Counting down

Well, trying not too. That means the safety of school will be over, and I have to get back to the real world. I want to cuddle under the blankies and sleep through the process of me getting a job, and just wake up when I am established again.

One of my instructors realized he put 2 different due dates on our paper that was due, so he moved it to the second date. YAY! That gives me an extra 5 days, so we are going back to the microfilm at the library today. That is addicting, and I think I could spend hours down there. One of my other instructors had posted that there were two assignments due Monday, but (thank God!) there turned out to be only one. She dropped an assignment and turned it into extra credit, so I am going to try to get that done as well. Its not due till the day before Thanksgiving, so thats a great thing. I might actually get it done.

The meeting on Thursday went "ok." The new school psychologist was my instructor for algebra before I started going to school full time. I'm not sure if its a good thing, or a bad thing. She knows her math, thats for sure. But I think if we were left in a room together for too long, it wouldn't be pretty. Nothing specific, just a feeling I have. I had that feeling when she was my instructor, not just because she is holding part of my sons future in her hands. She made the comment that his fine motor skills were awful (at least thats the word I, as a mother, heard) but yet he can put model cars together. He can write nicely when he wants to, but he is so busy trying to beat everyone else at all costs, it doesn't matter the spelling or whether anyone can read it or not. He drives me crazy that way. He gets "done" so he can move on to the next thing he wants to do. He tries getting the crappy school stuff (that doesn't matter anyway, in his mind) out of the way so he can do what he wants. By doing that, he loses more time to be able to do what he wants as he sits in the deans office. He will have Saturday school again a week from today. It drives me BATS!

Anyway, I thought I would just check in, whine a little, and then get on with my day. Its almost lunch time and I haven't gotten dressed yet. Have a great one!

God Bless.

It's been awhile

Life can get so hectic sometimes. I have been working a job, working on homework, working on my son, and even working in my sleep. (at least it feels that way.)

I will be done with school in about 5 weeks. They are doubling up on homework, and I have a paper due this week as well. I researched the paper yesterday, and even though it won't fit the criteria completely, it should at least get me some credit. I also have to read a book and do a review of the book, not a report. Cripes. So much to do and so little time. I bet the few who read this thought I had passed on or something. Its hard to believe I started writing daily, and now I skipped the whole month of October. I think thats the first time that has happened. 5 more weeks and the semester will be over, and I will be a college graduate. YAY. Sort of. LOL. I am always afraid of the unknown, I like ruts. School is getting to be a rut for me, kind of. Although it changes a lot, its what I have known for 2 years now. Then it will be time for me to let go of the tether and find a job in the real world. I could apply for a job where I am doing my internship, and I may consider that. There are a few problems with that, in that its only part time work, which I need full time, and I am not trained in some of the most important duties I would have. They would have to take me "in training" which I can get by with as an intern. I don't know if they would consider me or not. I am not sure the boss likes me, but the girl I work with says he is short like that with everyone till they work there for quite awhile. So I dunno. If I can't find a full time gig, I would consider it. As it stands right now, I am barely making gas money. Thats not a good thing. Money for bills would be nice.

The kid is still getting in trouble at school. I have a meeting with (it seems like) the whole faculty on Thursday. I am not looking forward to it. I just found out Friday, so I called his counselor to see if she can come too. The more the merrier! She isn't in the office on Friday's, so she won't get the message till tomorrow. I hope she can come. I really need the support. I met with the school counselor the other day. He said that G is very advanced for his age, and he is probably bored. I know he is very advanced, but you would think he would have figured out how to quit spending so many Saturdays at school, but getting his work done. I am going to make an appointment with the dr. to see about changing his meds. I don't know if that would help, but I sure don't think it would hurt.

Life keeps rolling along. I still don't have an mp3 player, still don't have time to work out at the gym. I have been taking homework with me to read. It never ends. At least not for the next 5 weeks. Than magically, it will be OVER. Crap. Sort of bittersweet. I love learning. I just want to be able to absorb all I am trying to learn. I still want to take classes, but now I will have to pay for them myself. I have to get a job, so I can't go full time, so I don't think I qualify for scholarships for part time. Since I will have a degree, I don't think I will qualify for the IMap grant or the Pell grant. I will have to find out for sure.

I better get to the homework. I am still trying to be a mom and told the kid we would go to the show this afternoon. God Bless.

Boogie On

I don't know why that is stuck in my head. I haven't heard anyone say it, but its there and that is that.

The UPS guy got here with my new toy already. I almost named this post "Disappointment" but didn't. The display isn't working on it at all. I already have it ready to send back. I am glad I actually tried it before I hacked off all of the stuff for the rebate. The directions are written by someone who has something other than English for their primary language. Surely they could have someone who is a little more fluent proof read these things for market in the states, at least. Ok, enough of my anal retentive rant, but honestly, if they want me to buy it, make the directions understandable. I am not returning it for that reason though. I could have figured it out without the directions if the display would have worked. :(

I am taking this as a sign that I really can't afford one right now, and if the price is too good to be true, there is a reason for it.

