The parents got moved this morning. I had tried to tell them it wouldn't take long, but even I didn't expect it to go as fast as it did. I didn't go over to help, because I would have started crying and I am too damn tough for that. (Ok, maybe I'm not, but I have to keep up appearances, right????) Anyway, I went over to see how it was going and they were already gone. (It was less than 45 minutes after they arrived to help.) The church was helping them move, so I knew it would go fast. My brother and his son in law were outside having a smoke and told me I had missed the whole thing. He said there must have been 40 people or so. I know the church takes great pride in the volunteerism they have, and it shows. They have a good time when they help people move.
My brother told me I would regret the day I told them about the property. I still don't. He said today, "well, you finally got them off of your back, and now I have them back on mine." I told him I didn't want them to move, and I think he was surprised. I started tearing up, but I turned so he wouldn't see. I really enjoyed the closeness we had with them next door. I know we can go visit anytime we want, but now I won't be able to just pop over whenever I feel like it. The difference is a 30 second walkover compared to a 30 minute drive one way. I will miss them.
Dad said I could have their mailbox, so I went and took their name off of it today. :( He had put my old mailbox up for me when vandals tore up my original one. I had the best mailbox on the block till they moved in and put mine to shame. LOL. Now its mine. I would rather have the neighbors though. :(
I hope my brother can get his priorities straightened out before Dad dies. That really bothers me a lot. I don't want to have any regrets about anything. Dad knows I love him. He couldn't even look me in the eye when he said he thinks we got to know each other a lot better since they moved next door and got closer. (ok, am I NOT my fathers daughter???? Our motto: "Don't ever let them see you sweat.")
We are going to have to go to town later. They got mail today and the change doesn't take effect till Monday. I know they didn't think they would be out of here before mail ran. It gives us a chance to check out the new place. :)
God Bless.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Friday, March 17, 2006
Nothing can be simple.
For now I am showing a double post. Its not a double personality or anything. I am hoping it will disappear as I have deleted it, and went back and its still there. (yeah, I cleared my cache, checked another browser, cleared that cache, checked again, and its still showing up for me.) When I click on the link for the post, it says Not Found, right next to the double post. Geesh. I am hitting the shower. Next time someone reads this, the offending post may be gone, and you may think I need to call my therapist back soon. LOL. I am depressed, not crazy. LOL
God Bless, and have a great day.
God Bless, and have a great day.
Time sure flies when you are busy....
I can't believe its been so long since I posted. I am trying to bring my grades up, my parents are moving tomorrow, and I went to what I thought was my first therapy session last week. Turned out its still part of the paperwork. ??? Anyway, she said we should be done filling out all the forms after my next appointment. Good thing I am not suicidal. LOL. She asked me if I ever thought of hurting myself. I laughed and almost said, "I am depressed, not crazy." But instead went with the "nope. I am too busy and have too many responsibilities, and it never occured to me." I don't think I am going to mention that I used to pray every night that God would take me as I slept. He hasn't yet, and now I have a son that I don't want to be motherless. I think I must be here for a reason, I just don't know what.
To me this depression thing is a bump in the road, I am just tired of the long ass freakin bump it has become. Too many changes too fast, a kid who can't be trusted to tell me the truth, my parents moving, the need of a job, and the ending of my funding for school in September. I told the girl, (turned out she isn't a full blown therapist, she is an intern, which is fine.) that one of the things I want to do is find out how to deal with my son, his school, and his ADD. She said its about me for this hour, so concern myself with me. One thing I think she needs to learn that if its about my kid, it IS about me. How can I be content and happy if I am not sure if I am doing right by him???? What if making him slave over homework every night because he tries to get by without doing it at all isn't the right thing? (yeah, I know, it makes sense to me to teach him he can't just NOT do stuff, but I have been reading about ADD, and holy cripes. I just don't know some days.) He has had 4 days of late stay so far. He has to stay and work with the behavior specialist from school till 6 pm on those days. He was only supposed to have 3, but he snuck out and onto the bus the first day he was supposed to stay, so I took him back to school and we scheduled another night as well. Yesterday he was supposed to stay in and work during lunch, but went outside instead, so she scheduled another late stay for Monday. I told him he is only making it harder on himself by trying to get by without doing what he is supposed to do. I feel like its tough love, and I try to not let him know I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I didn't do homework when I was a kid either. Its a deep dark secret I can't admit to him. I had to spend some recesses in too, but by myself. I remember roaming around the room the whole time they were outside playing. See, they thought they were punishing me, but I didn't like going outside. LOL. The joke was on them. I still am not a big fan of the outdoors. There is so much to entertain me in the house. (Not a good thing, I know.)
