Another emotional day. My daughter would have been 34 today. There is no way I can ever forget. I don't think I would want to. I just don't need reminded. My bff is a firm believer in acknowledging this. She lost her daughter, and grieves differently than me. I don't like being reminded. She feels it's her duty to let me know my daughter isn't forgotten. Every year she calls me, texts me, sends me a card and a gift for my daughters birthday. Posts on fb that she's praying for me. She thinks she is honoring my daughter, but it makes me miserable. I would rather be able to pretend to the world that I'm ok. Really.
After my last post, she contacted me. (she doesn't know about my blog.) She asked me how I was. I told her it had been an emotional day. I told her about the movie, about our classmate passing away, but not about me feeling alone and pretty hopeless about ever meeting that special someone to share my life with. She said she understood, after all, it is September. I hadn't even thought that far ahead. Thanks for the reminder. :( I have told her in the past I wish she wouldn't do that, but she thinks she is helping me. It's not. I tried to tell her a long time ago it's not helping me at all, but she is doing it to honor my daughter. So every year I can't just mourn for my child lost alone, it has to have even more reminders I don't need or want. But my bff is my bff, and I don't know what I would do without her. We have been through a ton of stuff together and I love her dearly. She thinks she is helping, and I can't tell her again not to.
So, that's where I'm at today. Missing my daughter I never got to hold. Once I get over this crying jag, it will probably be another year before I cry again. I'm staying away from sad movies. Give me a good old comedy any day.
God Bless. Please try to listen to someone's heart, not just their words. Sometimes caring hurts more than helps.
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