to study at home much. I want to get out and move. My ass is getting wider. I hate that. I gave up for now on the exercising and stuff, but I need to get back at it. It felt great walking through that woods yesterday. We went almost 2 miles just on that one trail. It would have been nice to have a drink when we got back, but I forgot. I haven't even been getting my daily water amount in either. Failure failure failure. I don't know why I have such a hard time sticking with stuff. Maybe if I could SEE a difference????? That would help. I felt better, and now I don't, so that should be motivation right there.

I am getting tired of whining. Tired of thinking about it and feeling guilty cos I didn't do what I intended to do. Its only hurting me (and the people that have to look at me).

I am going to bed. This is crap, and I am going to post it anyway, just cos I can. Only 4 more weeks of classes, finals included. YAY! Maybe I will feel normal for a week or two.

God Bless, and remember, fat people need love to.

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