Monday, November 15, 2004

My First Post...

Today was a day unlike many others. I got a devastating phone call from a friend that changed her life forever, and made me recall a lot of my life already. Her daughter was going to be 17 next month. She died in a car crash this morning. My friend called me and sounded calm, cool, and collected. She told me she had some bad news for me. I thought maybe her father had passed away since he's not in the best of health. I was getting my, "Well, he had a long full life, and at least he's not in any pain now." When she told me her beautiful, full of life daughter died, I was in shock. It was like I was waiting for the punchline. What the hell was she talking about???
I know the way grief sounds. My daughter was stillborn 17 years ago. I never got to hear her cry, or feel her heartbeat. I never got to even hold her. It ripped me apart then, and now my heart is breaking for my friend and her only child. She will never be a grandmother. That seems like an odd thing for me to think of on a day like this. There is so much she won't have to look forward to, and my heart grieves for her. I am remembering about my daughter as well. It all ties in together, and I am so terribly terribly sad.
Thankfully she has a good husband and a great church family. They have been very good to her spiritually and helping her through her trials she has faced. I wish we lived closer. She was my birthing coach when my son was born. She was going through a divorce and I thought it would help her get her mind off of that and on to something more time consuming, like helping take care of me. :) She has been a great friend for a long time. Since my sons father was such a waste of a human being and said he didn't know if he would be able to make it for the delivery, I had to find a coach. I had offers from friends, but I knew this friend needed this as much as I needed a coach. She was there for the sonograms, doctors appointments,and spent the night on the living room of my trailer the day before I was being induced.
I want to be there for her in this, but I am a freakin basket case over this. Right this minute I am afraid it would do more harm than good to be around her. I told her to call me any time day or night for anything. Since I am unemployed right now, I don't have to worry about going to work, just class. I can miss one or two. Life happens. She called 6 hours ago and I have been bawling my eyes out and hugging my son. I told him I will probably squeeze the puddin right out of him. He said that was fine. He's 8 and the best thing in my life. He even brought me in the kleenexes.
I plan on using the blog as a diary, and after today, I figured this would be a good way to get my feelings off my chest. Feel free to comment. They won't usually be as depressing as this one. I am going through a lot of life changes right now, and this one just came out of nowhere.
Hug your family and other loved ones tight. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Make sure they are tucked in tight, and give them a little kiss as they drift off to sleep. Don't ever let them wonder if you love them. Make sure they know. God Bless you.


Penny said...

Even if you don't have the words, cooking and baking always help. Offering the help of taking care of a couple of her daily chores (though it may be hard with limited finances or a bad wrist), even walking the family dog or watering the garden, making a meal for the family at your place to drop off at hers, to alievate the strain.. Just offering, not bombarding..

..Or, a homemade card with a favorite memory or bible verse or a thank-you for her help in times past with an offer to help in which ever way you can now..

There is always something you can do to just gently let them know that they have your support when/if they need/want.

My prayers to your friend. Thank-you for sharing, on your new blog.
(I miscarried in Feb. Can't even imagine losing the daughter that I do have in fifteen years.)

Kicknit said...

Feel free to blog away. It's a great stress reliever. I can relate to how life may go for you, my mom is a single mother going who often says she just feels like she is going through the motions. Use your son as the inspiration to move forward - it works to your benefit and his.