Well, crap

 Geesh. I guess lately I only write when I'm in the feels. 

I was just telling my cat it's one of those days. She was cradled in my arms purring. When she sees me start to crochet she has to let me know she is a priority and climbs on me and settles in my arms till the thought of crocheting goes away. I love her for that. This cat was one that I had a hard time with at first because she never wanted petted or touched. She was a new kitten when I got her, and she just wasn't social. My other cat was the affectionate one, and now it's reversed. The older cat is 10 this year. The younger one is maybe 4 or 5? 

I just woke up feeling extra lonely today. I will be ready for winter to be over. Even if I don't leave the house I want fresh air wafting through the windows. I want to sit out on my porch with a good book and listen to the birds. I actually want to mow my yard. I may have found some walking buddies in town when the weather gets nice, so I'm ready. 

The closest JoAnn's to me is closing. I'm sad to see them liquidate, but I really didn't shop their that much. When I did it was only when they had great sales, or it was something I really needed. I like Hobby Lobby better for yarn, but since they are only in the bigger cities it's usually not worth the drive and dealing with the traffic. JoAnns is also a good excuse to see my son and wife. :) I feel guilty sometimes when I stop over because he's been working a lot of hours, but I miss my kid. I know he's not a kid anymore, but he will always be my baby. I'm so proud of the man he has become. Hard worker, smart, and likes to learn stuff. He's a good human, and I couldn't love and respect him any more than I already do. I'm so glad he found someone to share his life with. She's good to him and for him, and I love her all the more for that.  

So, I did a thing. I sent a Christmas card to my high school crush. I didn't tell him I had a crush since Jr. High, I just thanked him for being nice to me in school, and that I always thought fondly of him. I gave him all my contact information, and told him how I got his address. 

Valentines day has come and gone, and crickets. I was kind of expecting that. He was pretty shy in school, all those many years ago. My inside information said he was single, and not doing well physically. I thought maybe he would send a note or something, but nothing. My friend who gave me his address was more upset I didn't hear back. I told her it took me 50 years to say something, so I wasn't expecting a fast reply. I pray for his health and peace of mind daily, as I do my family and friends. 

I try to get out of the house at least once a week. The weather lately has been crap, and today is no exception. Another day at home. At least (weather permitting) I'm going out for a haircut Tuesday. I think it's supposed to be below zero that day, which I'm NOT looking forward to, but it will be good to get out of here. I think I've been home for 6 days. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a desert island. The bad thing is, if I get invited out or make plans I can often find a good excuse not to. I'm trying to do better, but I'm content not getting out 95% of the time. It's when that 5% kicks in that gets me. I'm not bored, I have plenty of things to do to keep me entertained. I've barely been reading lately, like I did last year. I'm working on my 3rd baby blanket for this year. (my goal is 7 by November for a charity thing, so that's on track.) I haven't even made birthday cards for this month. Oh Spring, wherefore art thou?????

Well, that's it for today. God bless you my friend. Thanks for listening. It's time to pull up my big girl panties and get on with my day. Journaling really does help.