Yesterday is history
and tomorrow is a mystery
but today is a gift
That's why it's called the present.
Let's all remember each day has endless possibilites for
making this world a little better by our words, acts and
priorites.
Author unknown
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Words of wisdom...
Sunday, April 09, 2006
IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!!!
Spring break. YAY! I feel better already. Its nice not to have the stress of deadlines for a little bit. I do have homework to do, and want to get as much of it done as I can, but at least it doesn't have to be done by tomorrow. Whewwwwwwwwwww.
I saw my counselor Friday. I had to write down my plan of action. Part of my plan involves better physical and mental health. I think if I get more physically fit, that my mental health will follow. I hope it works out that way. I know before when I had lost a lot of weight I felt so much better about everything. I just feel so lethargic and uncaring right now.
Me and the kid went for a walk in our local national park. I found a great trail for me to walk on. Slow and steady wins the race, so thats the one I chose. There was no one there when we got there, so that made it even better. Its only a 1/2 mile trail, so it says, but I think its longer than that. After walking it once, people started showing up, so I thought we could drive to another area of the park and walk. Well, no place compared to that one, so we went back. We took an even longer extension of it, and I was doing great. My overly energetic youngin had to run from time to time to catch up with me. I had to take breaks for him. He had to look at the bugs, trees, squirrels, etc, and I just kept on keeping on. If I break my stride too often it really wears me out, and my focus is to walk walk walk. I logged 6500 steps today, which was good. Sundays are usually spent in front of the computer doing homework all day, but with Spring break (did I mention that I don't have school for a whole week?????) I didn't have to worry about it. For my "plan" I am supposed to go walking in the park 3 times a week. She wanted me to say how long or how far I will walk, but since I am in such lousy health, I just plan on starting and then increasing as much as possible. I plan on pushing myself. After I got around the track the first time I was ready to go again, but he who won't be named had to take a break, so we drove around for 15 minutes then went back and did it again. My left leg is killing me. I need to get some new shoes. I will check into that tomorrow.
I need to get some sleep. Thats another part of my "plan" that I didn't mention to the counselor. I know I don't get enough sleep, and I really think that wears on me.
God Bless
I saw my counselor Friday. I had to write down my plan of action. Part of my plan involves better physical and mental health. I think if I get more physically fit, that my mental health will follow. I hope it works out that way. I know before when I had lost a lot of weight I felt so much better about everything. I just feel so lethargic and uncaring right now.
Me and the kid went for a walk in our local national park. I found a great trail for me to walk on. Slow and steady wins the race, so thats the one I chose. There was no one there when we got there, so that made it even better. Its only a 1/2 mile trail, so it says, but I think its longer than that. After walking it once, people started showing up, so I thought we could drive to another area of the park and walk. Well, no place compared to that one, so we went back. We took an even longer extension of it, and I was doing great. My overly energetic youngin had to run from time to time to catch up with me. I had to take breaks for him. He had to look at the bugs, trees, squirrels, etc, and I just kept on keeping on. If I break my stride too often it really wears me out, and my focus is to walk walk walk. I logged 6500 steps today, which was good. Sundays are usually spent in front of the computer doing homework all day, but with Spring break (did I mention that I don't have school for a whole week?????) I didn't have to worry about it. For my "plan" I am supposed to go walking in the park 3 times a week. She wanted me to say how long or how far I will walk, but since I am in such lousy health, I just plan on starting and then increasing as much as possible. I plan on pushing myself. After I got around the track the first time I was ready to go again, but he who won't be named had to take a break, so we drove around for 15 minutes then went back and did it again. My left leg is killing me. I need to get some new shoes. I will check into that tomorrow.
I need to get some sleep. Thats another part of my "plan" that I didn't mention to the counselor. I know I don't get enough sleep, and I really think that wears on me.
God Bless
Monday, April 03, 2006
More self analysis
I am not doing homework. I have a pretty big assignment due tomorrow. I have been playing pogo, spending time with the kid, cleaning house, cooking, and doing anything else I can do to avoid the homework. I don't know what I am doing on it, and I guess in my way of thinking I would rather be able to tell the instructor that its done so poorly because I ran out of time instead of the "I don't know what the *^%^ I am doing." I do that often subconsciously I think.