I got todays homework done and turned in. :) YAY. I installed another MS program, Project 2003, for a class. I am getting updates to Office right now. It is going to take me over 10 hours to download all the updates I need. (damn dialup) but I am going to do them one at a time. This one should take about 4 hours, so the rest should be a piece of cake.

Yall have a great day.

God bless, and boogie on. :)

It's FRIDAY

Ok, the days all tend to run together, but I didn't have a better title. The kid has detention tomorrow because of homework issues, so its going to be like a regular schoolday for him. He gets to sit in one room, doing homework for 6 hours. He gets a few breaks, but then they are back at it. I have to send lunch with him.

I discussed the homework issue with his counselor the other day during their session. (sometimes I get invited in.) I told her I had a problem to discuss, and he said he didn't want me coming in. She said she wanted to hear what I had to say, and then they would kick me out of the room. After we got there, she asked him first what he thought I was going to say, so he went through the whole homework thing, and how awful I am because I don't know how hard school is. HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO! I am the one sitting there doing homework while he is in Taekwondo. I am the one taking reading in whenever we have appointments we are waiting for. He sees me doing homework all the time, but thinks I don't have a clue. Then he proceeded to tell her how awful I am because I take away tv, friends coming over, etc. She told him that it sounds like I am doing my job. Its his responsibility to earn privileges, not a right. She asked him who controls whether he gets tv or not, and he finally saw the light I have been trying to shine in his eyes since the whole not-doing-homework ordeal began. She sure knows how to explain it better than I do, and I just get so freakin angry, and that doesn't help matters. He told her how I yell at him about it, and she said "I am sure your mom is just so frustrated, and its hard for her to handle" or something to that effect. I am so glad he has her for a counselor. It doesn't excuse my yelling at him, but lets him understand why I do it. I am trying to fix it. I think if he can keep their conversation in his mind (of which I can remind him of) I can keep calmer and let him know that if he doesn't get his homework done, its his fault what the consequences are. I really do feel responsible when he doesn't get his homework done, like I am doing something wrong, even though I know I am doing the best that I know how to motivate him. Its his problem though, not mine. I am just so tired of looking like (and feeling like) a bad parent. I can still hear the voices in my head of my brother saying "My kids were never that way. I just beat their ass and they straightened up." Well, I am happy his kids were perfect. Spanking doesn't affect him at all. He would rather get a spankin than stand in the corner. He hates having to stand still for any period of time. God love him, my son is a unique individual, and I love him to pieces. He is my heart and my soul, and I would wither and die without him. He is definitely a challange, but it makes the victories all the sweeter.

The job is going well. We went around campus the other day asking if any faculty or staff needed help with anything. I had to ask the instructor that got me the job. I was afraid he was going to ask me a networking question just to test me, but he didn't. Whewwwwwwwww. Anyway, I went in nooks and crannies on campus I didn't even know they had. I met a lot of people I had seen on campus. I think I will get more comfortable the more contact I have with them. I get intimidated easily, so its been an experience. I have 1/5 of my internship done, so thats getting done and I am feeling a sense of accomplishment. Now if I can get comfortable in my new skin, it will be a good thing.

I will rant sometimes in the future about one of my classes. I will let the suspense build. LOL Actually, I get angry when I think about it, so I don't want to relive it at this moment. I need to get in the shower and get back to Attila the Huns homework thats due tonight, then start on Monday's assignment for her. Luckily I will get Wednesdays done before Sunday is over, so I can work on Fridays. Yeah, thats all going to be a small part of my rant. You can only wonder what the rest will be. Exciting reading, I am sure.

I am excited. I ordered me an Mp3 player night before last and its supposed to be here TODAY. :) He should be here around 4 pm, so I will have a new toy to play with. YAY. I can even use it to record my classes. I have my recorder for that, so it depends on how much room I have after I get my music on it. Yall have an awesome day.
For some reason, I just have to say "Boogie On". I tried to skip it, but it must need to be said.

God Bless. And Boogie On!

I have a job!

Its a work study job, but it pays some. I am glad to be working on my internship now. I started Tuesday. Its on campus, so thats a good thing too. Its only 10-15 hours a week, for now. I only worked 2 hours Tuesday, but plan on working more tomorrow. Its in an office and the people seem really nice. I am excited. I will find out more of my duties and stuff tomorrow. I get to answer phones, and help people troubleshoot tech problems. :) I know, it sounds like heaven to me. Even though I have helped a lot of my friends and stuff, I am now doubting my ability to help anyone, so I have that hurdle to cross. I know its just the rejection/not good enough for anything deal from the job I thought I was going to retire from. This is my first job since then, when I had lost all the self-confidence I had. It doesn't make sense, but its the way I feel, and the way a lot of the people that worked with me felt when they laid us all off. It really has nothing to do with us personally about our jobs going to Mexico, it has to do with the greedy company powers-that-be who want to drive around in their Hummers. Who cares whether the economy in the states goes belly up as long as they have $6 mil in the bank? (that was the total of stock dollars the president of our company sold in company stock before he retired, or so I was told.)