Anyway, classes are still crap. I am still doing ok in math, which suprises me. Its doable, so I will just have to keep on keepin on.
Oh, I told the 12 year old intern therapist (not really, she is very sweet and seems like she knows what she is doing. Cute and perky, but not obnoxiously so. People just look so YOUNG to me these days.) that I feel bad over not feeling bad about the ex b'f. I haven't shed a tear for me, but feel bad that my son doesn't have a guy around now. Since the breakup I have been sleeping better, going to bed earlier and not getting up in the wee hours of the morning for a couple of hours and going back to bed. Its like he never existed. It sure says something to me about how much I cared over the last 3 and whatever years. (3 1/2 give or take a week or 2 I think.) I do feel bad for him and wonder if he is unemployed yet, and what he is doing about it, but I think thats just the mother in me. He can't take care of himself very well, and will probably sit in the house feeling sorry for himself and cussing me for my drinking ways and how now I probably have all these men parading through my house. LOL
Well, its time to hit the gazelle and get showered and dressed. It has to happen sometime.
God bless, and have a great day. :)
To me this depression thing is a bump in the road, I am just tired of the long ass freakin bump it has become. Too many changes too fast, a kid who can't be trusted to tell me the truth, my parents moving, the need of a job, and the ending of my funding for school in September. I told the girl, (turned out she isn't a full blown therapist, she is an intern, which is fine.) that one of the things I want to do is find out how to deal with my son, his school, and his ADD. She said its about me for this hour, so concern myself with me. One thing I think she needs to learn that if its about my kid, it IS about me. How can I be content and happy if I am not sure if I am doing right by him???? What if making him slave over homework every night because he tries to get by without doing it at all isn't the right thing? (yeah, I know, it makes sense to me to teach him he can't just NOT do stuff, but I have been reading about ADD, and holy cripes. I just don't know some days.) He has had 4 days of late stay so far. He has to stay and work with the behavior specialist from school till 6 pm on those days. He was only supposed to have 3, but he snuck out and onto the bus the first day he was supposed to stay, so I took him back to school and we scheduled another night as well. Yesterday he was supposed to stay in and work during lunch, but went outside instead, so she scheduled another late stay for Monday. I told him he is only making it harder on himself by trying to get by without doing what he is supposed to do. I feel like its tough love, and I try to not let him know I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I didn't do homework when I was a kid either. Its a deep dark secret I can't admit to him. I had to spend some recesses in too, but by myself. I remember roaming around the room the whole time they were outside playing. See, they thought they were punishing me, but I didn't like going outside. LOL. The joke was on them. I still am not a big fan of the outdoors. There is so much to entertain me in the house. (Not a good thing, I know.)
Anyway, classes are still crap. I am still doing ok in math, which suprises me. Its doable, so I will just have to keep on keepin on.
Oh, I told the 12 year old intern therapist (not really, she is very sweet and seems like she knows what she is doing. Cute and perky, but not obnoxiously so. People just look so YOUNG to me these days.) that I feel bad over not feeling bad about the ex b'f. I haven't shed a tear for me, but feel bad that my son doesn't have a guy around now. Since the breakup I have been sleeping better, going to bed earlier and not getting up in the wee hours of the morning for a couple of hours and going back to bed. Its like he never existed. It sure says something to me about how much I cared over the last 3 and whatever years. (3 1/2 give or take a week or 2 I think.) I do feel bad for him and wonder if he is unemployed yet, and what he is doing about it, but I think thats just the mother in me. He can't take care of himself very well, and will probably sit in the house feeling sorry for himself and cussing me for my drinking ways and how now I probably have all these men parading through my house. LOL
Well, its time to hit the gazelle and get showered and dressed. It has to happen sometime.
God bless, and have a great day. :)
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Which is it?
Success and failure would seem to most to be the opposite end of the spectrum. Right now they seem so close to me that I can't tell the difference. I read an article this morning asking the question if you are sabotaging your success. Ummmmmmmm, yeah. I find myself doing this. I know I have been afraid to lose weight and get in better shape for a long time. If I do, I might attract men again, and this leads to putting myself out there and possibly getting hurt again. Thats a no brainer. I am still working on the losing weight though. I am going to be job hunting soon and need to look and feel better.
