Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The victim strikes again.

Chatting with b'f last night just set my teeth on edge. I wish I wouldn't feel guilt about dumping him so I can just do it. My son would miss him so much though.

Anyway, he said something about Monday being the 4th, and how he gets his son. He is planning on getting him at 10 am. No big deal to me. We didn't make any plans. I am sure we are included in his, but we hadn't talked about it. He hemmed and hawed around, and I asked him what he had planned, and he said he was going to try to convince me to come to his house. Why he said "convince" I haven't figured out yet. I told him all he had to do was ask. He hesitated, (this was on messenger) like he was straightening his clothes before a judge, and finally asked if I would do him the honor of coming to his town and spending the day with them. Before I had a chance to answer, he typed "pretty pretty pretty please?????" What a dumbass. I asked him if I have ever turned down and invitation to his house. He thought, and thought, and thought. "Well, no." I mentioned that if I ever did say no, it would have had to do something with the shape of my car, or bad weather was in the forecast. (snow, ice, that kind of thing. Rain wouldn't be an issue)

I don't understand why he acts like it takes such supreme effort to ask. Last year when his son was in band and had to march in parades he never invited us. I assumed it was because he was escorting his exwife to a lot of the out-of-town ones. No big deal. My son and I like parades and little festivals, but he didn't ask, and I wasn't going to invite ourselves. He said later that he didn't think I would want to come.

My take on this is that he keeps waiting for me to say no, so he can feel like the victim yet again. We went through this thing before where he kept talking about us getting married and crap, and I knew that wasn't going to happen as long as I had a sane bone in my body. I told him we needed to talk. He kept asking me on messenger what about, and I told him we would talk about it next time he came over. We ended up talking on the phone, and it wasn't the best way to set it up, and I know he was upset, but holy shit. I told him I didn't want to discuss it that way, but we needed to get a few things out in the open. He said he realized I was having a hard time talking about it, and it always is when you are dumping someone. I was pissed. I told him if I was going to dump him I would just tell him I never want to see him again. I wouldn't make plans to discuss it in person, cos thats the kind of chicken I am. He felt a lot better after we talked in person, but he was ready just to collapse under the agony of being dumped with no discussion.

Maybe its a man thing. Maybe its just a dumbass thing. I know I am not speaking very kindly of someone that I care about, but it drives me crazy. Maybe I am really just a bitch. He expects to get turned down, even though its been 3 (I say 3, he says 4 years that we have been dating) years and I haven't turned him down as far as going to his house goes. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to a gradeschooler, and he seems to prefer that.

Ok, the steam is being let off now, so maybe I can talk to him like a human being again. I sure wish I could find another expert kisser. (see previous post, its been wayyyyyyyyyyy too long)

God bless, and pray for our relationship, whatever it is.

1 comment:

Le Synge Bleu said...

oh god! not the martyr complex! its interesting how they accuse us of never being up front and saying what we mean (us as a gender) but yet they never say what they mean. why not just ask for reassurance if yuo are feeling insecure? why the big to do? it seems a lot easier and a lot more logical to be forthright and own up to and deal with your shit. we all have insecurities, but men seem to generally think they are the only ones.

wow. i am either ridiculously frustrated on your behalf or still working through risidual feelings and frustrations about the ex. my guess is its probably the latter.