I went to see my counselor Friday. Since she is an intern she only has about 4 weeks left till she graduates. She said I never give myself enough credit. When enough people treat you like you don't matter, why should I give myself any credit? They must know, right? I think part of the problem is that I put on such a good front of taking care of myself and everything that pertains to, that no one thinks I need them, or anything else. I am tired of needing someone and no one being there.
We have spring break next week, and I am sooooo glad. They are going to pile on the homework, but at least I won't be logging as many miles. The kid gets out for part of my break, so thats extra good. I hope the carpenter won't be coming so I can sleep in. I have to get the lumber for the trim and get that polyurethaned before he can put it in. I may pick it up Wednesday, it depends on what the day brings.
I better hit the books and try to figure out what I am doing.
God Bless
I went to see my counselor Friday. Since she is an intern she only has about 4 weeks left till she graduates. She said I never give myself enough credit. When enough people treat you like you don't matter, why should I give myself any credit? They must know, right? I think part of the problem is that I put on such a good front of taking care of myself and everything that pertains to, that no one thinks I need them, or anything else. I am tired of needing someone and no one being there.
We have spring break next week, and I am sooooo glad. They are going to pile on the homework, but at least I won't be logging as many miles. The kid gets out for part of my break, so thats extra good. I hope the carpenter won't be coming so I can sleep in. I have to get the lumber for the trim and get that polyurethaned before he can put it in. I may pick it up Wednesday, it depends on what the day brings.
I better hit the books and try to figure out what I am doing.
God Bless
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
What the hell is wrong with people?????
I would like to think that people are all good at heart, sane, compassionate people. I know the world isn’t that way, but what a wonderful place that would be. I think its called Heaven.
I am about to give up listening to news altogether. I listen to a popular
Anyway, that’s not the main reason I am thinking about taking a break from news. Today I heard two very disturbing stories. The first one was about a man who was supposed to be tucking his daughter in while the mom was downstairs, and the little boy was asleep. Apparently he strangled the little 8 year old, shoved her head in the toilet to drown her, and when they found her poor little body she also had a knife sticking out of her neck. It’s hard to drive to school when you are openly weeping. What horrible thoughts were going through her mind? The person who is supposed to love and protect her was strangling her. The person who is in charge of protecting her from people like that was sticking her head in the toilet. On the way home they were discussing it again, and someone stated they thought he was doing something to her and she threatened to tell her mom or at least someone. That could be very possible. What kind of animal would murder his child, and that way???? Is there any hope for the world with people like that in it???
On the way home, I heard another story. Some youths were taunting a homeless man. He mooned them, and they proceeded to beat and stab him till he died. What the hell????? I don’t understand people. If you aren’t going to show compassion to people, then LEAVE THEM THE HELL ALONE!!!! What is so hard to comprehend??? I don’t get it.
God Bless, and please pray for humanity. I am so very sad. :(
Sunday, March 26, 2006
I'm caught up!
I got the homework done, and all turned in. My online classwork is due at 11:59 pm on Sunday night. I have 3 activities, a message board to post on, and a quiz to take. Last week, I turned in two activities, took the quiz, was relieved that I got a good grade on it, and went in to finish watching a movie with the kid. At 12:01 (no joke) I was laying there feeling like I was forgetting something. Then it hit me. I didn't turn in the last activity. That was 25 points I blew. I ran in here, booted up, got online, got to the site, and it wouldn't let me post. The system had already shutdown for the dump. Crap. I composed an email to the instructor, told her I realized it was late and woudn't be counted, but if she could still grade it so I knew how I did I would appreciate it. I explained how it was my fault, and I was just so happy to get a decent grade on the quiz that I forgot. She didn't mention it when she graded it, and then I saw that she had posted the grade, so that meant that she counted it. HURRAY! She knows I am honest I think, from a question I posed to her earlier asking about a website she wanted us to use. She said I was the only one concerned about copying from the site and by my asking it showed her my honesty. Also, since it was a Word document, I imagine she checked the revision date and time to see when it was completed. Whew. I am glad I didn't feel the need to make any changes before I finally submitted it. So far I am getting a B out of that class.
