Another Saturday night.....

and I ain't got nobody, I got some money cos I just got paid. ladedadeda. Thats a song. I have someone, but might as well not. I don't have any money either, so the whole first part is a bold faced lie. Oh well. I like the song anyway.

Still no exercise tapes. I have to get back in the groove. Badly. B'f came over today, and my son fixed dinner. He has been wanting to make homemade pizza, which he has never done before. I bought a canned pizza dough, sauce, 2 kinds of cheese, and pepperoni last night, so I supervised him tonight. It turned out real well, and he was real proud. I rarely ever let him cook anything. B'f raved about how good it was, so that was great. We went to the State Park nearby and went on a trail. It seemed easier to walk that than it does walking around campus, but we walked a lot farther today. I need to take the pedometer with me to school again and check it out. Its been awhile, and now I know where I am going. Usually. LOL. I hate that campus. Whoever decided round would be the way to go never had to go there, thats for sure.

I still have to 4-6 page paper due. I guess thats what I will be doing all day tomorrow. I got everything else done on time, but I have another outline due Monday, and a test first thing Monday morning I need to study for. I will get it done, because I have to. I really am not looking forward to doing the paper, but I won't like it till I find out how he likes it. Thats the way it is. I feel I am not objective enough, or too hard on myself until I get someone else's opinion. Its a shame I care so much about what others think.

I had a meeting with G's teacher Thursday. I told her of my fears with him. He is trying so hard to tell the truth, and then they still have a hard time believing him. I don't blame them. I can't always tell either, but he is trying. I told her what he said that the other teacher said, about "the incident" probably being his fault since he gets in trouble so much more than the other kid. She said she hadn't heard that, but would talk to the other teacher. I just don't want him getting a bad rep while he is really working on it. She said he is doing so much better than he was the first of the year. She has seen some maturity to him, and thats a good thing. We talk about his behavior quite a bit. Me and G. He knows what is acceptable, and what isn't. He is learning why. Some areas are a little gray to him, but I am just trying to make it clearer. I love him so much, I just want it all to be easier for him, and I don't want teachers cringe when they find out he is in their class.

Time to call it a night. God Bless, and pray for teachers, and those who think they know everything already. :)

I am a backslider

Its been about 4 days since I did my exercises. I have danced around a bit, but not as strenous and not as long as I would be doing the tapes for. I thought about counting it anyway, but would only be lying to myself, and I hate to be lied to. I can feel myself sliding into more depression again, and I don't like it. I need to just keep on keepin on, instead of stopping the self improvement thing. I am so overwhelmed with school right now. 5 Weeks and we get a break for about a month. YAY!

I found out yesterday I may need to take 2 more math classes. I am going to talk to my advisor tomorrow (if possible) and see if I really have to take both or just one for my major. I pray its just one. I had a helluva time with algebra last time.

I have a career paper due Sunday night. It has to be about 4-6 pages. I finally got my research part done tonight. Now I just have to read it all and get the paper done. I started a page with just random paragraphs to be formed into a 4 page paper. Its not much, but its a start. 3 1/2 pages to do and it will be done! Now if I can just fit it in with the other 4 assignments due by Sunday, it will be great!

I was hoping to have my sister all to myself while she is here, but she called my dad and now there is a family picnic planned. :( No more than we get to see her, I hate to share. She is smart, pretty, makes damn good money, smart, pretty, cute boyfriend, nice house, cute, smart, has her own Harley, and she is smart and pretty besides. She even posed for an art class nude when she was in her 30's. Crap. I don't even like to have to get naked to take a shower. Maybe in another life I will have a body I like. I don't even flirt anymore cos I am afraid they will think I don't know how homely I am, and take me seriously.

God Bless, and be nice to homely people. They need love to.

