Friday, July 01, 2005

A checklist...

I woke up this morning thinking of some of the qualities I would look for in a man. (IF I was looking.) Sue told me I should dump b'f if I am so unhappy, but my son needs a guy in his life, and no one else would want to go out with me. I am afraid she is going to continue pummeling me, and I should have known better than to say that out loud. I woke up thinking about qualities and features I would like to find in a man. (of course, there will probably be bits of sarcasm aimed at current b'f, pardon me for that. I need to unload) Here is a short list.

  • Someone who has at least some worthy goal and actually works toward it
  • The above goal isn't solely trying to get in my pants
  • someone who likes to tongue kiss but KNOWS HOW without the need of a bath towel
  • someone who brushes their teeth and believes in dental hygiene (said teeth can even be storebought and have to sit in a glass to get clean, as long as its DONE
  • someone who has thoughts and can express them
  • someone who doesn't agree with everything I say
  • someone who can be objective about my reports, compostions, or speeches without telling me they are all wonderful (especially if I KNOW they aren't, and need some constructive critism)
  • someone who might actually read a book from time to time.
  • someone who takes responsibility for their own choices and their life.
  • someone who is NOT waiting for the sky to fall on them.
  • someone who can discipline their children, and understand that they aren't perfect individuals and we as parents are to be role models and teachers to help them to be the best human being they can be, whether said child likes it or not.
  • someone who can plan a date without 20 questions and who isn't afraid to get me a flower from time to time. (its called "romance." Look it up.)
  • someone who has actual opinions, and can get them across effectively
  • someone who is not racist or disrespectful
  • someone who can actually hear the name "Ellen Degeneres without using the term "ellen degenerate"
  • someone who doesn't believe the hype that Rush Limbaugh is actually on loan from God.
  • someone who doesn't buy me donuts when I am trying to lose some poundage
  • someone I can respect
  • someone who can love my son, and be a good role model
  • someone who doesn't let my son do whatever he wants and get by with it if I am not around. (He is only 8. He has a lot to learn about behavior yet )
  • someone who isn't afraid to ask if I will get a sitter so just the two of us can go out.
Ok, thats the short list. I didn't get much into the weight thing, but its hard to do in a list. My friend says I am sending out the big X signals (shown with fingers like a cross) and therefore won't be approached. She said she sees me talking to guys all the time. WEll, those guys are all married or involved with someone, so I don't have to worry about what they think of me. If I flirt, its just in fun, and they know it. I would be too self conscience to flirt with someone who is actually available. They might think I meant it. That would be awful if I got rejected. Thats why I like the old value system of the males doing the pursuing and the females waiting to be pursued. A lot less chance of rejection for me. I like to safely sit in the back till someone "discovers" me. I honestly think it would be very hard to be a man and take rejection like that. In my day, (how come I feel like I am in my 70's and going to talk about walking 3 miles to school??????) The guys always did the asking.
My fat really gets in the way, which I let get in the way. I know I need to get a better me to feel better about me and life in general. When I had good relationships with men before I always strived to look the best I could look. Now I don't care. He doesn't care and doesn't require anything of me, so why should I bother? Why should I try to look nice if his teeth are a disgusting mix of browns and yellows and the breathe will knock you down if he opens his mouth?
I need to get off my fat ass and work on me, so I can be the best I can be. Maybe then I will be ready for a real relationship. My friend tells me fat girls date too. Fat girls get married too. (shudder) I don't know if I want to be that vulnerable again. B'f is safe, cos if I don't love him, he can't hurt me. So there.

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