No homework for math, so I don't have anything due till Tuesday. I am going to work on that tomorrow so maybe I won't be finishing it up just before class. I hate when that happens.
I had my 2nd session with the intern Friday. We still aren't even done with the paperwork, but she said next week it should be done. She asked more questions, and I gave her honest answers. She asked about sexual abuse when I was younger. I told her I didn't think it was abuse, just exploration among children, only I was the only one that didn't know it was wrong. My parents were the kind who thought if we didn't know anything about it, that it couldn't affect us. If I would have had a clue it was wrong, it wouldn't have happened at all. I was the youngest in the bunch, and when there are 3 people acting like it was nothing unusual, except you weren't allowed to tell anybody, it took a while for me to realize. When I questioned it, it stopped. Except for that once, but that got stopped before it started. Long story, maybe for another time. Maybe not.
I told her about my friend who had been sexually abused when she was younger. She turned out quite different than I did. She blamed herself. Hers was an adult that abused her, and in my way of thinking, adults know whats right or wrong, and they should have more control. I still can't understand why she would blame herself. She didn't come onto him. I hear that about abuse victims blaming themselves all the time, and I don't get it. The intern said that I had even made the statement that my parents wouldn't have believed me if I told them. I agreed, but said too that it never happened again. I put a stop to it. Then she goes into how I am a strong person, and not everybody is. I told her I sure don't feel like a strong person. I guess I am. I see women who couldn't find their way out of a paperbag with a map, and it amazes me that they can function in daily life. I think some men like that because they feel that they are needed. I need someone too, but someone stronger than me. I can't feel safe with someone if I have to do all the thinking and the saving. I can't act like the helpless female, it gets boring. Besides, what if no one wants to help me? Hmmmmmmm, that is probably the real problem. I am strong because I have had to be, not because I want to. I am afraid to depend on anyone too much because there is a good chance they won't be there.
On a happier note, (time to switch gears here) I am officially old. That doesn't sound happier, but on this occasion, I will admit it. I have been listening to Uncle Kracker, whom I adore, and then we were listening to our movie soundtracks. (Scooby Doo, Robots, Shrek, Shark Tale, etc.) These are the only "newer" songs I can really get into. Today while I was working on homework, I decided no dancing music, time to sit on the bottom and get the work done. I started playing my "oldies" playlist and got into Mama's and Papa's greatest hits. I know all the words, and was having a great time. That is music. It brings back memories. I was barely in high school when I had a big giant crush on this kid who sat next to me in sociology class. I never paid attention in class, but doodled a lot. I remember writing California Dreamin with assorted hearts, doodles, etc over and over again. That night they played it on the local radio station and I just knew he had called it in for me. Well, maybe not, but I couldn't believe it was just a coincidence. I wonder if he is single? He lives less than 15 miles from me. (wink wink)
I finished reading the whole journal to date of the fat man walking website. He has sure came a long way. I was sorry to read about his marriage ending though. I hate that two people can't work out their differences when there are kids involved. It sounds like its amicable though, so thats better than not. I wish him well on the rest of his journey.
I had better get to bed. Things to do, places to go, people to see.
God Bless.
No homework for math, so I don't have anything due till Tuesday. I am going to work on that tomorrow so maybe I won't be finishing it up just before class. I hate when that happens.
I had my 2nd session with the intern Friday. We still aren't even done with the paperwork, but she said next week it should be done. She asked more questions, and I gave her honest answers. She asked about sexual abuse when I was younger. I told her I didn't think it was abuse, just exploration among children, only I was the only one that didn't know it was wrong. My parents were the kind who thought if we didn't know anything about it, that it couldn't affect us. If I would have had a clue it was wrong, it wouldn't have happened at all. I was the youngest in the bunch, and when there are 3 people acting like it was nothing unusual, except you weren't allowed to tell anybody, it took a while for me to realize. When I questioned it, it stopped. Except for that once, but that got stopped before it started. Long story, maybe for another time. Maybe not.