Dreams

I rarely ever dream, or at least remember my dreams. Sometimes I think it is due to exhaustion that I don't dream more. I have always been a very poor sleeper, and I think that effects my dreams. Although last night I went to bed around 11:30, I was still up at 3:15, changed the clocks, checked email, played a few games, and went back to bed around 4:30. It doesn't usually do me any good just to lay there, because I get frustrated I can't get back to sleep. Anyway, between 4:30 and 8 this morning I had two dreams. Here goes:

The first dream I recall, we were driving down the highway around a big city somewhere. We were in my car, the beat up, hardly any paint, car. The wind was horrific, and as we were driving along car hoods were blowing up in the wind, and breaking backwards over the cars, turning some of the cars into toylike objects blowing around. Cars were smashing into buses, other cars, etc. It was like driving through a mine field of flying cars. It was a mired mess, and just before that dream quit, I looked at the hood of my car and it was twitching a little, but we were still plugging along against the awful awful wind.

Dream #2: We (and I am not sure who the "we" is in either dream, because I can remember being with someone or more than one, and even speaking to them, but never seeing who it [or they] are) are touring an old victorian home that is selling crafts. Every room is decorated in a theme and has victorian stuff for sale. I have been in some houses like this in real life, and they always send a feeling of wealth to me. I asked the lady in the front part of the house if there was a restroom I could use. She was extremely pleasant, and seemed to enjoy her job really well. She gave me directions to the home bathroom, so away we went. I went through the dining room, and there were people sitting at the table just chatting. One of the ladies looked very snooty, and there was a vibe of definate untrustfulness aimed at me. She didn't like me from the get go. I viewed her as a snob of the worst kind. She asked where I was going and what I thought I was doing. I told her I was trying to locate the bathroom, and she kind of harummmmmphed, like she didn't want me to go there, and sure didn't trust me not to steal something. I finally found the bathroom, and it was one of the low ones that doesn't hardly use any water. It had overflowed all over the floor, and was a disaster. I went back out to tell them and felt better because even though she was such a snotty bitch, her toilet was screwed up just like everyone elses can be, and there was no pretending it wasn't. That was it.

They both disturbed me, so I thought if I wrote about them they would be gone from my mind. This is a great way to unload.

God bless, and sweet dreams.

"Insert Title Here"

B'f and his son just left. My son had Saturday school this morning. My eyes hurt because I am so tired. After I picked my boy up at 10, he said his lip was itching. Then a few minutes later he gets a fever blister. It happened that fast. I have been putting medicine on it, but its not looking any better. He hasn't eaten since breakfast, which is almost normal for him. I have never met a kid that didn't like to eat as much as him. He hates it. I have tried everything I know to try without letting him eat donuts and cereal for every meal. When it was dinner time his face was flushed, so he laid down, but he is feeling better now.

I mentioned to b'f about us coming down to his house on his birthday and going to church with him. He had a shocked look on his face. I told him I thought him and his son could spend the day together on Saturday, while my sister is supposed to be here, then we will come there the next day. He said that was fine. I'm glad. I know birthdays and holidays, anniversarys, etc. are real important to him. His birthday is officially on that Sunday, so I thought going to church with him would make him happy. I don't know what to get him yet as a gift. There will probably be some sugar free candy involved. I used to get him boxer shorts as gifts, but he felt the need to model them, and it wasn't a good thing.

I got one assignment done today, and started right in on another one before they got here. I have my career paper due on the 10th and I haven't got my research done yet. Actually, I have taken one career questionaire out of 3 so far, and thats it. I picked up a book on technlogical careers from the unemployment office the other day, so that will help. I have 4 assignments due before the paper is due, so I want to get them out of the way as much as I can. The questionaires themselves are kind of fun, and they won't take long. I had to do a similar thing for the unemployment office, but at least there I didn't have to write a paper. 6 assignments in Computer Logic, 2 of which are tests, and I am done with that. The instructor, (and I use that term VERY loosely) looks like she is going to have her baby any day now. I don't know what they will do if that happens.

Time for bed. The kid is tired, I am tired. Sounds like a good time to go to sleep. God Bless.

Wednesday

A cute little thing I saw today. Click <--- there and wait till it loads, then click on the screen. I hope it works. You can change it too.

