Sunday, June 24, 2007

I'm back!

I almost missed a whole month again. I wish I could say things have been happening so fast and I haven't had time, but sadly, thats not so. I am bored out of my mind, and don't feel like writing.

The diet is going well. Altogether I am down 41 lbs as of this morning. Its coming off slow and steady, but I was always told that wins the race, so thats fine with me. Its a lot better than going UP which is what it was always doing before. It seems odd that I can lose weight while having bacon and eggs for breakfast, steak, etc, but it really works. I feel good, and I'm not hungry. Well, not often. So, hurray for Dr. Atkins, may he rest in peace. He did this world a favor, at least this fat girl. (My son says I am PHAT, how cute is that???)

The job is not going so well. I had applied for a job, tested, had an interview that went great. I waited for a phone call that never came. They said if I get the job, they call, if not, I get an email. I didn't get either. I kept checking my junk mail filter, and nada. They were hiring for 8 positions and had a ton of applications. I am hoping I was at least 9th on the list of 8, so maybe they will notify me if someone doesn't show up for the mandatory training next week. I have to keep the hope. They had great insurance, flex time, advancement, etc. It sounds like a good deal. But here I sit. I haven't even applied anywhere else since then. Every day that goes by, my confidence goes down. I am sure a lot of it has to do with the semi-isolation I have myself in.

I went through graduation ceremonies. It was actually great. Being back on campus got the blood pumping through my veins again. I really miss it, and wish I had the funds to go back. That should be motivation to get a job, right? That, and paying for things like water, heat, electricity. I am using the last of my savings. I didn't want to do that. Anyway, on campus I could feel my confidence come back. The speeches were really great. I don't know how many people there were in my class, but they were very efficient getting us moved through. It was a flat 2 hours and we were out of there. My son sat with my friends husband and afterward we had went to the reception but it was very crowded. We had a little get-together earlier and I still had the cooler of pop in the truck, so the 4 of us sat out in the parking lot drinking Diet Squirt and Diet Coke. LOL I am such a wild woman! LOL

I missed a social opportunity last night, and today I regret it. I got a phone call earlier this week asking if I was going to my high school reunion. I had forgotten about it. My best friend from school didn't want to go, so I wasn't considering it. Then one of the guys I had seen around from school called. One of our old old friends (I remember her from 6th grade, and can't remember when she moved away) was coming from California for it, and they wanted me to go and sit with them. I hated school. I was poor white trash, and I hated it. Everyone new we were poor. My mom had died when I was 10, and home life was awful. Dad couldn't handle it, and remarried quickly. There was so much crap going on at home with new family and dealing with everything. Then school sucked on top of that. I had no one to talk to about it, except my best friend. (who was the one that didn't want to go to the reunion.) I don't know what had happened to her, but after summer break in the 7th grade, she said she didn't want to be my friend anymore. She wouldn't sit with me on the bus, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't even pass notes with me. I never did find out what she was going through. She asked me awhile back what had happened, and I told her I never knew. It must have been something big, because her brother can't remember either, and he is having a hard time. I can only speculate, and I'm not going to do that. I had to tell her that she just dropped me and had no contact, so I never knew what had happened. She has really blocked it out. (We have been friends now for a very long time. She is the one that lost her daughter in a car accident and the reason I started blogging.) Anyway, my mom passed when I was in the 5th grade, and I lost my best friend in the 7th grade. The rest was pretty much a blur. I know I kept my head down all the time, and didn't like people looking at me. I remember a couple of the girls in one of my grade school classes. They were awful. They thought they were so much better than me. They almost had me convinced. When I would bring cookies from home for the class, they wouldn't eat them because they said they were dirty. I cried myself to sleep a lot back then. So,no, going to the class reunion wasn't something I was interested in. It wasn't fond memories for me. I wish now I would have gone, just to see the guy and his wife, and my old friend from California, and her husband. Thats another thing. They are paired, and I'm not. I would have liked to get together with them outside of the reunion, but they didn't mention it, so I didn't either. I am such a social flop. Life goes on.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day. I am feeling better getting rid of this weight. My house is cleaner. I am going to one website to help with the weight ( and another place to help get my home in order. ( They both have been very helpful. Flylady lets me know that it doesn't have to be perfect, and routines make all the difference. I even got rid of some stuff in a rummage sale. LOL. The house is sighing in relief. I know that me keeping a lot of stuff is just insecurity. I am afraid to throw any receipts away, etc., but am getting better.

Please keep praying about the job thing. I have to get my confidence back. I am a great employee, and I keep forgetting that. Take care, and God Bless.

1 comment:

BetteJo said...

Ran across your blog, think I may read for a while. :) I just turned 48, I'm a single Mom and I'm on a diet. Hmmmm. Don't worry - you're not the only one!

Hang in there!