I told her about my friend who had been sexually abused when she was younger. She turned out quite different than I did. She blamed herself. Hers was an adult that abused her, and in my way of thinking, adults know whats right or wrong, and they should have more control. I still can't understand why she would blame herself. She didn't come onto him. I hear that about abuse victims blaming themselves all the time, and I don't get it. The intern said that I had even made the statement that my parents wouldn't have believed me if I told them. I agreed, but said too that it never happened again. I put a stop to it. Then she goes into how I am a strong person, and not everybody is. I told her I sure don't feel like a strong person. I guess I am. I see women who couldn't find their way out of a paperbag with a map, and it amazes me that they can function in daily life. I think some men like that because they feel that they are needed. I need someone too, but someone stronger than me. I can't feel safe with someone if I have to do all the thinking and the saving. I can't act like the helpless female, it gets boring. Besides, what if no one wants to help me? Hmmmmmmm, that is probably the real problem. I am strong because I have had to be, not because I want to. I am afraid to depend on anyone too much because there is a good chance they won't be there.
On a happier note, (time to switch gears here) I am officially old. That doesn't sound happier, but on this occasion, I will admit it. I have been listening to Uncle Kracker, whom I adore, and then we were listening to our movie soundtracks. (Scooby Doo, Robots, Shrek, Shark Tale, etc.) These are the only "newer" songs I can really get into. Today while I was working on homework, I decided no dancing music, time to sit on the bottom and get the work done. I started playing my "oldies" playlist and got into Mama's and Papa's greatest hits. I know all the words, and was having a great time. That is music. It brings back memories. I was barely in high school when I had a big giant crush on this kid who sat next to me in sociology class. I never paid attention in class, but doodled a lot. I remember writing California Dreamin with assorted hearts, doodles, etc over and over again. That night they played it on the local radio station and I just knew he had called it in for me. Well, maybe not, but I couldn't believe it was just a coincidence. I wonder if he is single? He lives less than 15 miles from me. (wink wink)
I finished reading the whole journal to date of the fat man walking website. He has sure came a long way. I was sorry to read about his marriage ending though. I hate that two people can't work out their differences when there are kids involved. It sounds like its amicable though, so thats better than not. I wish him well on the rest of his journey.
I had better get to bed. Things to do, places to go, people to see.
God Bless.
FatManWalking
I heard about this site on The Daily Buzz Friday morning. I sat here yesterday morning and read as much as I dared, time wise, and am doing the same thing today. Its amazing what this man is going through. More than a few things he has said on his site have spoken to me. This quote keeps running through my brain:
I am over halfway through the journal postings, and have to stop soon to do the Sunday homework, but had to share. This guy is an inspiration for me, thats for sure.
God Bless, and I hope you enjoy the site. :)
I have been battling my food addictions all along this journey and some days are better than others, but it is stress that can turn a successful couple of days into lost time with as little as a day of indulgence. Oddly, I do not particularly enjoy food and don’t overeat to treat myself. I subconsciously want to eat to relieve stress and sometimes that desire can lead to almost epic internal conflict that demoralizes me even more than the overeating does.
This loss of control and my inability to force myself to do the right thing is hard to face and again leads to more stress. The whole cyclic dynamic of binge eating is a self perpetuating mechanism that can only be stopped through introspection and understanding of the root causes. But introspection and loss of control are two things that mix like gas and fire in the soul of a troubled person, and this seems to be a paradox of human frailty and the desire for instant gratification.
Of course I am looking for some answers in my own life but I cannot avoid the philosophical implications of my discoveries along the way. This is true for me in every aspect of my life. It is not well enough to know that a thing exists I feel a powerful urge to understand why it exists. Unfortunately, I think that this makes it harder to feel that you have achieved any success because you know that for every bit of growth there is an infinite amount left. In fact the more I learn about myself the more I realize that I have been living in an illusion posing as reality. This may seem grandiose to you but if you really think about what we have to accept to get through our days you will so see that this self-delusion is not that difficult.
I am over halfway through the journal postings, and have to stop soon to do the Sunday homework, but had to share. This guy is an inspiration for me, thats for sure.
God Bless, and I hope you enjoy the site. :)
Sunday, March 19, 2006
What breakfast cereal are you?
| Grape Nuts You scored 77 Kindness, 85 Intelligence, 83 Style, and 53 Humor! |
Crunchy, healthy, and a burst of wholesome goodness. You clearly know this already. Work on boosting your style, and hit the books, and who knows what your breakfast futures may hold. |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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