Monday, January 09, 2006

Getting caught up and tying up some loose ends....

I haven't been around much. This used to be so cathartic for me, but now I just try not to think about anything. I signed up at Pogo and play for hours and hours. That is going to come to a screeching halt as new classes start Tuesday. I am trying to have a positive outlook about the whole thing. I'm real gunshy at this point. I was so exhausted emotionally and mentally after finals, I wanted to stay in a haze. I never thought it would affect me that way, but I was actually having nightmares about them after they were OVER! I remember in the nightmare I was sitting in class and the instructor hands us back our scantrons and mine was filled with little pink marks all down the side. I missed 99 out of 100 questions. Actually, I got 2 right, but the machine counted one wrong TWICE because of an erasure mark, and then I also marked the wrong answer on the same line. I was really upset when I woke up, even though it didn't happen, it sure felt like it and I was zombied out for a while over that. Sometimes I wish I still smoke, drink, do illegal substances to escape. Not a good thing for a single mom though. Since I am the only parent, it wouldn't be good to be absentee at that too. My son has to have someone he can depend on.

We had a good Christmas. B'fs son even complimented me on dinner. I was shocked and grateful. I thanked him graciously for the compliment. I made a turkey with all the extras. It turned out well. My son loved his presents, and I loved mine. All went great.

I got my son Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp for Christmas. I was gazelling the other day and found out that the extra cd with the songs from the movie last exactly 10 minutes and 2 seconds. Its real bouncy and great for gazelling. I backslid on it for awhile, but have been getting back at it. I am feeling crappier than crap and know I have put on a lot of chunk. I have been cooking, and thats a good thing in some respects, but not for this body of mine. I have noticed certain foods I eat make me feel worse, all bloaty and stuff. I have noticed that happens when I eat saltines. I am not sure if its them or the tomato soup. I LOVE Campbell's tomato soup, with milk and saltines. I think I am going to have to delete it from my diet. :(

B'f got some bad news the other day. He didn't tell me, but he has been having trouble with his eye since around Christmas. Its his bad eye, but he said it got really bad. He finally went to the dr. Friday. He has a detached retina, and is going on a 3 hour trip tomorrow to a dr. who is going to do surgery on his eye Tuesday. I can't go. Nor, do I want to. (I am such a bitch) I assumed he would spend the night since its such a journey, but he is planning on traveling 6 hours tomorrow and 6 hours again on Tuesday. I told him I can't get any money to him tonight, but if they decide to get a motel room, I will pay for it. His nephew is driving him, and his sister might go too, I don't know. I wish I could be there, but not with classes on Tuesday. I have class from 9 am till 2:40 pm, and I sure don't want to miss the first day. I hope and pray everything will be ok. It could be great when its done, or useless. I know having no insurance is a big problem for him too. I hope he can apply for aid this time. He lost all his overtime at work, the hospital is garnishing his wages from before, and his job may be in jeopardy. Another company was looking at it a few weeks ago, and if they buy they plan on having it done by February last he heard. They have their own bookeeping personnel, and said they will be keeping 90% of the current employees, so he may be out the door. Its a shame, for many reasons, but this new company does have insurance, 401K plans, etc. I hope it all works out for the best.

Time for bed. Actually, it was time for bed hours ago. Maybe now I can sleep.

God bless.

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