Sunday, September 18, 2005


I have been feeling "unrest". When I am in front of the computer, which I used to do a lot, I am not content like I used to be. Its harder focusing for me lately than it has in a very long time. I have been working out some, so maybe thats why. Maybe my body is just telling me to get off my ass and move. It's been working for me, but its hard to do homework while I am pedaling or gazelling.

The gazelle was my new toy I mentioned before. I had to put it together which took awhile, but I had to get on it before I even got the pistons put on. I really like it. Its like a glorified treadmill with a few extra perks. Tony Little is a little annoying on the dvd, but thats ok. I feel better. I want to get my ass and thighs nice and tight. They are better already I think. My general feeling of wellness is better too. I am still having a struggle with the water and the veggies, but I love the 3 glasses of milk a day the dr. suggested. I used to drink milk all the time, but got concerned with all the fat and stuff and quit. I think that is really helping me to feel better too. My legs aren't swelling as bad as they were either, and that was even before the gazelle. I wonder if the milk could have anything to do with it?

The kid is getting in trouble at school again. I am taking him to the dr. Thursday to see if she thinks we need to increase his meds, and if she would recommend a counselor for both of us. I am not being a good parent, and I try to put the ADD thing on the back burner so it won't be a major contention. I was hoping it would go away on its own, but thats not working. I don't know how to deal with it. I have found both of us screaming at each other, and I don't want to be that kind of parent. I don't know how much of what he is going through is a normal boy thing, an ADD thing, or if I am just such a lousy parent that he has no choice but to be a butt.

I can't talk to Molly about it, as friend to a friend. If she has a hangnail, she has to go to the dr. for bloodtests. If I am upset about something, the first question she asks is if I am taking my hormones. WTF??? My son is getting in trouble and she acts like its all in my head. "he is just a kid, all boys do that. Look at mine." Hers is in his 20's, lives at home, almost went to prison. I want help before it gets to that point. I am not being effective, and have a hard time dealing with it. I alway thought if you love your kid, and discipline them when they need it that life would be great, and no problems. I love my son so much that sometimes I just want to cry with thanks to God for putting him in my life. I do the discipline things to, but now he just wants to stand there and scream at me. (which is what I do to him sometimes, so its understandable where he learned it, but not acceptable) I need to change the way I handle it.

Time to work out and get back to the homework. Classes are going well, so I want to keep that going. God Bless.

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