I'm getting comments, so I get to respond. YAY! Thanks Bettejo for giving me fodder for another post. :)
I just changed my profile to say "A single mom".... instead of "just a single mom".... (the last . is really a period. LOL) It was pointed out to me that it sounds negative. When I first started this blog, I didn't know what to put there. I am just a single mom, not some political pundit, not some major journalist, or even a journalist wannabe. I knew my blog would deal with being a mom, being single, being frustrated, etc. I figured I would weed out the ones who expected more. I hate to disappoint, so I figure they know right off what my blog is going to be about. I think it sounds negative, because most of the time I feel negative. I have been depressed for so long, I don't even think about it anymore. When my friends whine and carry on about the horrible things they are going through, I listen, give sympathy, but don't let them know how I really feel. The horrible things they usually talk about is that their boss is a jerk, so they had a bad day, or they ran out of gas in the lawn mower and had to go to town and it messed up their whole schedule. Boo freakin hoo. No one died, no one got hurt. I listen, because I know how important it is to have someone listen to you. I console well, when I have the patience and its not something totally stupid. I never say things like "its no big deal", I say things like "they were probably having a bad day. Maybe after they get some rest, and YOU get some rest, tomorrow may be a totally better day."
Terrible things happen to good people. Thats a fact. I am a good person. I have had bad things happen to me. No one really wants to hear about it. I don't think I have had " closure" over a lot of things in my past that still affect me. Therefore, anything good that happens you can lose in a heartbeat. That's always my fear. Some days when my son gets on the school bus, I am always afraid I will never see him again. You just never know.
I have had a lot of negativity in my life. I was never "picked" last on a team in school. I was the only one left. I was always the fattest kid in school. My family was one of the poorest in town, and it seemed like everyone knew it. When my mom passed away when I was 10, I felt like an orphan, since she was the only parent I could talk to.
Even today. I signed up with an online dating thing last night, just to see. I got about 10 matches, so I read the profiles, but didn't decide to contact anyone, but see what happened. I made sure my picture was viewable before any contact was made. They recommend you show photos after contact, but I thought they should see what they are dealing with before that. I am fat. (or phat. LOL) I know there are a lot of fat haters out there. I don't want to deal with that as well, so I let them see the photo. When I woke up this morning, I had 4 "close contact" notices. I read the reasons, and one was "rather not say", others said things like "would rather keep looking", etc. There was one who asked me some questions, but if I want to answer him I have to pay up. Its $60 for one month, or $110 for 3 months. Well, with no income, I am afraid to take a chance risking the money. If I had a job, I would probably go the 3 month option, just to give it more time. The guy that asked the questions is 59, and I don't know how he would deal with a 10 year old anyway. I am torn. I will have to think on it for a bit.
Anyway, thats a taste of why I get negative. I try to put all my negativity here, so I don't expose my friends and family to it. It pours out of me, and lets me vent, then I go on about my day.
I edited my profile, and took out "just". Being a mom is the best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes being single is better than the alternative. ;)
Thanks for the concern. I try to be more positive in my daily life. Like my profile mentions, I do this so I don't alienate my friends. They don't want to hear it.