I had my tutor today. The first hour went well I think. The next half hour I looked at him like "what the hell are you wanting of me???????" My brain was blank, so I asked if we could call it a day. We had a club meeting in 10 minutes anyway. I almost fell asleep in Net class again. It was a little difficult to do, since I could hear the click,click,clickety click click click of the mouse of the girl next to me playing yahoo games while class was going on. She's not doing so great in the class. I wonder why? (roll eyes here) I had to go to the unemployment office today, and that went well. The girls I used to work with are always riled up about something, and I should have known better than to pay any attention, but I did, and felt dumb. That was a couple of weeks ago, and I told my case manager that I was sorry to bother her, and as long as I had been in a factory I should have went with my gut instinct instead of worrying about something that wasn't a problem. Everyone hated the new case manager when we got switched over, but she has been ok to me. Now there is only one I know that is really having a problem with her, but she is trying to do her own thing and ignore all the rules. When I told her what I had to do, paperwork wise, she kept saying "well, I'm not doing it. I don't have to." So they have been holding her mileage checks till she gets her paperwork in. (sigh) I have an assignment due tomorrow, then one due Friday. After those are completed, I HAVE to work on my paper due April 10th. I have to do some research and HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED!!!! It was one of my "over spring break" projects. LOL Like that was going to happen. Hey, I was on vacation.

The kid is in trouble in school again. He has 2 hours of Saturday school this weekend. Plus, he brought home a note yesterday that he is on lunch detention for 3 days for kicking a kid. I wrote a note to his teacher and asked for a meeting. My opinion is he has a reputation for being a trouble maker and if he is within 20 yards of some wrongdoing, he is the one in trouble. He kicked the kid, he told me he did, BUT he said the kid kicked him twice, and he told him not to. Then he kept poking him. Of course, it didn't get loud till G kicked him back. He has been so much better about telling the truth, so I believe him. He was visibly upset when he came home and said the other kid got away with it. It wasn't his regular teacher, but I want to talk to her anyway. The one that caught him told him and the other boy that it was my kids fault because he gets in more trouble than the other kid. I know some of the kids blame G cos they know the ones in charge will believe it. I know I sound like the kind of mom who says, "not my sweet little child. He would never do such a thing" but I'm not. I don't call him brat boy for nuthin. I know he is no angel, but I have also caught other kids being mean to him. They sure don't like getting caught. He is the smallest kid in all of second grade, so therefore an easy mark. Plus, he used to lie a lot, but he is getting so much better at telling the truth. The teacher even commented on that to me. Now he is getting upset cos even after telling the truth, they believe the ones that lie. Usually. There have been a few times he has been vindicated. Being in a very small town, with a very small school, the teachers dread him before they even have him in class and wait for him to mess up. It makes me so terribly sad. I am hoping that more discussion with the teacher will help. I wish I could afford a private school, but I can't. There aren't that many in this area anyway.

Time to close. God Bless. Please pray for my son, for his teachers to know the real truth, and for me to know the whole truth.

Tutors

I took the plunge and signed up for a tutor. I start tomorrow for Computer Logic. Sue goes to him, and told me before how he never helps her, just the skinny girl thats in her class that goes the same time she does. She said he fawns all over her and pretty much does her homework for her. When I told her I was going, and we had the same tutor, she said he is really nice and she hopes he can help. LOL. He won't help her because she's fat, but I am fatter than her. I think its attitude, probably. She is all doom and despair all the time. She always looks for trouble. We got a letter about signing up for summer classes and making an appt to come into the unemployment office. She im'd me to ask what would happen if they don't offer any of the classes she needs for her degree. (insert loud sigh here) She asked me what I would do if a instructor dropped me from a class, and she thinks she is very fortunate for not having been dropped since they can do it for any reason at any time. I told her the only time I have ever heard of anyone getting dropped is when they didn't show up for long periods of time. Other than that, it is up to them to drop the class. Thats all I am familliar with anyway. Geeesh. The only exercise she gets is jumping to conclusions. I think she thinks too hard on all the lousy possibilities that she can't hardly keep it together. If I say one negative thing, she is all "oh, cheer up, it will be ok. We ought to be thankful we have this opportunity!" GAG! She can be as negative as she wants, but doesn't take it well from anyone else. Personally, I get tired of listening to her whine. I have asked her before if she wanted a little cheese with that, and she laughed.