I am doing poorly in school this semester. I am doing more playing games online than I am homework. I know I am sabotaging my classes. I am afraid. What if I am not good at my chosen profession? I find it confusing. Its not like I thought it would be. I knew it would be hard, and I have to get out of my comfort zone, but did I take on too much? Maybe I would have been better off sitting on my ass all day, doing telemarketing or something. Nope. I wasn't good at that either. I couldn't sell magazines to old ladies on a fixed income.
I am supposed to be doing my math now. I have class in a few hours, and it takes me 45 minutes to get there. I have been playing solitare. Then I read the article. I have to change things. I need to work harder and smarter and concentrate on my goals. All of them. I need to be doing that instead of sitting here in the middle of the morning in my nightgown eating mac and cheese when I should be showered, math done, reading on the chapter for tomorrow. I gotta go.
God Bless, and pray for all the underconfident people you know. It could be me.
I am doing poorly in school this semester. I am doing more playing games online than I am homework. I know I am sabotaging my classes. I am afraid. What if I am not good at my chosen profession? I find it confusing. Its not like I thought it would be. I knew it would be hard, and I have to get out of my comfort zone, but did I take on too much? Maybe I would have been better off sitting on my ass all day, doing telemarketing or something. Nope. I wasn't good at that either. I couldn't sell magazines to old ladies on a fixed income.
I am supposed to be doing my math now. I have class in a few hours, and it takes me 45 minutes to get there. I have been playing solitare. Then I read the article. I have to change things. I need to work harder and smarter and concentrate on my goals. All of them. I need to be doing that instead of sitting here in the middle of the morning in my nightgown eating mac and cheese when I should be showered, math done, reading on the chapter for tomorrow. I gotta go.
God Bless, and pray for all the underconfident people you know. It could be me.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Another week and a half...
and my parents are moving to the new place. I hope they like it, but we will miss them a lot. I told a few friends about the place, and one family that I told came over to take a look. They are a nice family. 5 kids, and the dad works full time and goes to school. The mom was going to school, and thats where I met her at. The dad was in one of my classes, and fixed a computer for a friend of mine. She is a stay at home mom for the time being, but plans on going back and finishing school. One of the boys has a health problem and they thought he was going to have to go to Chicago for extensive surgery, but they think a better option may have been found with less healing time and better mobility for him. And its closer to home, so thats a good thing. My parents said today that they had talked to their creditor, and the only problem was that they need a foundation underneath, so they are going to be sending some people out for estimates. I know my kid would love it if they moved next door. He wants someone in the neighborhood to play with so badly. I think it would be a good thing for all of us. I told the mom I felt bad I wasn't keeping up with them as well as I should, but explained about how school is such a pita right now. She understands. Her hubby is a dj for parties, and works full time in a factory besides. She said he graduates in May and they can't wait. I think that will be great for them. He should get a good promotion out of the deal I would think.
I am supposed to be working on homework thats due tomorrow. I hate school. I like going, but I hate homework, and I hate walking out the door feeling dumber than I did when I walked in. Today in math she asked me what I would do first to solve a problem she put on the board. My mind worked furiously for a moment wondering if I should say something smart ass, or just answer. I took the answer way out. Luckily it was an easy one, and I knew. I really hate it when I don't know. I am almost to the point where I need a tutor. I will see how the homework goes for that class after I get tomorrow over with.
Kidlet didn't have school today. He went with me. We took our newly aquired truck. Kidlet took his dvd player and was thrilled that we have a cigarette lighter that works. He didn't have to use his battery power all the way there and back. The windows even roll up and down. Even the drivers side. I am not used to that. Its refreshing. The radio really sucks though. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. Then the clock will go in and out, and you can't tell where the channel is on the radio. I finally got my favorite station programmed in today by starting at the front of the dial and going till I heard a familliar voice. Not a good thing to do when its raining mixed with snow. Oh well, its done now. :) If thats the biggest problem I have, I will count my blessings. (at least till I have to drive the whole trip with no radio. Then I will cuss it, then count my blessings.) I better get the homework done. Yeee hawww.
God bless.
I am supposed to be working on homework thats due tomorrow. I hate school. I like going, but I hate homework, and I hate walking out the door feeling dumber than I did when I walked in. Today in math she asked me what I would do first to solve a problem she put on the board. My mind worked furiously for a moment wondering if I should say something smart ass, or just answer. I took the answer way out. Luckily it was an easy one, and I knew. I really hate it when I don't know. I am almost to the point where I need a tutor. I will see how the homework goes for that class after I get tomorrow over with.
