Sunday, October 02, 2005


We went to b'fs town yesterday for a parade and fall festival. There was nothing on at the theater we wanted to see, so G and I stopped at Walmart and got Robots. It was great. I love that movie and b'f laughed and laughed.

We were going to go play pool. I told him I would drive so we could leave from there. I have mega homework this weekend and honestly shouldn't have went ANYWHERE this weekend. My kid would have been majorly pissed though, and I need to get him out more. He is a social whore and I have no right to make him stay home all the time just because I want to. So we went. We couldn't shoot any pool (that place is closed more often than its open. I am surprised they can even stay in business.) Anyway, we opted to go to the local pizza eatery. While we were eating, G said that we have to make sure that whoever I marry has to like pizza. I just ignored it, for lack of anything better to say. I thought I would hear about it later, and I did.

We left right after dinner, and G was extremely mad at me. He wanted to leave like at midnight, but I have been drained. I know a lot of it is the stress from classes. I am exhausted most of the time right now, and the weight thing isn't going well. Somedays I feel too tired to breathe.

I messaged b'f as soon as we got home, and he was like "oh, you're home. I thought you had a big date." I said I did, with my homework book. Then after that it was going to be my next book, then it was going to be my next book. I am "booked up." He said that since G said that about whoever I marry means there is other options. There is, but not what he is thinking. He thinks its another man, but the options I see are to get married, or not. I choose NOT. I told him I don't know where we are going, but when G keeps telling me to get married, I have to tell him something, so I told him I don't know if its ever going to happen. Thats the truth. Well, actually, unless I go in a coma and he marries me while I am unconscious, I KNOW its not going to happen. I really don't want to hurt him, and I don't know if its just my mindset, but he is getting more and more pathetic. He keeps wanting me to feel sorry for him I think. If you don't like what is happening, CHANGE IT. Instead, he just keeps accepting everything, and giving up. DO SOMETHING. Even if its the wrong thing, at least it will be an effort. Don't just SIT THERE, saying poor poor me. I know we all go through that from time to time. I am the queen of that. But I am trying to change. I get off my ass and go to school every day. I wish that could be so different. I like school, but its very hard for me. I like learning better on my own pace. But at least I AM DOING IT.

Ok, I am going to get off my ass and go Gazelle. If this ass gets any bigger I may not be able to get off of it.

God Bless and DO something today.

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