I try to contain all my negativity here. In my blog. Where I don't have to see anyone that reads it. I can be catty, bitchy, attempt humor, sit here naked if I want. LOL (well, I don't do the naked thing anymore, gets too depressing) Then when I talk to b'f, and he gets negative, it really sets my teeth on edge. I don't want false perkiness, but I get tired of it. We were chatting about Terri Schiavo last night. I think its a horrible way to go, and don't know of a solution, but I don't think starving someone is it. He turns it into a giant political thing, and all I can do is sit here and type "I reckon" every once in awhile. The whole situation makes me so terribly sad. I had to stop going to message boards that have threads about it, because it gets me too upset. Having lost people that I have loved, I can imagine how the parents feel. I know when I lost my daughter, it would have been easier to have cut my heart out with a knife, but being of the religious persuasion that I am, it wasn't an option. When I found my ex b'f and my "best friend" together, and moved out that night, I never got to see the kids except to say goodbye, I wanted to die. I prayed for it. I talked to my pastor about it, and he said apparently that God wasn't done with me. I still miss them, and that was 10 years ago. He is married for the 2nd time since we broke up, so this is his 3rd marriage. Just like my ex husband. Do very many men get married 3 times? My other ex b'f that I loved dearly, Jerry, was also married 3 times that I know of. My current b'f has been married twice, but wants to go for 3, but I am not up to it. I feel like a wolf, I guess I mate for life. Well, thats not true. I have loved a few, but not the type that would make good husband material. When they say you can't change someone, they mean it.

Time to go. Might as well work on some more school stuff. I got today's done already! Woooooooo hoooooooooooo! God Bless, and tell your loved ones how you feel. Pray for Terri's family.

The joys of parenthood

I love my son. No surprise there. He is definitely his own person. Argumentative, quick tempered, smart, and funny. Those are just a few of his attributes, whether good or bad. He really tickled me yesterday. We were getting ready to go meet our friend for lunch. I made him take a shower (being the meanest mommy of all times.) He usually runs around in a towel for awhile afterwards, then runs around naked till I put the question to him of what would he do if someone came to the door. LOL He rushes around then. Anyway, he went and got his clothes and took them to the bathroom with him. Very unusual I thought. My son, having a conservative mother, as far as utility bills go, thinks it is necesary to empty the hot water heater of all the hot water. He sings in the shower, and has a grand old time. A few times he said he couldn't get all the soap out of his hair since the hot water was all gone. Oy! Anyway, after the lengthy shower, I heard the bathroom door open, then close, then I heard the blow dryer. My first thought was "OH CRAP! WHERE'S THE CAT????" Then the cat sauntered by. I think he can read my thoughts, which is maybe why he doesn't like me too much. G comes out of the bathroom, dressed, with his hair spiked. He only spikes the front, and it looks pretty cool. He said he even shaved too. He said it had been awhile. (he remembers to shave about every 3 months with his Clifford the Big Red Dog shaving kit.) He is so funny. He always wants me to feel his face and tell him how smooth it is. One morning he was almost late for the bus cos he was shaving. I thought maybe he had a date, but he said he did it to surprise me. He informed me he is too young for a girlfriend yet. Thank God. He is only 8, after all.

I have exercised to video for 16 days in a row!!! Who would have thunk it????? I am even keeping my excel chart all up to date. I think this could get to be a habit. Not so much the chart since I only update it about 3 times a week, but I am getting up at 5:30 in the morning so I can get my exercises in before we leave. We are going to church with b'f and its over an hour drive. We need to leave here by 7:30, and if I want any hot water for my shower in the morning, I have to get it first. My son informed me I am to wake him at 6:30 SHARP! Knowing him, 6:29 he will roll back over, and if its 6:31, he will ask why I didn't get him up on time. He is such a stickler for details. I have no idea where he got that at, but its very annoying. (she says while batting her eyes)

My sister called. She is coming down the 16th for the day. Then b'f reminded me that is his birthday weekend. (Sunday is the day) I would rather just spend the time with her, so we may make another run to his house on Sunday instead. He won't like that at all. I can't believe it didn't ring a bell when she mentioned the date. Her b'f is going turkey hunting, so she thought she would take the opportunity to come down. It will be great to see her. She said not to tell G yet, cos she doesn't want to disappoint him. She is a cool aunt, and a cool sister besides.

Time for bed. The clothes are in the dryer, the kid is still chatting with me from the other room, and my eyelids are drooping.

God Bless, and remember what Easter is all about.