Kidlet didn't have school today. He went with me. We took our newly aquired truck. Kidlet took his dvd player and was thrilled that we have a cigarette lighter that works. He didn't have to use his battery power all the way there and back. The windows even roll up and down. Even the drivers side. I am not used to that. Its refreshing. The radio really sucks though. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. Then the clock will go in and out, and you can't tell where the channel is on the radio. I finally got my favorite station programmed in today by starting at the front of the dial and going till I heard a familliar voice. Not a good thing to do when its raining mixed with snow. Oh well, its done now. :) If thats the biggest problem I have, I will count my blessings. (at least till I have to drive the whole trip with no radio. Then I will cuss it, then count my blessings.) I better get the homework done. Yeee hawww.
God bless.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Let it go!
There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk
away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ....
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .......
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for 2006!!!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left. Think about it, and then ....
LET IT GO!!!
"The
God Bless.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Romance
I was thinking of my all time favorite song today. It's called Dancin' Shoes, and it was done by The Faith Band with Carl Storie. He is the person that wrote it. It was wide released by Nigel Olsen, who was Elton John's drummer. This was back in the 70's. I love the song. It's about finding love across a room.
We saw Carl Storie and the Faith Band in concert back in the late 70's when Peter Frampton was trying for a comeback. They were a band out of the Indianapolis area. I fell in love with the song that night. To see the author perform it with feeling was awesome. One of my friends found the album and bought it. I borrowed it about 6 months later and kept it for like a year. LOL. When she asked for it back I am sure it had a rut worn in it. I finally found the album and bought it. Then stereos with turntables got to be hard to find.
One night while surfing the net, I did a search for Carl Storie. I found his website, and the phone number for his publicist. :) I called and she told me where I could get his cd's at, since the music had been rereleased. Needless to say, I sent her the money and she got them for me and sent them. I bought his old one on cd that I used to have, and his newest release. He is solo now, but still performing in the Indianapolis area.
It's still awesome. I love the new album even better than the old one. My dream date I think would be to be swept away to Indianapolis to where he is performing and slowdancing with my dream to the song. Sigh. I think someone would really have to care to do that with me. Ex b'f wouldn't have ever thought of it, even though I mentioned where he performed at. He was too concerned about what he couldn't do than ever caring what he could do.
I don't know why I thought of the song today, but started singing it on the way home. Its been humming in my ear ever since I got here. :)
I had some bad news today. One of the guys I worked with passed away this morning. He was a dirty old man, but harmless. He was one of the sweetest people I had ever met. He wasn't quite with the program I don't think, but everyone who knew him cared about him. He took care of his mother for years till she passed away. He had diabetes real bad and used to be a heavy drinker, but had quit. He worked at the plant for a very long time, and quite a few were worried about what he would do when he got laid off. They didn't know how long he could make it, since that was all he had known. He left this earth this morning. Bless his soul. He was a kind funny man, and will be missed by many. :(
God Bless you my friend. :(
We saw Carl Storie and the Faith Band in concert back in the late 70's when Peter Frampton was trying for a comeback. They were a band out of the Indianapolis area. I fell in love with the song that night. To see the author perform it with feeling was awesome. One of my friends found the album and bought it. I borrowed it about 6 months later and kept it for like a year. LOL. When she asked for it back I am sure it had a rut worn in it. I finally found the album and bought it. Then stereos with turntables got to be hard to find.
One night while surfing the net, I did a search for Carl Storie. I found his website, and the phone number for his publicist. :) I called and she told me where I could get his cd's at, since the music had been rereleased. Needless to say, I sent her the money and she got them for me and sent them. I bought his old one on cd that I used to have, and his newest release. He is solo now, but still performing in the Indianapolis area.
It's still awesome. I love the new album even better than the old one. My dream date I think would be to be swept away to Indianapolis to where he is performing and slowdancing with my dream to the song. Sigh. I think someone would really have to care to do that with me. Ex b'f wouldn't have ever thought of it, even though I mentioned where he performed at. He was too concerned about what he couldn't do than ever caring what he could do.
I don't know why I thought of the song today, but started singing it on the way home. Its been humming in my ear ever since I got here. :)
I had some bad news today. One of the guys I worked with passed away this morning. He was a dirty old man, but harmless. He was one of the sweetest people I had ever met. He wasn't quite with the program I don't think, but everyone who knew him cared about him. He took care of his mother for years till she passed away. He had diabetes real bad and used to be a heavy drinker, but had quit. He worked at the plant for a very long time, and quite a few were worried about what he would do when he got laid off. They didn't know how long he could make it, since that was all he had known. He left this earth this morning. Bless his soul. He was a kind funny man, and will be missed by many. :(
God Bless you my friend. :(
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