Monday, November 07, 2005

My Dad

My dad is going under the knife in one hour and 15 minutes. He is getting a pacemaker put in. I am always leery about surgery, more so than other people I think. Everyone says its just routine now, and he only has to stay 24 hours. The only reason he has to stay that long is because he is on blood thinners and they are concerned about him bleeding. I hope he makes it through, and I hope it helps a lot with all of his health problems. He is tired of the fight, and he has fought. I have torn feelings. I hope and pray he makes it ok, but if he does, he is still going to have a fight on his hands. They found a bunch of nodes in his lungs, and they aren’t going to deal with that till this is “fixed.” I don’t want him to die, but I understand if he does. I’m glad we got things straightened out between us. My dad is still hard headed and stubborn, but we got past our problems with each other. It took an apology from him to clinch it for me. He was raised by an older father who didn’t know how to be a dad. He didn’t have a role model in that respect, so he did the best he could.

I called my brother yesterday to let him know about the surgery, and he is very bitter still. He feels like he and his family are picked on all the time. They aren’t picked on because they are never around. He blames dad, and dad blames them. My brother keeps talking about my niece’s heart is broke because they don’t love her. They love her a bunch, but when she is around she doesn’t talk, even when they try to engage her. She isn’t stuck up, she is basically quiet, and they don’t know how to relate to her. I, of course, blame my sister-in-law, as she started separating from the family as soon as they were married. “They” had their own family, things had changed, and they didn’t have time for us. That’s what she told me about a month after the wedding. Of course, her side of the family is so different and precious. My brother said he hated to lose me and my sister, but he had to get away from dad. Dad isn’t a bad person, he was just uneducated on the art of being a parent. He let my stepmother make too many of the decisions after my mom died, and that didn’t help any. He was in way over his head.

We have all went through our phase with dad, and not wanting to have anything to do with him. I think the only difference is, I wrote him a letter and let him know exactly how I felt. He thought I couldn’t raise a child on my own. I have since bought a house, work my ass off, and my son is now 9. I think I have done ok. My stepsister told me that he brags on me, and coming from him, that makes me feel great. He was my biggest doubter. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I would have given my son away, which is what he suggested. I had told him in the letter that I had mom long enough to know what a loving family was, and me and my son were going to be fine. I brought up a lot of issues, and how I thought he had handled them wrong. I actually got a handwritten letter from him apologizing for everything and how he didn’t know what to do. He told me how I was so strong and so much like my mother, and how much he loved her and missed her still. (that was 26 years after she had passed away.)

I am glad I did that. It got things put behind us, so we could move forward. When the property behind me went up for auction, I told them, and they now live next door. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even though their dog is spoiled more than we ever were, its nice to be able to walk over and see how they are doing. Please say a prayer, for God’s will to be done, and peace for my brother, his family, and my sister, no matter what happens.

God Bless.

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