ANYWAY, life goes on, whether we want it to or not. I am still studying my butt off, but haven't been to the gym for me in awhile to work my butt off. Its still there, bigger than life. I have gotten off track where the weight loss deal is concerned. The Biggest Loser came back on last night for the new season, so I am taping them to get the motivation factor back.

I have to write a paper that is due tomorrow night. I have the research, but haven't written anything. They called it "C fever" in a meeting I went to yesterday. When you have priority A stuff to do, you end up finding priority C stuff for some reason is more doable. Gee, maybe thats why I am blogging instead of writing? Ok, I best get on it. I have to WORK (yay!!!!) all day tomorrow, so I won't be able to work on it then, and I don't want to be glued to the computer tomorrow night because of a paper being written. I would rather be playing Pogo. (Sounds like I need to make a T-shirt to that effect!)

Have a good one.

God Bless, and thanks for the job prayers. :)

And the bitchiness continues.....

I was doing better. Really. Of course, it doesn't take much to get the ball rolling again. I have a rant, a pet peeve, an injustice, a dumbing down of America RANT.

I am in college. Its a Jr. college, which some people act like doesn't count. They seem to think its a glorified high school. They would be wrong. I work very hard to get the grades I get. It doesn't come easy to me. I am in some advanced classes now, and they weren't kidding. I have Attila the Hun for Advanced Software apps, Thank GOD I like it, and it comes pretty easy to me. Its just getting the massive amount of work done she wants turned in EVERY THREE DAYS.

My other online class is History of Illinois. Now is where my rant comes in. Most of my online classes have been more technically related, so I haven't had to deal much with the general ed side of things. Not so now. I have noticed, particularly in the males compared to volume, that they either don't care, or don't know, how to write complete sentences. One guy left crucial words out of every sentence. This is for a grade. They don't use punctuation, capital letters, or common freakin sense. Apparently, no one taught them the difference between "no" and "know." I no what they mean. Cripes. These are supposed to be people that are getting prepared to enter the workplace as viable adults. Aren't they? I know I sure wouldn't want to hire them. At least learn how to use SPELLCHECK. Don't take an online class if you don't know how to use a computer.

I know its "just" a history class, but I like to be able to read the postings without trying to decipher what they mean. No what I mean? It really slows me down. Its like hitting a bump in the road. Ok, maybe I am a teeny bit anal retentive. There is nothing wrong with good grammar and decent punctuation skills. Now, don't go searching for my mistakes. I know I make them. On here I don't often proofread or spell check, but no one reads it anyway, right? Besides, its not like its for a grade. Its the difference between sitting in a classroom, trying to do quality work, and unwinding by blogging in my jamas sipping on a cold iced tea. Ok, I guess I am done. Except I sure hope the instructor points out the problems with those posts. I know its not his area of expertise, but I should think as an instructor he would find it his duty to point out the mistakes. You know, to help them become more anal retentive, like me. And also so it will quit pissing me off and taking my time away from my homework so I can blow off some steam and blog about it.

I think I need to get a life,although I can barely handle this one as it is. People just need to quit pissin' me off.

God Bless. Please pray for me to be able to extend a little more graciousness to those punctuationally/grammatically/ impaired.

(after running spellcheck, it wanted to change "freakin" to "foreskin." How funny is that! Hahahaha I am also not sure I spelled "punctuation" correctly as it wanted to change it to function. Hmmmmmmmmmm.)

Today sucks.

Today would have been my daughter's birthday. She would have been 21 today. I have been bawling off and on all day. When my son got home, he had Taekwondo, then I was hoping to just come home, cuddle with him and watch TV till shower/bed time.

He decided to let one of the boys on the bus tear up his homework, so the boy would get the blame for him not having it. Needless to say, he is mad and upset because he has to do the whole thing over again, when he had it over half done. (He has to write 25 sentences with his spelling words with at least 7 words in each sentence. Then, I get to check them over and he has to correct what's wrong.) He had about 19 sentences done, but thought if he didn't bring it in, I wouldn't make him correct it. He told me the kid ate it. I called him a liar, and he said that he LET him eat it. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

I am being a total bitch. He is in there crying, trying to get attention, and I am pissed. He has 1000 different excuses. I am tired of them all. He has 30 minutes to write 10 LEGIBLE sentences, or no TV after school.

I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I want a smoke so bad I can't hardly stand it. I want to get drunk just to forget. I can't do any of those. I want to scream from the mountain top. I want to stomp my feet, shake my fist, and cry buckets. I just can't. I miss my daughter terribly. I often wonder about how my life would have been if she was still in it, living breathing. 21 years old. Today. Its not like I can forget what day it is. Since 2001, and the WTC, every second the TV or radio is on, they mention "the day." Before the WTC, I suffered in silence, almost. I would cry if I had to write the date down, or just thinking about "things" but it wasn't shoved down my throat like it is now. There is no escape. Would she have been pretty? Would she be married now? A mom? Would we have the tumultuous relationship me and my son have? He thinks we have an equal partnership, and I have no idea where he got that notion.

I turned my paperwork in today for my last unemployment check too. We are going to have to survive on my grants and scholarships till I get a job. I am so freakin stressed. I wish I had someone to take care of me sometimes. I need to be held. :(

God Bless. Please pray for me.