Grief

I don't handle grief well. I've had a lot of loss in my life. 

I got a message this morning that said "Sorry for your loss. I know you two were friends." 

I had to go through fb to see what was going on. My friend passed away a few days ago. We used to be really tight, but her health had been deteriorating for years. She had numerous autoimmune diseases, and got to the point a few years ago where she couldn't leave the house without someone with her. 

I met her when we worked together. She was what I wasn't. Strong, didn't take crap from anyone, and you never had to wonder what she was thinking. I've been told I'm strong, but they don't see me when I would go home and weep. 

We had a lot of laughs, went shopping together, we just had a lot of good times. We really complemented each other. She helped me to face some things I didn't think I could, and I would bring her down to earth when she got worked up over things that she shouldn't be. 

She eventually quit and got another job that was better for her health. She lasted there a year before she had to quit. We used to meet for breakfast after I would get off work, and picked up like there was no time lapse. 

One day when we were supposed to meet,she messaged me and said she couldn't. Her mom was taking her to the hospital. She got through that. Then the next time we talked about it, she said she would have to see because she wasn't able to be out on her own. I never saw her again. 

I would send her Christmas presents, birthday cards, notes, etc, but I never saw her again. She acknowledged every time I reached out. I know people that knew her, and said when they saw her out they knew she couldn't last much longer. 

She didn't feel comfortable having people to her house. They had moved her bedroom into the living room while we were still working together. She liked everything a certain way, and was so upset when it came to that. 

As I get older, I feel I deal with grief better. Well, I thought so. I just need to get it out and let it lay where it may. I take comfort in knowing she isn't in pain, doesn't have to be escorted about, and can leave the "damn cane" alone. 

Fly high my friend. See you on the other side. Give my family hugs from me. God Bless.

Keto and God

Good morning. I'm on target reading the New Testament daily. I'm actually studying it. When I try to read the Bible in a year, it's more of a race than actually studying it, so this year I decided to concentrate on the New Testment. I'm in Matthew where they talk about the parables of the seeds growing on the poor soil, rock, in thorns,and good soil. I think I fall in the thorns. I let too much other stuff choke me out. I was comparing this to some of the Keto facebook groups I belong to. There are groups that are dirty keto (as long as it fits in your macros, you can eat whatever garbage you want.) Not effective keto if you are trying to get/stay healthy. (My opinion, I'm not the Keto Police, but... well, maybe I am, but it's not my job. People can do what they want, but I think that attitude has new people perplexed when they can't figure out why it's not working for them.) To me that is the poor soil. You don't learn enough of the best tools to help you progress the way you desire. so it quickly fades out. Growing on the rock, you know just enough to get started, but after a temptation you cave, and shove a peice of cake in your face, so what you have accomplished is quickly sqashed. In the thorns, People who have been keto quite awhile can often dilute the process for new people. They give them advice and information that they go by, but for a new person who isn't ready to experiment with that works for them or not often takes the advice and fails. The good soil... you find the best method for learning. Abide by the rules to the best of your ability, and learn what works for you. Every person is different, so learning styles are different. You can thrive with making educated decisions and learning the best way that works for you. This is a win! I eat Keto, and done properly it's amazing. Now if I can just stay in the good soil, all will be well. Thats my TED talk for today. God Bless ;)

Faith.

Awww my friend. Time to reconnect again. This is one of the places I turn when I have a lot on my mind. Here goes.... I am a Christian. I've read the Bible through twice. The 2nd time was 2021. I skipped last year. This year I'm only doing a daily reading of the New Testament. The Old Testament doesn't always sit well with me. Different times. I need more explanation for me than I could find. So here I am in Matthew. Jesus is healing people who have faith that He is the son of God. I believe. While reading and praying today, I told Jesus that if he did today what he did then, I would think he was a charlatan. There are so many things I see today that I can't trust hardly anyone except my inner circle, which is small. People starting Go Fund Mes to deal with costs of dealing with their cancer, who aren't sick, people reporting "news" that has been edited so you don't get the correct story, etc. The list goes on and on, and it's hard for me to believe anything anymore. I DO believe Jesus is the son of God. To be honest, sometimes I have doubt, but I always come back to the same belief. Oh ye of little faith. I'm at the point in Matthew where he is healing people with faith. I have asked for healing many times for physical healing. Is it because I don't have enough faith? Or, could it be like Paul's answer? The Thorn in the Flesh 2Co 12:7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure 2Co 12:8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 2Co 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. I'm no Paul, not even in the running. But maybe I'm the way I am so I have to live by faith. I have often felt that I'm not worthy to be healed, but maybe it's one of my life lessons. IDK.